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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who was BU? Me, or the cat's bum mouth couple?

107 replies

BellaOfTheBalls · 21/04/2012 12:08

DS1 is almost 4 & was quite late to potty train so I am still slightly panicky. Today, exactly halfway between the cafe we have just left and our house he announces that he "needs a wee RIGHT NOW Mummy!". I hurry him up the road as fast as I can which is no mean feat with two bags of shopping and DS2 in his pram. I get as far as a big tree on a quiet street about 300yds from our house where he has a wee against the tree. There are no houses nearby, the tree is at tge entrance to a car park. He was cross eyed & tearful with the effort; he would not have made it home. A couple are walking past, giving it cats bum
mouths & looking at me as if I had just openly defecated on their living room floor.

When a boys gotta go, a boys gotta go right? WIBU?

OP posts:
Hopefullyrecovering · 21/04/2012 17:51

:) at Seeker. You've got me bang to rights. That is indeed what I was thinking. Also thinking 'is it any wonder that grown men do this when pissed, if their mums let them do the same when they were 4'.

halcyondays · 21/04/2012 17:52

I'm sure there are plenty of young children that have had to do an emergency wee under a tree when about 3. Doesn't mean they're going to grow up to just pee all over the place. If they can hold on until they get to the nearest toilet, great, if they really can't then a child weeing under a tree is hardly the end of the world. I'd rather see a child wee undera tree than wet themselves.

Even if they had gone to the loo in the cafe it doesn't guarantee anything. The other day I made sure dd went to the loo before we went to collect her sister from school. She did a poo, great but no wee wee, despite not having gone for a few hours. Then on the way home she said she needed the toilet and she couldn't wait so I led her over to a tree, but then she said she couldn't anything and she did manage to make it home.

seeker · 21/04/2012 17:54

But 4 year olds can do lots of things that grown ups can't! Out of interest, what would you have done if you were on a walk and your child needed a pee? Make hom wait til he got home? Wet himself?

PigeonPie · 21/04/2012 17:56

It's funny, but if I'd had DS2 first I wouldn't have understood that DS1 couldn't last as DS2 is so reliable (he was dry before he was 2) but DS1 was a completely different kettle of fish and still at 6 isn't completely reliable.

All children are different and you / and they are lucky if they sort themselves quickly.

rubyslippers · 21/04/2012 17:57

YANBU

I don't see a connection between a 4 year old having an emergency wee in a tree and a grown man, pissed on 10 pints of Stella doing the same

I think peeing against a tree for a just potty trained child is better than letting them wet themselves TBH

Queenofcake · 21/04/2012 17:57

Is it just mums of boys that let them pee outside?? Do little girls being potty trained have to hold it until they get to a loo??? ConfusedSmile

Hopefullyrecovering · 21/04/2012 18:04

See I thought it was the other way round. That grown-ups can do lots of things that 4 YOs can't. Like drink, drive, vote, have sex etc.

4 YOs are jolly capable really, if you let them. You can choose to be indulgent (over-indulgent?) about these things and carry on treating them as though they are 2. They can sit down and eat a meal with a knife and fork and not leave the table. They can behave with courtesy and consideration.

You ask me what I would have done? It wouldn't have happened to me because mine were in school by then and fully toilet trained. I can imagine a similar scenario happening when they were 2, possibly. But I would have had them in pull-ups until they were reliable. I would have taken them to the cafe before a journey home. I would ABSOLUTELY NOT have had them pissing up against a tree.

PigeonPie · 21/04/2012 18:07

Hopefully - you are obviously extremely very fortunate.

ll31 · 21/04/2012 18:12

yanbu tho if he's only being potty trained while I'd ask him if he wanted to go before you left cafe, I'd be also bringing him into tolilets there anyway before you left "just to see if you want to go"....

halcyondays · 21/04/2012 18:13

It would be really silly to have them in pull ups if they were reliable most of the time. Besides, some children will just wee in pull ups and not try to go to the toilet so they can be counterproductive.

greenbananas · 21/04/2012 18:17

Queenofcake my friend with 2 little girls has let them pee outside on many an occasion when they have been caught short too far from a toilet (e.g. in the bushes at the park). Much easier with boys though.

Hopefullyrecovering · 21/04/2012 18:21

Do you think so? I don't know. I wonder if some of the time it might be that the child isn't ready. But some of the time I wonder if the parent isn't ready. I've been reading articles about cultural expectations around toilet training, which make for fascinating reading.

