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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you what i should do about 10 year old and new baby?

84 replies

ohgawd · 22/04/2012 20:36

I have posted here due to more traffic. Need answers quickly!!!!!

I am pregnant with DC4. We told DC today. DD2 and 3 are happy DD1 (10) burst in to tears, said she doesn't want a horrible baby! Shock And that she has to put up with her sisters who are pains already. Sad

Since then she has been full of attitude and barley spoken to me.

What would you do? boarding school is tempting me

OP posts:
WibblyBibble · 22/04/2012 20:38

You could try being sympathetic to the poor child. Just because you want a million kids, doesn't mean she likes having to be big sister to them all. It's not 'attitude' for a child to want some peace and quiet once in a while ffs.

Original poster
ohgawd · 22/04/2012 20:39

A million kids? Angry For your information wibbly she gets loads of peace and quiet. HTH

OP posts:
Sirzy · 22/04/2012 20:40

Sounds like you need to sit down and talk to her, make sure there are plans in place for her to have some peace time and some special time with her parents and give her time to get used to the idea.

aquafunf · 22/04/2012 20:40

we had this with dd2, who was 10 at the time that dd3 came along. she was adament that she did not want a younger sibling. she had not been consulted and was hacked off at no longer being the baby.

i just did not mention it again to her, other than to point out the obvious.

when baby came along, told her she did not have to like her, love her or cuddle her.

she did all of these!

TheCunningStunt · 22/04/2012 20:40

You be sympathetic, listen to her worries and reasurre her it will be ok. There isn't a lot you can do about it, the baby is coming!

squeakytoy · 22/04/2012 20:40

Most 10 year olds want to be seen as being grown up. You could try appealing to her more mature side, saying that it will be fun for you both as she is older than her sisters and will be able to play a big part in helping with the baby.

She is probably upset because as the eldest she has felt a bit left to one side twice before already when her siblings were born.

Dont forget also, at 10, her teenage hormones are very close to kicking in as well, and she may be feeling a bit more in need of her mum than usual, and now feels that yet again she is going to be left out while you tend to a new baby.

Original poster
ohgawd · 22/04/2012 20:41

Thanks sirzy, yep will do those things.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 22/04/2012 20:41

I would respect her articulating how she feels.
She is possibly feeling squeezed out, anxious about jow her life will change.

My 10 year old embraced our having another baby but I tried to empathise and find ways to make this huge change in his life a bit easier.

Original poster
ohgawd · 22/04/2012 20:42

Yes Squeaky she is defintley hormonal. I will talk to her.

OP posts:
thegreylady · 22/04/2012 20:42

I would try to reassure her.She has already had the experience of two babies in the family.She knows how much of your time and attention they take.She will be worried that she will get even less of you and that more will be expected of her as 'the oldest'.She is also approaching puberty and a move to secondary school,times when she will need more 'mum time' not less.Try to make her feel special and show her that you are aware of how she is feeling.Give her a cuddle and promise that you will always be there for her.Remind her that she was your firstborn and no one can ever take her place.

RandomMess · 22/04/2012 20:43

Just listen and empathise, it is going to change her life so acknowledge it.

Original poster
ohgawd · 22/04/2012 20:43

Thank God, Aqua. I am expecting the same from DD when baby arrives just so sad to her here talk this way and see her so unhappy.

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 22/04/2012 20:43

Give her some reassurance rather than the "boarding school" way of thinking.

Getting enough one to one time when you have two other siblings is very hard without adding another. Perhaps she feels she misses out on lots of things already and may even more now.

Its hard being the oldest, especially when there are a few children as it may mean more chores, more responsibility and less privacy, peace, parental time etc, money etc.

squeakytoy · 22/04/2012 20:44

I would also say, after reading what I found to be a very sad thread on here last week, about how posters with siblings who were a fair bit younger than them (about the same age gap as your child and the new baby will be) that you ensure a good relationship does build up between them, because the amount of people who said they had no relationship at all with their younger siblings was quite Shock to read on here...

Original poster
ohgawd · 22/04/2012 20:45

Happymumofone, you are assuming incorrectly alot there.

OP posts:
Chrysanthemum5 · 22/04/2012 20:47

I was born a long long time ago and at that time no-one bothered to prepare children for having new siblings. Plus my older siblings were farmed out to relatives to let mum rest while pregnant. The upshot was none of them knew I was on my way. My father (who is a thoroughly obnoxious and stupid man) just turned up with me and tod them he'd found me in the road (why?!). My sister aged 6 at the time told him to put me back before someone noticed and we had to keep me.

My point is that we get on very well, and she assures me that she loves me! When children first hear they are getting a sibling it's a surprise and you mustn't take anything they say to heart. It will be fine.

Gumby · 22/04/2012 20:47

my sister is 9 years older than me

she felt she missed out on going to after school clubs like dance etc because my mum had a newborn to look after

Original poster
ohgawd · 22/04/2012 20:51

My DDs will still do all the clubs they do now, I wouldn't dream for one mintue of making them give up. DD1 gets ma and da time pretty much m-f on her own between 8 and 9 after her sister have gone to bed. At the weekend she and DD2 stay up one night at the weekend to have family time with the little one in tow.

DD1 loves horses and rides every week, she is a luck girl.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 22/04/2012 20:52

Ohgawd
As happymumofone used 'perhaps she feels' and 'it may mean' I don't think she was assuming. I think she was trying to respond to your op.

Original poster
ohgawd · 22/04/2012 20:54

pag it came across as smug only child mother having a adig at a mum of a few TBH.

OP posts:
Original poster
ohgawd · 22/04/2012 20:54

She also stated its hard getting enough one to one time, when that is not the case here.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 22/04/2012 20:58

There is possibly an awareness that everyone will coo and adore the new baby and it will get lots of fuss made over it and never get told off...

My eldest was awful about the youngest when I was pregnant she was 8.7 when she was born - never said anything to me but did to plenty of other people!

DollysDrawers · 22/04/2012 20:58

Ohgawd I think Happy was trying to help.

I would be inclined to try to involve her as much as you can when she has got used to the idea. She's at kind of a tricky age isn't she and all this is probably a bit unexpected.

Pagwatch · 22/04/2012 20:59

Ok. Well perhaps she did come across as smug to you. I didn't read it like that. perhaps, like me, she was one of a large family and wanted to share that perspective.
And maybe I am reading your Angry responses wrong [shrug]

Original poster
ohgawd · 22/04/2012 20:59

How is their relationship now random?

OP posts:
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