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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mother needs to accept a proportion of blame for the way her dd's turned out?

223 replies

Memoo · 21/04/2012 13:04

The father does too of course but he isn't the one being interviewed.

I actually felt quite angry reading this article and sad for the dd's who were dumped back into care. The poor girls had shit upbringings. It's no wonder they grew up angry and violent. And the stupid mother seems intent to blame everyone but herself.

Sorry daily fail link

OP posts:
MrsShitty · 21/04/2012 13:15

They didn't have a shit upringing once they were with the adoptive family though...they both had a good upbringing then. It sounds like the older girl ha some kind of SN which was not diagnosed.

Aribura · 21/04/2012 13:18

YABU I'd like to see you bloody try.

pictish · 21/04/2012 13:21

What Aribura said.

VodkaJelly · 21/04/2012 13:23

Wow, would you like to hitch your judgey pants up abit? I take you dont know the family or the kids invloved, so I am not sure how you can lay the blame at the mothers door. How do you know she didnt do her best by the kids? They were not "dumped" back into care but were put there by somebody who could no longer cope.

Be grateful your life is so bloody perfect

cornsyilk · 21/04/2012 13:23

Those girls clearly needed a lot of help and intervention which they didn't get - how is that the mother's fault?

DontGiveaMonkeys · 21/04/2012 13:24

They didn't have a shit upringing once they were with the adoptive family though...they both had a good upbringing then.

but if you have a terrible start, who knows what damage that does that can never be undone

just look at some of the threads on here where people cant get past certain things that happened donkeys years ago, it demonstrates that the mind is very easily damaged

cornsyilk · 21/04/2012 13:25

...and I 'actually felt quite angry' reading your OP.

pictish · 21/04/2012 13:25

The behaviours the older girl was exhibiting were not the result of her mother just being a bit soft ffs.
That's a disturbed young lady right there. What would you suggest her mother could have done about her setting fire to things, and sleeping with homeless people...or randomly attacking her sister?

ByTheSea · 21/04/2012 13:28

OP = you clearly have no idea what this kind of start can do to a child. FWIW, this story hits far too close to home for me. :(

Methe · 21/04/2012 13:28

Sounds like they were both ruined by their birth mother.

sausagesandmarmelade · 21/04/2012 13:30

You are JOKING!

Sounds like the parents did all they can...but they were out of their depth.

These children had problems that they couldn't solve....it was not their fault for the way they turned out.

LadyBeagleEyes · 21/04/2012 13:32

What a sad, sad story.

HangingGarden · 21/04/2012 13:32

I felt so very sad for all concerned.

Its very easy to condemn.

The couple wanted children so very much and were maybe viewing their beautiful girls through rose tinted specs. Do you not wonder if the 3 year old had learned to manipulate at an early age? If the new-found 'family' did not really teach her to love herself and those around her? Not through any real shortcomings, but a lack of realisation that she was a very troubled child?
It appears that they 'gave them everything' but that was not enough.
Parenthood as shown in the media is all sweet and nice, babies don't cry for hours, children are not naughty... but lets face it life with your own children can be trying, and taking on little folk who have not had a happy start in life where you have no concept of what they have experienced must be hugely challenging.

I suppose we all bear responsibility for what sort of people our children become, but can anyone really say where these folk went wrong?

pictish · 21/04/2012 13:32

Mmm...I think many children have bad beginnings like these two girls, but most of them do not go on to display such intense and disturbing behaviour.
I think there's a chance that there is an innate personality disorder at play here, and probably a 'family trait'.

pictish · 21/04/2012 13:33

Not that I'm an expert by any means. Just saying.

pictish · 21/04/2012 13:35

The older daughter reads like a sociopath/psychopath.

sausagesandmarmelade · 21/04/2012 13:35

Very good point pictish

Many children do have difficult childhoods and don't go on to behave in the way these children did.

It's very easy to blame parents....but there comes a point when children have to be accountable/take some responsibility for their behaviour...and their choices.

2shoes · 21/04/2012 13:36

just read that and she cam across a s aloving mum who wasn't given enough support

Original poster
Memoo · 21/04/2012 13:36

No, What I mean is that the mother is basically implying the girls basically inherited some kind of bad gene that meant the girls were destined to turn out bad.

Plus you can't just give your kids back just because they fuck up and get things wrong.

And, why the hell is she bitching about her daughters in a tabloid newspaper. Who does that!?

OP posts:
beautifulwho · 21/04/2012 13:37

I think none of us can comment Biscuit

2shoes · 21/04/2012 13:38

to high light the lack of help she got.
she should have got more support, if she had. who knows how it would have turned out, but she might have stood a chance.
horrid judgey op

pictish · 21/04/2012 13:40

Well I agree with the mother.
There is some evidence that would tally in with a shared personality disorder.

VodkaJelly · 21/04/2012 13:42

Memoo you seem to be under some impression that birth mothers dont put their kids into care when the going gets rough, well they do. When a childs behaviour is out of control and damaging to others in the family then kids have been put into care as they family can no longer cope. So why is the scorn reserved for adoptive parents doing this?

Plenty of people bitch about their children in the papers, just open any copy of Take a Break or Chat magazine, you must walk round in blinkers not to see it.

beautifulwho · 21/04/2012 13:43

Ah yes, from a daily mail article we can possibly diagnose a PD. I think the mum had NPD for what it's worth, which is um, not much Hmm

beautifulwho · 21/04/2012 13:44

Well, if 'plenty of people' do it Hmm

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