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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who was BU? Me, or the cat's bum mouth couple?

107 replies

BellaOfTheBalls · 21/04/2012 12:08

DS1 is almost 4 & was quite late to potty train so I am still slightly panicky. Today, exactly halfway between the cafe we have just left and our house he announces that he "needs a wee RIGHT NOW Mummy!". I hurry him up the road as fast as I can which is no mean feat with two bags of shopping and DS2 in his pram. I get as far as a big tree on a quiet street about 300yds from our house where he has a wee against the tree. There are no houses nearby, the tree is at tge entrance to a car park. He was cross eyed & tearful with the effort; he would not have made it home. A couple are walking past, giving it cats bum
mouths & looking at me as if I had just openly defecated on their living room floor.

When a boys gotta go, a boys gotta go right? WIBU?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 21/04/2012 19:19

The only bit you were unreasonable about was not taking your unreliable child to the toilet at the cafe whether he claimed not to need it or not. I always make mine go before we set off anywhere (me included!).

RobinSparkles · 21/04/2012 19:29

Hopefully, no one is saying that 4 year olds are dogs, just saying that little boy pee is no dirtier.

You're saying that you honestly never got caught short with your DC? Really? Well done!

FWIW, the day that I refer to with my DD, in the park, she had been to the toilet before we left for the park. I knew that there were toilets at the park but when we got there they were locked. We were about a mile and a half away from home so a tree was our only option! She was 2 and a half and there's no way she would have been able to hold it for the walk home. What would your solution be? She's a girl so unfortunately doesn't have the luxury of being able to do it in an empty bottle or Tupperware container. I could have taken a potty I guess, but surely it's just as "cat's bum mouth worthy" seeing a toddler on a potty in the middle of a park? And why would I as I expected the toilets to be unlocked? and I probably would just empty the potty onto the grass anyway

5madthings · 21/04/2012 19:32

soupdragon i can and do take ds4 to the toilet but i cant actually make him wee! make him pull his trousers and pants down yes, but actually wee NOPE! if he does not need a wee right then he wont do one, whereas ds1 and ds3 would have a go and even jsut squeeze out a drop of wee, as i siad i always made them do a 'wee check' but not all kids will do it!

Original poster
BellaOfTheBalls · 21/04/2012 19:38

Yes I probably could have taken him to the toilets in the cafe. But it was heaving, the toilets are tiny and I had the pram, a screaming baby & 2 large bags of shopping. I asked, he said no, I left it at that.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 21/04/2012 19:42

So you ended up with a child who was "cross eyed and tearful".

[shrug]

Tranquilidade · 21/04/2012 19:48

I know these things happen but surely you could have found somewhere a bit out of view. It can't be pleasant for someone, probably not used to children, to have to watch a child weeing in full view.

Original poster
BellaOfTheBalls · 21/04/2012 19:48

Unfortunately soupdragon I have not yet trained my X-ray vision to check DS1's bladder, nor set up my in-built lie detector's Child Bladder Checking function. Clearly I must try harder.

OP posts:
5madthings · 21/04/2012 19:51

bellaoftheballs you asked him he said no, my ds4 will be the same, i can ask him and EVEN TAKE HIM TO THE TOILET where he wont go and then 5 mins later he will be 'busting' and on the verge of tears, some children just dont get the urge to go until they really need it, its something that gets better with age ime.

but a good thing to do is keep an empty plastic bottle with lid! under the pushchair for when you are caught short and then you can just tip it down a nearby drain!

hairylemon · 21/04/2012 20:21

Well pissing on demand is soooooo easy Hmm

BarredfromhavingStella · 21/04/2012 20:38

I feel I have to say that my friend who is a lovely 52 year old lady goes running in the countryside where she lives & has been caught short on numerous occasions for both number ones & twos & thinks nothing of going behind a bush for either!!! This is a source of much hilarity between us & I think too many people take themselves far too seriously-lighten up Wink

Hopefullyrecovering · 21/04/2012 20:47

I've been wondering about this and I think that urinating in public is actually an offence. Notices can be issued for urinating in public. These notices result in instant fines that vary based on the severity of what happened in each case.

So I don't imagine that a small person urinating in public would result in a notice. An adult is a very different issue, though.

SardineQueen · 21/04/2012 20:58

YANBU at all. Small people with small bladders get caught short sometimes Smile

And not just boys either, girls get caught short too!

