to not want to do this? I feel so crap.

[SlothsAreNotSoLazy]

Right, as a family we all used to live in the same area. Me, my mum, my sisters, my aunt ect... gradually over the last 6 years they have all moved away, about 40 mins away by car and now me and my gran are the only ones who live here. She lives about 3 mins away from me.

I have 5 kids.

My gran is almost 70 now and has many, many problems, they are looking to move her closer to them,

I make extra dinners when i can (but tbh im struggling to get enough to feed us 7!!)

As shes getting worse im feeling more pressure. A few days ago my mum rang and asked me to go round and shower my gran,

I really don't feel comftable with doing this. I feel awful for feeling that way but I'm not that kind of person, it mortifies me.

And now I've just got a phonecall from my aunt saying my gran has had an 'accident' and needs cleaning up and will I go do it.

I said yes as i felt put on the spot but rang my mum straight after and said i couldn't do it and my mum was angry and shouted 'your only round the corner'

i feel annoyed as i dont think its my responsibility and they are the ones that moved away.... but then again she is my gran but i have a large family to look after and i just dont want to get involved with stuff like that :( :(

I really don't know what to do.

My mum is there helping her now but AIBU to say i don't want to be made to clean her up ect??

Im most likely going to have to do all that with my own mum and dad, i dont want to have to go through it twice.

Please dont be mean about me, im not a bad person, just 'personal' things like that turn my tummy :(

I'm a carer and do this for a living but would find it very difficult to do personal care with my grandmother. If social services are already involved, she would already have a social worker. I would ring them and ask for a reassessment of need. They will then try her with a morning carer for a wash and district nurses will provide pads after an incontinence assessment.

I hope this gets sorted

And yanbu.

IME the only way to get SS moving is to "wash your hands" on the elderly person. For example, if they are hospitalised, then you say that there is no one able to help in any way at home. It sounds cruel but it means that wheels have to be set in motion quickly to release the hospital bed.

In this case Op YANBU. I couldn't do it for my grandparents. It literally turns my stomach. It was bad enough doing it for my friends 5 year old when it was smeared down his legs etc, and that was without the embarrassment factor and the adult factor. I have literally thrown up trying to clear up sick for someone.

Somehow, you need to make sure SS aware of what happened and emphasise that there is no one to help her. What do they expect you to do etc? Put pressure on them. While they know someone will step in they will never prioritise your Gran.

I know thats not right and all that but it's what I'd have to do.

Good luck

x posts with Pumpster

It does sound like your gran needs more help and care than she is currently getting.

All credit to you Scuzy but not everyone can do it or for that matter wants it to be done by just anybody.

The GM called one of her daughters not her geographically closer Grandaughter. Perhaps for the GM waiting for one of her daughters to come and help was infinitely preferable to having her GD come. For many people there is a huge step away in relationship terms in going from child to grandchild.

I have stepped in in emergencies yes.

With 5 kids it's clear that the OP cannot provide ongoing care, but she should (imo) have stepped in rather than leave her grandmother in mess for what would have been over an hour.

However, given that this has happened it can be used for the grandmother's benefit. One of her dd's needs to contact SS and explain that this happened, and that it cannot happen again. It sounds as if she needs a resi placement to be honest (although I know that can be difficult because £££'s) because even with a good package of care there are always emergencies and you do need someone nearby who will step in in an emergency. My parents care for an elderly neighbour who has carers go in twice a day. My mum works but she or my dad go in every day to check everything and they are the first point of contact in an emergency. They have had to do things like break in in the middle of the night when she's fallen and yes, clean up. I am the first emergency contact when they are away and have been called out on several occasions. If her emergency contacts were all 40 mins away she simply couldn't stay in her own home.