To think this mother needs to accept a proportion of blame for the way her dd's turned out?

[Memoo]

The father does too of course but he isn't the one being interviewed.

I actually felt quite angry reading this article and sad for the dd's who were dumped back into care. The poor girls had shit upbringings. It's no wonder they grew up angry and violent. And the stupid mother seems intent to blame everyone but herself.

Sorry daily fail link

The mother says when the girl was still small she discovered their birth mother had gone to jail and she worried that her Dd was the same.

It sounds like she labelled the girl very early on as bad.

It is a truly heartbreaking story.

I read this earlier today and felt sorry for all of them. The adoptive parents were clearly out of depth, and good for them for realising this fairly quickly and asking for help. It isn't their fault they didn't get that help.

Both the girls were clearly troubled- more so the eldest. If she really was that bad (and I don't doubt that she was) why did the hell did no one step in to help them at all? Where was social services? Why offer them parenting tips? Presumably, these tips were aimed at children who weren't from extremely troubled backgrounds and who weren't so far gone they had already been expelled from pre-school and then (I think) school?

It's all very well to judge this couple for putting the girls back into care- that must have been so hard- but were you there? Have you ever had to cope with the responsibilty of troubled children like that? This poor lady had a stroke in the end and was dealing with this all on her own. What would you have done differently OP?

she asked for help for her child - she didn't get it. It's tragic.

who knows why she's sold her story?
perhaps she gets judged as a bad mother all the time in everyday life and wants to put her side across?
And she's not 'bitching' about her daughter in any way.

YABU

Hasn't it been shown that children can develop an attachment disorder if they don't form a firm attachment to a caregiver in the early months of their life?

Two friends my parents age adopted a daughter, my age. The birth mother was a reckless woman who abandoned her daughter for sex, drugs and drink. My friends parents both work with children for a living, are lovely loving people. The daughter went down the exact same path as her mother despite all the love, time and material stuff she was given. The friends are now raising their two grandchildren after the adoptive daughter abandoned them.

I know looking at it it seems they must have done something wrong, but having seen this up close I doubt it. The Grandchildren are both lovely and wonderful to be around, there are some SN issues which the grandparents deal with fantastically, again demonstrating their loving devotion to the children in their care.

I'm not diagnosing anything - so there's no need to be rude.
I'm simply offering my take on it, having already made clear I am no expert on the subject. It's just a perspective.

I read this earlier and I did feel the mother's story was a bit off. Her complaint is with the lack of support and honesty she received for SS, which I can completely sympathise with. HOWEVER, I am however very suspicious that they were so well off and yet did not pay for private psychologists for child who so obviously damaged. I cannot believe in a 'bad gene' either. Sounds like there's more to this than she's letting on.

Naming and shaming your own daughter in the press? Unforgivable.

'The mother says when the girl was still small she discovered their birth mother had gone to jail and she worried that her Dd was the same. '
she discovered that the mother had been convicted of murder whilst the child was exhibiting disturbed behaviour. I think most people would worry.

Know some-one who did that to a child memoo and I sat and watched as they sobbed they had always known they would turn out bad because of their father- her son murdered a young boy with his mates and dumped his body in a canal, bet he had a PD

Yes beautifulwo, PLENTY of people bitch about others, doesnt make it right or wrong, just that they do.

pictish sorry but you do need to no more before banding about the term 'personality disorder'

No I don't. I can say whatever I please thanks.

Of course it's wrong to put anyone's life history in a newspaper?!

i think it is sad for all and they should have got a lot more support

what i do not like is the publicity that surronds stories like these, do these women really need everyone to know what happened to them and for their adoptive parents to sell their story

i feel what is driving them to be so public is their guilt and their need for confirmation that they did the right thing, it will no doubt come back to haunt them which is sad

Fair enough pictish I guess that's what the article is there for

And erm...you don't have any insight into what I may, or may not know about personality disorders, do you?
Why are you telling me what to think and say?

What MrsShitty and pictish said.

This article made me uncomfortable and i'm not quite sure why. I think perhaps it's because children in care have a hard enough time as it is and this comes across almost as a warning to potential adoptive parents.

Also the whole "Bad bitch, Bad pup" theory is very damaging. All of these things are very complex and shouldn't be threw around willynilly.

I don't know... I just didn't like it.

why does everything have to be a blame culture

sadly children can come from loving households and can still turn out to be criminals, sadly some come from career criminals family, and dont turn out like their parents, (like myself).

pictish no I don't know what you know, apologies

I'm off out for lunch...but just wanted to add...I am not 'diagnosing' a personality disorder...I am simply commenting that it was the first and most predominent notion that struck me throughout the article.
Think this thread will run and run, so am off to get some eats instead.

No worries BW!

I don't know. It's not easy. I know three adoptive children (all now grown up) very well

1. One girl had a baby at 16, in prison at 17. Her two adopted siblings (birth children to the adopting couple) both went to university and have responsible jobs and secure families
2. One boy is currently in prison for a racially aggravated murder. His adopted sibling, again a birth child to the adoptive couple also went to university and has a responsible job
3. One girl has done moderately well - some self-harming issues but seems to be doing okay

So my sample size is small, but what I know is that none of the parents gave up. It's just maybe that too much damage had been done before they adopted the children.

anyone can have a insight to PD pictish, however no one even in the professional capacity, will make that "diagnosis", over a article, and especially one that is renowned for its exaggerations and lies.