Once when we were out and DD1 (2.5 at the time) needed a wee, DD2 in pushchair (newborn) and so I got her to go between 2 cars over a drain in a quiet road and a man came out of his house and started screaming and shouting at us.

SardineQueen · 21/04/2012 21:01

Grown ups pee in the bushes as well when out for long walks and stuff.
I don't really understand the outrage here from some quarters.
If a dog can pee anywhere and no-one bats an eyelid then why not a small child.
V uptight people around.
Maybe some crossover with people on threads who won't poo except in their own toilet Grin

Hopefullyrecovering · 21/04/2012 21:03

Okay, so can we agree on one thing? Based on the CBF reactions of me, and others, to this phenomenon.

Urinating in public can cause offence to others. It is nicer and kinder to avoid causing offence to others. Therefore, it is something to be avoided unless a dire emergency has occurred.

Isn't that a reasonable approach?

flibbertywidget · 21/04/2012 21:06

FFS people. Some of you are getting your bloody judgy girdles well and truly twisted.

OP, YANBU, shit happens, literally with children. And it is just wee. TBH I think spit is more disgusting than a child who has been on this earth just 4 years, having a wee outside!

My little girl used to often want to "poo" when we were out. I remember another mum screaming at her son (same age), "no you can't bloody poo outside, are you some kind of disgusting animal?" - not an entirely supportive response for a potty training child.

I believe the reason why children were potty trained earlier, was largely due the fact that our mothers got pissed off with washing copious amounts of nappies and we were sat on potties earlier. I don't believe that it meant we were fully trained earlier, but that we were simply trained longer as I recall.

seeker · 21/04/2012 21:44

Anybody who is offended by a glimpse of a 4 year old having a pee behind a tree is a person who does not deserve any consideration whatsoever.

SardineQueen · 21/04/2012 21:47

"I believe the reason why children were potty trained earlier, was largely due the fact that our mothers got pissed off with washing copious amounts of nappies and we were sat on potties earlier. I don't believe that it meant we were fully trained earlier, but that we were simply trained longer as I recall."

YY

My mum and I have discussed. In the days with cloth nappies and no washing machines, potty training was paramount. So you sat the child on the potty until something happened, let them run around a bit, and then back on the potty until something else happened. etc. Not really potty trained, just catching it. And I don't blame them!

MessyTerrier · 21/04/2012 21:51

They WBU. I do this all the time with my little boys. We try to be discreet but are not always successful, in which case we receive conspiratorial winks and chuckles from passersby who have/had young children. Not to worry Smile

Nevertooearlyforcake · 21/04/2012 23:45

My friend was in a cable car when her little DS needed a wee. She positioned him so he could wee out of the air vent... Love to see what Cats Bum Mouth couple would have made of that...

DollysDrawers · 22/04/2012 08:13

'Anybody who is offended by a glimpse of a 4 year old having a pee behind a tree is a person who does not deserve any consideration whatsoever.'

I heartily agree seeker. There are far too many people around these days who like to be offended by just about anything. DH calls them 'professional knobs'.

picnicbasketcase · 22/04/2012 08:22

Somehow, this never happened with either of my DC but I would have let them pee somewhere discreet if it had been necessary, surely anyone would. Letting them wet themselves if they can't get to a loo quickly enough has an air of punishment about it, like people who rub their pet's nose in their wee to teach them a lesson Hmm

AmberLeaf · 22/04/2012 08:54

I dont give a stuff about an adult who is offended by a discrete alfresco wee by a 4 yr old.

How can you be offended by that?

I am Shock that someone was suggesting that you should let a child wet themselves so as not to cause offense to adults who clearly have issues

SmethwickBelle · 22/04/2012 09:00

I don't think you were unreasonable.

I insist my ds1 who's nearly five "just has a try" if we're leaving a place or there's a loo before a long stretch without a loo.. even if he swears blind he doesn't need a wee - he normally does have one.

BoffinMum · 22/04/2012 09:05

Good thing the couple weren't in China. When I was in Beijing kids were pissing all over the place. It was considered completely normal.

Seriously, occasionally I have had to do this with my boys and it's not a bit deal as long as it's near a tree or bush or whatever, or into a drain. The couple need to get over themselves.

MsWeatherwax · 22/04/2012 09:51

I think the real issue is the lack of public toilets out and about. There has been a decline in them.

For what it's worth, dogs pissing bothers me too.