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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think my sister may be an alcoholic

87 replies

frillyflower · 22/04/2012 21:13

My sister has always liked a drink but I was a bit shocked to find out when staying with her recently that she drinks at least one bottle of white wine every night. She does this in company or alone.

I told her it seems a lot and she got really cross. AIBU in thinking she's an alcoholic?

OP posts:

Original poster

frillyflower · 22/04/2012 21:49

My husband noticed the last time we went out for dinner that she drank far more than everyone else. it sounds like we are being nosy and judgemental but we are really not. i hadn't seen her for a few weeks and i was worried about how she looks and acts. Her sons are 20 and 24. one still lives at home.

OP posts:

LRDtheFeministDragon · 22/04/2012 21:51

The glass size thing is really dodgy - our local does that 'buy two glasses and get the bottle free' and quite clearly hopes most people don't realize two glasses means two thirds of the bottle. It doesn't matter what size glases you use, it's still the same amount of alcohol, even if you call it 'just three glasses'.

And I agree (again) with SGB and Maryz about her needing to be ready.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 22/04/2012 21:52

frilly it doesn't sound judgmental - you're worried, it's natural.

It's just hard to say what you can do. You already are doing a lot by just noticing, TBH.

Original poster

frillyflower · 22/04/2012 21:53

Thanks for advice. I think she has a problem and it's hard to just watch but of course she has to want to stop

OP posts:

Bambino81 · 22/04/2012 21:54

My mum was like this for a while, it got really bad and she did the whole hidden drinking thing, that was the next stage.

Did your sister seem more drunk then she should be on a bottle of wine? If that makes sense?

Can you smell alcohol on her during the day or do you ever see her daytime drinking as well as evening drinking?

Although there may not be anything wrong, most alcoholics are extremely sneaky and hide things well.

suburbophobe · 22/04/2012 21:55

alcohol dependant service users.

what does that mean exactly?

sensuallettuce · 22/04/2012 21:58

People who are dependant on alcohol (drink every day) and use a service to help support them.

OP you sound like a really lovely and caring sister and it's really hard to watch someone you love go through this and it can make you feel incredibly helpless.

Maryz · 22/04/2012 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

frillyflower · 22/04/2012 21:59

I think she seems to get drunk v quickly. For example after one one large glass she gets argumentative and then ridiculously touchy - so she flies off the handle at an innocent remark or a teasing remark and then rushes off in tears. I have not seen her drink in the day (before lunch) but if you spend a day with her it's all about waiting for the opening of the wine. The last time we had dinner we drank 8 bottles between 4 people and at least 2 of the people were v moderate drinkers.

OP posts:

Shagmundfreud · 22/04/2012 22:01

My sister was drinking like this, and holding down a job.

I never saw her actually drunk, but she'd fall asleep on the sofa EVERY evening and snore away until bed-time.

What we didn't know is that she was also drinking in secret as well - spirits.

I told her to tackle her drinking and she was furious with me. But about a year later she admitted to being an alcoholic and started attended AA. She's not had a drink for about 8 months now.

Personally I think that drinking to this level (a bottle of wine) EVERY SINGLE DAY is indicative that your sister has a problem with alcohol.

ohgawd · 22/04/2012 22:01

Certainly not healthy, not sure about being an alcholic.

Original poster

frillyflower · 22/04/2012 22:01

Maryz my sister sounds like your friend.

OP posts:

Maryz · 22/04/2012 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

suburbophobe · 22/04/2012 22:03

People who are dependant on alcohol (drink every day) and use a service to help support them.

Ah right, AA..

Maryz · 22/04/2012 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

frillyflower · 22/04/2012 22:04

Maryz i wondered if she is drinking to a certain level and then the one large glass pushes her over the top into total drunkenness - is that possible?

OP posts:

sensuallettuce · 22/04/2012 22:04

Is it possible she is also depressed?

Why is she drinking and what might motivate her to change?

Shagmundfreud · 22/04/2012 22:05

frilly, my sister LOOKED like an alcoholic. Her face was puffy, her colour high and her abdomen was swollen. Before she started drinking (in her 30's she drank almost nothing) she was incredibly slim and beautiful. Alcohol ruined her looks.

Does your sister have any visible signs of alcoholism?

sensuallettuce · 22/04/2012 22:05

Is she eating properly? As she will get pissed very quickly if she isn't eating?

littleorno · 22/04/2012 22:05

I think you need to try to speak to her about her feelings in general, without bringing the alcohol into it. Sounds as though she is using the wine as an emotional crutch.

Failing that, could you be sneaky: could you try to coax her into 'supporting' you on a detox for a week? After a week off the booze she might be able to think more rationally about it and see for herself that a bottle of wine every night is far too much and too often.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 22/04/2012 22:06

I don't know if this helps, but just I wanted to say:

You can be an alcoholic, or a problem drinker who needs help, despite not fitting all sorts of stereotypes. A person might not drink during the day, or drink spirits, or 'have' to drink every day. They might be perfectly able to go a day or more without drinking.

Don't agonize over whether or not she fits the criteria of what you expect an alcoholic to be - I get why you are doing it, but it is so hit and miss, and even if you did manage to define her to your satisfaction, it's not guarantee she'd agree or see the problem.

Original poster

frillyflower · 22/04/2012 22:06

She has put on lots of weight and stopped caring about her clothes. She also smokes very heavily. I feel like she's got a death wish

OP posts:

Maryz · 22/04/2012 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

frillyflower · 22/04/2012 22:09

She would never agree to a detox. That's the kind of suggestion she would get angry about. She even gets peed off if I suggest going to the cinema because she wouldn't be able to smoke.

OP posts:

Bambino81 · 22/04/2012 22:11

That kind of goes hand in hand tho doesn't it sensual lettuce? Cause alcoholics don't eat properly.

OP in all honesty I would be worried, I know they have to admit it theirselves but I also think that if there isn't anyone asking questions and stepping in then they will fell like they are "getting away with it"

I would defo try and confront her, alcoholism is a terrible terrible thing and it affects everyone.

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