to wonder how my DH is well respected at work, when he's such a dimwit at home?

[MsVestibule]

DH has a reasonably good job in IT, and I think he's well thought of at work. Well, he's worked there for a long time and keeps getting promoted even though he's a right 9-5er so I assume he's doing OK.

So why does he have absolutely zero common sense sometimes? Latest example: I put a load of washing in the machine while getting the DCs ready for school. He was having a day off work, to recover from his long and arduous golfing weekend, and had a lie-in. I was taking the DCs to school, then on somewhere else and knew I wouldn't be home until 11.45, so left a note saying "Please can you take the washing out of the machine. xx" and left in on the bench.

I returned home at 11.45, to find that yes, he had taken the clothes out of the machine machine. But instead of putting them on the clothes horse, he'd just left them in a big heap in the washing basket. I was and boy, did he know about it. His response was "well, you didn't ask me to put it on the clothes horse." Should I really have had to do that? We haven't had a tumble drier for 2 years, so ALWAYS dry clothes by putting them on the clothes horse. It wasn't that he thought "that's her job, so I'm not doing it" - it genuinely didn't cross his mind to do it.

I do accept I went a bit OTT (there was quite a lot of FFSing from both of us, bit of a surprise, as we rarely argue), but really - am I the only one who needs to spell out every detail of a domestic chore to their OH?! This is not the first time, but I don't normally rant and rave like a lunatic about it.

I could have written your post op.

It must be IT because my dp is the same with an added extra-he takes forever to do things!Would kind of like to know how he can get things done lickety split when he has last minute release dates and deadlines chucked at him but at home it can take him 3/4 of an hour to do the washing up.Beautifully and methodically done but 3/4 of a bloody hour!!!!!!!!

Oh and he doesn't use common sense eg we're up against it and he'll do something so not urgent before something else that needs urgently done or which could be done whilst the urgent thing is happening iykwim.No logic what so ever,whilst at work he'd get an A* for logic.

I have another one who works in IT. And does all of the above.

I also joke with him that he works in another dimension as his watch/timekeeping is way of sync with the real world.

Another IT-by-day, numpty-by-night DH here!

I think 'dimwit' is quite affectionate and much milder than many alternatives It can be understood as 'your wits have become dim', so something that can change, not a perjotative term for a condition that cannot be helped. I also like 'silly billy'.

Bugger having to spell things out.

Bugger having to put things in the 'right' language or be literal.

Bugger 'training' grown men.

Anyone who does stuff like this is just being deliberately obtuse (isn't it also called 'learned helplessness'?) and deserves to be yelled at.

I have come to the conclusion that Xenia some of us know her from other posts and possibly LadyClariceCannockMonty[not noticed you before so could be wrong about you], has a syndrome of her own.Dont know its name yet, that of completely unable to comprehend emotional traits that they have not encountered before, no matter how posts and people tell her.

Million, I would tend to agree with you! But I still appreciate all input, whilst knowing fine well I will be unable to change this particular aspect of his general annoyingness. I've realised I have to pick my battles, but if I too worked full time, it would be a MAJOR issue.

I have to confess, this is one of the reasons I gave up my career after DC2 came along. I knew our family life and marriage would really suffer and I so I made the choice to give it up. Also, I wasn't utterly amazing at my job and round it quite dull sometimes.

My DH can be a bit like this but so can I. Probably why we get on.

Another IT wife here. Not very long ago as I left the house I asked him to remember to put the kids school clothes in the washer. Came home at midnight, he had done it but literaly just that. Not put powder in or set it going.

Of course I was accused of being vague, after all it's not like I haven't been washing school uniforms on an evening for the best part of 15 years now.

He is very literal and most likely is ASD based on the various diagnosis our DC seem to be collecting.

I second MrsHeffleys post about time keeping and washing up. Can bring multi million pound projects in on time but cannot wash up and wipe down kitchen in under 2hrs and not without covering the floor in water.

Getting out of the house deadlines cause such stress I sometimes have to send him to sit in the car and deep breathe. He is very senior at work but looking for coats and shoes give him a nervous breakdown!

Er, thanks, million, lovely post about me.

Perhaps rather than 'unable to comprehend' anything, I just have a different opinion to you and some other posters?

Other posters have expressed similar sentiments to mine. I'm not saying you should say snide things about them as well; just find it a bit strange that you feel the need to mention me (and Xenia) by name, and to no real purpose either.