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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is not me being 'evil'?

95 replies

Binxy · 22/04/2012 06:10

So, my youngest ds is a bad sleeper. He is 2 and going through a particularly bad phase at the moment and wakes up all the time. As I am currently a sahm my dh believes it is my job to get uP with him if he does wake in the night. Which I think is fine since he works but onthe weekend the same rules apply. We have one lie in each at the weekend but I have to get up in the night both nights and if ds wakes up on dh's turn I have to sooth him/get him back to sleep if he wakes up 'too early' for dh to have to do it.

This mornIng I think ds had some sort of nightmare so i brought him in bed with us and then he woke again he was flailing around and crying out (but in his sleep.) I tried to calm him but don't think he could hear me, so I patted him and eventually he woke up properly and then wanted to play. (5.40am)

Dh was Absolutely furious that on my lie in I didn't make ds stay in bed longer. Apparently I am an evil fucking bitch.

Am I? I mean I kind of think if it is the weekend and it is my lie in maybe I should be lying in and he should be soothing ds bAck to sleep not getting angry with me for waking him to early.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Binxy · 22/04/2012 06:12

And now I'm awake and Upset and FUMING that he didn't even try tO understand why ds was awake or feel sympathy for ds.

OP posts:
Chubfuddler · 22/04/2012 06:14

I think you have bigger problems than a restless toddler if your husband speaks to you like that and thinks its your job to look after your ds 24/7.

HateBeingCantDoUpMyJeans · 22/04/2012 06:20

He doesn't need air in whereas you do so should have both morning.

WandaDoff · 22/04/2012 06:52

Binxy If I were close enough I would kick your husbands bollocks so hard he would be coughing them up instead of whinging ungratefully.

Not a lot I can do from here but I just wanted to sympathise.

ChasedByBees · 22/04/2012 07:14

That's an appalling way to speak to you and he should be doing his share of the night wakes - he sounds like an arse, no wonder you're fuming. Sad

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 22/04/2012 07:16

You are married to an arse, this is your problem not your toddler.

I'm a SAHM and DH has always helped with night wakings.

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 22/04/2012 07:18

That is dreadful. You poor thing. SadSad

MarquiseOfMelburnia · 22/04/2012 07:21

Oh dear, I can sympathise as this sounds like my house sometimes...

In similar situations my DP has obviously only been thinking about himself and how much sleep he's missing out on rather than "oh, DS isn't sleeping, maybe he's unwell". Believe me I understand how hard it is to forgo sleep once you become a parent but to think this way all the time is completely selfish.

You know very well you're not being "evil", what a stupid and petulant thing for him to say. Will he be making sure he makes plenty of noise with DS so that you can't enjoy your lie-in? Happens here sometimes too Angry

AmberLeaf · 22/04/2012 07:21

What a lazy rude prick.

Given him the benefit for 20 seconds.....was he half asleep when he said it? I know some people struggle with being woken. but that would only excuse the things he said not the lazy dodging of duties.

Either way YANBU

AThingInYourLife · 22/04/2012 07:21

Wow, you aren't evil, but someone living in your house is coming pretty close.

allgoodindahood · 22/04/2012 07:24

Looking after a toddler all day and night is far more tiring than going to work imho, at least he gets a break. When I was on mat leave and Dh was working full time he did the bottle night feeds (mixed fed) and bathtimes. Your Dh is out of order and rude.

Proudnscary · 22/04/2012 07:41

Please tell me your h didn't actually use the words 'evil fucking bitch'?

If so I agree, your toddler is way down there on your list of problems.

Are you OK?

CovertTwinkle · 22/04/2012 07:52

OP YalreadyknowYANBU. Speaking to you in such a way is undermining, belittling, disrespectful and completely unacceptable in ANY circumstance. You need to make that COMPLETELY understood - you are doing him a favour by allowing him not to bother with his DS at night because he thinks his job entitles him to being less a parent than you. He needs a sharp shock to knock some sense (and manners) into him IMO. No way you should be dealing with two toddlers.

Does he always speak to you like that? Or just when he feels you are in the wrong? Angry

I would treat yourself today OP. And make your P make it up to you big time. If its a one off that is...

ledkr · 22/04/2012 07:58

When its your lie in go and sleep at a mates or better stil a hotel Grin

He is behaving like a knob.My dh works really hard and does more than his fair share of nights and early wakes. He loves me and doesnt like to see me struggle on my own.

Cassettetapeandpencil · 22/04/2012 08:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadamFolly · 22/04/2012 08:04

Is this completly out of the blue or does he normally speak rudely to you?

Do you think he has lost respect for you since you became a SAHM?

timetochangeagain · 22/04/2012 08:08

Im really torn on this one, not on the way he spoke to you, bang out of line.

I dont wake my husband in the night and mine are terrible sleepers, but he is up at 5.30 in the morning.

That said, dh does a lot with them after work, so i get a good break in the evenings. I just dont think its right to get him up when if Im too tired. we can lay in bed and watch tv for a few hours,.

t0lk13n · 22/04/2012 08:08

Go out and let him cook lunch with said dc. Then dont come back until you feel ready. Thats what I would do.

grobagsforever · 22/04/2012 08:08

Wow. What a nasty, unpleasant man. Does ge always speak to you like this?SadSadSad

timetochangeagain · 22/04/2012 08:12

DH would get up if I asked him mind you.

StealthPolarBear · 22/04/2012 08:16

So your DS wanted to get up, your DH refused to get up and yet YOU should have stayed in bed longer
How, exactly?

Sassyfrassy · 22/04/2012 08:20

In our house, DH is the stay at home parent and I work. On weekdays he is in charge of the odd night time wake up. If it is a bad night and dd2 wakes up a lot I will help out.
On weekends, the rule is that the person who has a lie in deals with anything in the night. Makes sense to me.

I think your DH is unreasonable and needs to pitch in more and do his bit. He sounds like he feels entitled to always having a good sleep. That's not how life is for parents though.

picnicbasketcase · 22/04/2012 08:24

No excuse whatsoever for him to call you an evil fucking bitch. It's a massive overreaction not to mention incredibly insulting.

HolyCalamityJane · 22/04/2012 08:38

I am a SAHM and DH works full-time but does ALL the night feeds and let's me have a lie in both days at weekend and cooks dinner on both nights at weekend. Suddenly I feel like an evil bitch Blush

YADNBU your DH should be overjoyed to have such an amazing wife! You definitely need to sort this issue out he must never speak to you like this again and needs to do much more to help out. You can tell him the way he spoke to you has given you the wake up call you needed as it is now clear he doesn't appreciate you.

What a nasty manAngry

timetochangeagain · 22/04/2012 08:41

Holy as long as you and dh are both happy, thats all that matters.

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