My feeling is that the nappy companies encourage some degree of parental laziness when it comes to toilet training. In 1951, 90% of children were fully toilet trained by the age of 2. I can't find a statistic for nowadays, but I'd bet my house that it's at least a year later, really for no particular reason.

seeker · 21/04/2012 18:26

So you are on a walk. A mile from the nearest loo. Your child needs a pee. What do you do?

heather1 · 21/04/2012 18:29

CBM were being totally unreasonable. When they need to go and are desperate a wee on a tree is far better than wet trousers and loss of confidence.
As for asking them if they need a wee when you leave the cafe mine will often say "no I dont need a wee" and then literally one minute later as we have walked away be deperate for a wee.
Once I was a Luton airport about to get on a plane. I asked both DC if they needed a toilet. They both said no. So off we go to the easy jet queue. Its massive. DC 2 (aged 4) I need a wee and he was desperate jumping from leg to leg. No toilets and a 20 minute queue before we are on plane. So he weed in the water bottle I had while people walked passed us in a narror corridor as they we so desperate to grab their seat on the plane. I poured the wee in a useful bin and we got on the plan. No harm done!

RobinSparkles · 21/04/2012 18:38

YANBU

My friend used to let her boys stop by a lamp post if they were on a long walk home with no toilets nearby. It was either that or ruin the push chair!

I've had to do it once with DD1. We were at the park a couple of miles from home, I took her to the park toilets but they were locked and she was desperate - no cafe or shops nearby. It's a pain with girls though - she weed all over my shoes Angry so I've never done it since but DH has had to with her.

I once saw a couple pull over, in the car, with a small child and let her wee in the bushes at the side of the road. No cat's bum mouth from me, just a knowing sympathetic look! Grin

There's a big difference between a lazy, pissed bloke and a child that can't hold it.

OldGreyWiffleTest · 21/04/2012 18:38

I used to carry a tupperware pouring container with me at all time until I was sure he could make it home. Willies fit quite nicely into the little round (sealable) hole at the top.

RobinSparkles · 21/04/2012 18:40

Also, agree with whoever said - it's no dirtier than dogs pissing up a tree is it?

Hopefullyrecovering · 21/04/2012 18:42

4 YOs are not dogs.

SherlockGnomes · 21/04/2012 18:45

Driving home today and a mum was suspending her little girl over a grate in the road while she had a wee, mum looked mortified child was (literally) pissing herself laughing. Cheered me up somewhat! YANBU - tis one of those oh-so-familiar child rearing things

DollysDrawers · 21/04/2012 18:45

hopefully you appear to be something of an expert, well done. I was lucky too and none of my (five) children ever had to pee against a tree but there were plenty of dashes to various toilets over the years. If they/we had been caught short I wouldn't have considered it a problem at all.

I like to think of children are individuals and not robots that can be programmed as and when we like it. But as you say, each to their own.

5madthings · 21/04/2012 18:56

yanbu at all, sometimes it has to be done! tho i was moritfied in the school playground the other day when ds4 who was 3 almost 4, pulled down his trousers and weed in the playground, tbf it was on a grassy area but i would have taken him over to the bushes and let him wee there (they wont let you into the school to use the toilets) as it was i kicked some dust/dirt over it to soak it up!

and re taking them before you leave somewhere, i could do this with ds1 and ds3 but ds2 and ds4 just wouldnt do that, they would only wee when they needed to wee and wouldnt have a 'wee check' as i called it with the others.

DumSpiroSpero · 21/04/2012 19:00

YANBU - what else can you do with kids that age? I took DD and her little (boy) friend out when they were 3 or 4 and had both of them in the shrubbery outside the GP's surgery on one occasion (it was a Saturday and the only vaguely discreet place on the way back from the park)!

splashingaround · 21/04/2012 19:02

I had no idea people could care about this. Actually I would so much rather a small child had a wee by a tree than had to use a huge horrafest toilet somewhere. We have been known to wee in car parks before attending some cafes.

My four huge dogs dispense litres each, boy widdle is nothing:)

madmouse · 21/04/2012 19:04

Erm I would think little men peeing against trees are a fairly normal sight. Let them cats bum all they like.

Milliways · 21/04/2012 19:10

My DD used to insist we walked the length of town to get to the John Lewis Loos as she used to actually gag in all the others! She had a bladder of iron.

When visiting friends and she needed a wee she would ask in a VERY loud whisper "But is their toliet smelly Mummy?" Shock

YANBU (I also have a DS and know the problem).