To think this mother needs to accept a proportion of blame for the way her dd's turned out?

[Memoo]

The father does too of course but he isn't the one being interviewed.

I actually felt quite angry reading this article and sad for the dd's who were dumped back into care. The poor girls had shit upbringings. It's no wonder they grew up angry and violent. And the stupid mother seems intent to blame everyone but herself.

Sorry daily fail link

gafhyb

What needed is making sure that adoptive parents have realalistic expectations of what adopting a child will be like

This is not the 60s were children we're released for adoption just because the mother was in wed, we're most of the mother would not have been on drugs,drinking , having sex with randoms whilest pregnant

2012 mothers have their children removed because they are up to god knows what with god knows who with little regard to their children or in some cases to their unborn child also were the child is very likey to have lived in the harmful enviorment for a number of years whilest the family courts pretend these people can actally parent

veritythebrave sadly whilest children are on foster carer a large amount of contact is encouraged between bio parents and child often daily so on the surface they are having a fab child hood with the carer but still have that toxic tie that sadly binds

Very hard to effectivly parent a child who is haveung unsupervised contact every weekend with parents who are actively taking drugs and drinking.

"Meanwhile, she wants to warn other parents of the perils of adopting ?damaged? children."

More bad press for adoption then

Their are no other types of children up for adoption

The proportion of children relinquished these days is so small
I been fosterin for years and I haven't come across yet parents who have no real issues just realise they can't cope so have put the child up for adoption

Sadly ss have to remove children in the vast amount of cases form people with no clue about how to parent

There was a girl in my DS's class at school who was adopted from a terrible situation along with her younger sister, very like in this story. The parents seemed devoted to them (although I did not know them very well) and were financially very secure.

Both girls went off the rails as teenagers. I don't know about one of them but the other one has had 2 babies in a short time and is living in a seedy area with a known drug dealer.

I remember their father being quite overcome at a school event and asking a group of other parents if we "believed in bad blood". I don't know enough to know if I do or not but I know I feel very sorry for all of them.

MRBO-are you claming that children placed under the LAC system are having unsupervised contact in your LA? and this is happening now?

Birds Yes it's actally happening I have had to my go to a neural meeting point to pick up a child who has been at contact with a parent over night.

Also this happens a lot with teens were the teen and the parent sort out contact with almost no involvement from ss which is frighting, the teens are haveing weekend contact

This tends to happend when a child is in long term care more

Teens have the right to decide, unfortunately, in some cases, but tbh, there wouldn't be a solution to that except to incarcerate the child, which is as abusive as what they may be subjected to at the hands of their parents.

So are you talking about weekend access by a birth parent, when planning is moving towards the child returning?

If it was when the child was under a interim care order, then that would be breaking the law, unless it was the non resident parent and assessments had not been finished (again with a view to residency).

That shouldn't happen unless the parent isbeing drug/alcohol tested etc. The only cases that ihave handled which that happens in, is when the issue has beeen mental illness/disability in the parent, the parent couldn't manage 7 day a week care, but was not deliberately neglectful.

verity- I am so shocked that the child's HIV status was not disclosed. Unforgivable.

A family member was adopted with a bio sibling, and the bio sibling went to a young offenders unit. He got a lot of counselling and it was their past which was clear in his head. He didn't know how to tell his adoptive parents that he was having nightmares about the abuse and that he remembered everything very clearly. Since then he's had a very good life and built up a good career, but he still struggles socially.

Bad parenting + SS being slow to place children with adoptive parents + lack of long term support to the parents and children = lots of very damaged children who struggle to have normal relationships.

When children get awful parenting as babies it changes the way their brains develop. They lose the ability to form bonds with others. It does damage that very intense support and counselling may help the adoptive parents and children to work around, but it can't really be undone. Without that support it's likely to lead to very troubled, unhappy families.

I feel desperately sad and sorry for those two young women, as well as angry that they didn't get the help they desperately needed. I was rather infuriated by the DM blathering on about the material goods when it is crystal clear that designer clothes were never going to be the answer.

I have recently written a long and thouroughly researched essay on attachment theory. The relationship a child has (or doesn't have) in their early months is crucial to long-term emotional development. We have no idea what happened in the girls' early lives but I'm prepared to bet a serious amount of money that it was pretty horrific.

One thing is for sure, that in an awful lot of cases, adoptive parents do not get the long-term support that they (and the children) need.

Well at least I know why I'm so fucked up eh? It's not all doom and gloom and I don't know why I'm still reading this thread but all I can think is that there must be varying degrees of maternal deprivation. If a baby has nurses looking after it instead of the mother; would that improve things?

