AIBU to think my sister may be an alcoholic

[frillyflower]

My sister has always liked a drink but I was a bit shocked to find out when staying with her recently that she drinks at least one bottle of white wine every night. She does this in company or alone.

I told her it seems a lot and she got really cross. AIBU in thinking she's an alcoholic?

If you are that concerned, try and talk to her when she hasn't yet opened a bottle of wine. She may be more receptive.

At the end of the day whether she is an alcoholic, or is just drinking too much to be healthy, it is impossible to say, from just a few details. It depends on whether it is causing her problems in her day to day life.

It sounds like it is ruling her life a bit if she has to go to the pub when in danger of running out. Ultimately, it is all about whether she perceives it is causing her any problems. If she really doesn't think there is an issue, then you won't be able to affect her behaviour. She has to see that alcohol is causing problems in her life if anything is to change. Have you been able to talk to her about your concerns at all? That has to be the first step?

She dismisses any idea that she's drinking too much. She gets really angry and upset if anyone disagrees with her about anything and runs off in tears.

She also won't go anywhere where she can't drink and smoke.

Maybe you need to back off a bit - she needs to think its a problem for her before she will make any changes.

I know it's worrying or you but in the scheme of things although 1 bottle a day is a lot it's not that much compared to the people I used to work with.

Be good to find out why she drinks and then maybe encourage her to have some alcohol free days every month.

Maybe you could sit down one day at lunchtime and talk about your concerns (not about her being alcoholic but about too much wine) and be as honest and openly concerned - not as a criticism but because you love her etc etc. If she is not willing to open up, she will at least know you are there if one day she does need support and help to change things, and you have opened that door.

Only she can change and she has to want to change.

It's recommended, that you should have at least 3 alcohol free days in the week. Squeaky toy - you must be thinking of very big glasses! And yes it is worse, liver failure and pancreatitis are horrible. Like it or not, the female body cannot handle that much alcohol, the damage happens a lot quicker compared with men.

yes agree with you completely sensual; we can only change ourselves.
Took me a long time to learn this one.

You can access support through your local Al Anon group.

www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

Actually when you put it how Squeaky has

3 glasses of wine every night...whilst not ideal for her health isn't as bad as 'a whole bottle' sounds really.

Probably no more unhealthy than smoking or being overweight.

I think it must be very hard to admit this sort of thing to family. I haven't talked to my family, though they obviously know I don't seem to drink any more.

This might not help, but you could keep inviting her to things that don't involve alcohol, showing her there are options out there in your life for social events without alcohol? That way, if at some later point she does decide to stop or cut down, she will feel she can come and be with you, without drinking. That could be a big support because it is often really hard to socialize when you've just stopped drinking (as your mates all tend to be drinkers), and it can be very lonely.

maryz makes a very good point about hidden drinking.

I will try and talk to her again. I know it's not as bad as drinking every morning or drinking a couple of bottles of vodka but it seems really dodgy to me that she does it day in day out and also that she has become so moody and tearful (not about her drinking about anything she perceives as a criticism).

I have worked for some time in the wine trade. A bottle is officially 6 glasses.

Smaller ones than most of us have at home I think. Those old fashioned pub sizes are more like it

but it's still a whole bottle - which is 6 glasses - unless you use the trendy massive glasses when you could even get the bottle to fit into 2 glasses

if you had double length cigarettes and only smoked 10 a day it would still be the same as smoking 20

Bear in mind that, whatever you do or say, it will be up to her whether or not she continues to drink. No one else can stop an alcoholic from drinking unless and until the alcoholic has had enough of it. Now that you have aired your concerns back off. Don't nag, don't whine, don't offer cures. It is a waste of effort and energy and will make things worse. By all means remind her that you care about her: if the drinking becomes problematic you may have to back off further, but remember: You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, you can't control it.

A big glass is 250ml.

A 'normal' sized wine glass used to be 125 mls. Gradually measures have got bigger and bigger. I wouldnt call a third of a bottle ie 250 mls a 'glass' tbh.

She sounds well on the way to having a problem with alcohol

Oh I don't know now...yes good point Maryz

I suppose it depends on the size of the bottle and the size of the glass