Narked

Although I do agree ss are sometimes slow to place children with families I do feel to be fair it's often the courts that string things Along

When a parent has already had several chidren removed and they know things won't pan out they do move quickly

I know the time between removal and adoption can be a long wait and that can be put at the feet of courts and sw but I would be interested to know the ravage time a child waits from the time they are removed and the time the judge allows the case to go on for

I had a few fc were their cases have go on for years with judge not wanting to rule either way for adoption or to go back home

beautifulwho I think the key issue is that because these girls received no help, then the chance of there being hope was slim to none. Of course there are other factors and some individuals are very resilient. There is always hope.

i saw the article this morning. i too thought that the mum might have some responsibility, perhaps, but that the 'services' weren't there for the children. they needed intervention from the time of their adoption, not from ten or more.

i have occasionally met, through my work, young people who are beyond parental control and for whom normal boundaries do not seem to apply. i don't have a solution about how to deal with them.

but even if one in five adoptions fail that means the majority at least muddle on. that's like with birth families, surely?

crashdoll that makes sense, will hide the thread now, thank you x

lovebunny, 1 in 5 may be officially annulled, most of the others also fail unoficially. The children can go back into care, if the adoptive parents retain some parental authoity, thisis not counted as a failed adoption. Ifthe relationships break down completely after the childs 16th birthday this is not counted statistically as a failed adoption. If the relationships break fown completely after the childs 14th birthday it is likely that ss won't go through the process of officially cancelling the adoption, becasue it would take nearly up to the 16th birthday to complete anyway. If the parents leave home and sleep on friends living room floor because they can't cope with the violence from teenage adopted childen, this does not count as an official breakdown, especially as they are unlikely to even tell social services! if the childs social worker leaves, moves, gets promoted, losses their records, the adoption would never be officially anulled, as the paperwork wouldn't be there, so what everhappens, these statistics would never show.

I know cases of all of the above, most adoptionsI have been aware of proffesionaly have failed, but most of these failures were not recorded statistically

I would be interested to know the ravage time a child waits from the time they are removed and the time the judge allows the case to go on for

There is no average and it isn't a simple choice between returning to parents or adoption, there can be movement around the whole family and foster care.

Long term foster care (until the child is 18) is used and Special Guardianship orders.

Permancy plans are looked at within 18 months, but that is depending on circumstances, it isn't uncommon for the birth mother to be pregnant again, in that time.

6 months is being looked at when there are complex problems in the family, which have no signs of being imporoved/removed.

i too thought that the mum might have some responsibility, perhaps, but that the 'services' weren't there for the children

We are/were a family of SW's/nurses/GP's but i still found it a daily struggle to get support for my DD (around the sameage as the daughter), so in all fairness someone who doesn't know anything about SN/psychological problems wouldn't stand much of a chance.

Who knows the ins and outs...

BUT

there are frequent references to how the "only" support given was "parenting skills" etc and she says they struggled to parent consistently, taking very different tacks on it and then splitting up.

It sounds they didn't have enough help certainly, but I am not buying that when they arrived as those tiny little girls in that picture the end was a foregone conclusion.

I say this as someone whose cousin has a severe mental illness that looking back we can see signs of in early childhood... and yes, sometimes these things are inherited.. but the difference is that he is fighting his nature constantly and bravely and we all recognise this in the family. These girls are being talked about as "bad seeds". I don't like it.

No, thunks, no one is saying they are bad seeds, just highlighting how severely damagedchildren can be by neglect during their first months and years of life. We are talking about RAD, and it's devistating effects, and how this needs to be recognised and understood far more.

A lot of people do beleive adopted children can recover from earlier trauma, sadly this is often not true.

YABU. I could go on and on about genes, but I will not.

Alot is understood and what therapies will help, but they won't be funded.

There is new credible research adding to the exsisting knowledge all the time, but there has tobe a comittment to providing enough of the right services, which there isn't.

Me and my brother are adopted, to fantastic parents, and whilst it hasnt affected me in any way. My brother is different. Our birth mother could make up her mind if she wanted to keep him or not, this lasted till he was around one. She has two other children ( - one who's 'Emotionally Backward' as the report shows, if anyone knows what that is, id be interested in finding out) He needed to go into hospital when he was young for a number of weeks, and she left him their, and didnt visit for the month + he was in.

When my mum and dad adopted him, he was a very clingy toddler they say, he never wanted anyone to be away from each other, even though he was a baby and their was no abuse suffered, it has affected him terribly. He also has special needs, but i do think this attributes to some of his problems.