To think that this way of behaving in a conversation is actually really rather bloody rude?

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

I keep getting a woman coming up to talk to me at the school gates. Her DD is in the same year as my DD. She seems harmless enough but talks about herself all the time. Me me me me me. On the rare occasion that I manage to get a word in edgeways she doesn't even acknowledge that I've spoken.

Today she came over to me to chat again, and was talking about herself, and her upcoming house move, and her daughter's dancing lessons and various other things. I tried to make comments and basically have a 2 way conversation but she wasn't interested. In the end I cut her off mid-sentence and said 'Oh well I hope you have a wonderful weeekend, I'm in a bit of a hurry so need to go now' and off I went.

Is it me or are people like that actually very rude? I have in the past been collared at the school by another mum who behaves in a similar way and actually now I do go out of my way to avoid her. I'm of the 'grab your child and get home ASAP' school of thought when it comes to school runs, maybe occasionally I'll have a chat with one or two of the mums that I'm close to, but i really resent having my 10 minutes of peace and quiet waiting outside the school being talked 'at'.

today's women?

I doubt that this is a new phenomenon, and I have certainly met plenty of men who went on and on and on and on....

I can be like this sometimes.
Other times I am a really good listener.
It depends on how I am feeling.
The lower I feel the more likely I am to behave in a self centred way I think.

For some people its an anxiety thing, can be ASD, can be depression and for most (IMO) it is down to habit. They have got into the habit of talking about themselves and just not listening.

I expect a few are genuinely self centred but I really think most have just never learnt how to listen.

Whatever the cause it is very annoying and waring after a while.

I know someone who only ever goes 'mmm' when you speak as she is waiting for you to shut up so she can carry on. Her eyes actually glaze over.

If she has something she wants to talk about she will carry a prop around and wave it to make people ask e.g. a form or leaflet etc.

She actively avoids anyone with a similar experience to herself because she hates discussion (most of us seek out those with shared experience), she just wants to talk about herself.

She is one of the most irritating people I have ever met.

Sardine, I mean the woman I was talking to today, referred to in my OP..... :)

"
I doubt that this is a new phenomenon, and I have certainly met plenty of men who went on and on and on and on...."

an interesting study - where participants were made to wait in a waiting room on the pretext of participating in another study - found that the men talked more than the female participants.

hexagonal that makes more sense!

I thought you were channelling my grand-dad there for a minute!

Well actually he's dead but you know what I mean.

Let me tell you some things about myself that are of no relevance to you

The worst offender I know (far worse than me or any woman I've met) is a man.

LOL @ Sardine

Everyone in my family does this (loads of narcs). My dad calls me to and talks about irrelevant things (like what the dog is doing, what he can see out of the window etc) he always has the telly on as well so then when i say something about me he watches it and ignores me and just does the odd mmm. A few sentences in he suddenly says (while i'm saying something quite important, once about me being diagnosed with MS or once announcing my pregnancy) 'right then bye' and hangs up or passes the phone to mum.

My sister does it too and walks away from me if i speak or actually pretends she can't hear me.

Aunts, uncles and GP's are also like it. When i grew up i thought this was how you communicated and wondered why i had no friends.

I have bipolar and when i am manic i know i speak fast and over people - but i really do try to be strict with myself.

Lequeen, I totally agree about the 101 conversation rules. And I too think that many people have just never learnt the skill of having a conversation. I don't claim to be perfect at having one but I like to think I at least have a good go and try to keep things balanced.

Spuddy-that's so sad to read :-( re your dad's reactions.

the "load of narcs" expression bit made me laugh tho. I can identify familiarly with this. (haha lets talk about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!)

I always avoid the other parents because we have some of those in the playground too. They're very annoying and totally boring.

Hi Hex me too.
I'm terrible at wanting to avoid school runs for the same reason. DH works shifts so I sometimes send him.
Yes they are rude and up their own arse.
Just smile falsely say nothing and she will get the message .

lequeen Iove your post on the art of conversation.
I reckon you should write an article , people like us could download it ,and then we could email it to all the idiots we know that have their heads firmly wedged up their own arses.

Deathbychocolate I think for people with ASD the biggest problem is that we can't see or read hidden communication. I think that's something like 60% of what is being 'said'. Therefore we can only go by what is explicitly stated. Using subtle clues to hint that today you've got a headache and just want to wait quietly or that you've heard it before is gobbledygook. You have to say actually say it. But saying 'I need to quiet today, please feel free to stand with me, just don't talk' is fine if that's what you mean. But if you really mean 'go away, I don't want to talk to you ever' it just confuses us more.

Of course everyone is different and some people handle being told better than others. Like everyone else, the older we get, the more experienced we get and the less fragile our self asteem. Plus a lot depends on the person doing the telling. If it's done from a place of kindness and with sincerity it's good. If it's done from a place of annoyance or spitefulness it very damaging.

My daughter's school friends prompt her to stop talking. When she's like a stuck record, going on and on, and she can't disengage, they interrupt her and send her to do something. Perhaps get a glass of water. This physical break allows her to make the mental break. I suppose it's a bit like when you distract a crying child by pointing out something over there.

One of my neighbours is like this. She just goes on and on and on about herself and all her stuff. One morning I ran into her and I was excited about something (can't remember what it was) and I just started going on and on and on, I then suddenly remembered that I was running late, excused myself and trotted off. She looked totally stricken that I'd been like this as I normally just stand there in zombie mode 'listening' to her inane prattling. I got my own back that morning

OP, I could have written your post. DC's friend's mum is a talker - just talks at me. Doesn't really care what I have to say other than to compete. So if I said, we went to Paris for the weekend she'd say she'd been to Paris and stayed with the Sarkozys. She is also oblivious to other's feelings. Today another mum was discussing a disastrous Easter trip. Talker Mum kept interrupting her to boast about when she went to same place and how great it was - no empathy at all.

I get through it by playing my own game of Bingo. Since she has to compete on everything (never worked out why because I could trump her at most things) I set up conversation topics and then mentally tick off the phrases and boasts that I expect her to come out with.

I do love a good chatterer in a lot of social situations eg cocktail party, buffet lunch at conferences because they just fill up the space. I find those kinds of situations quite stressful because I'm not a great talker.

For close friend conversations I prefer a bit more give and take and at least a modicum of being listened to :o

I'd love to be more natural at light chit chat (without being a witterer) Anyone got some tips or strategies?

lequeen I'm not being offensive. Sorry .
I do genuinely get frustrated by my DHs lack of social skills.

You are right lequeen. it's can make life quite difficult - I'm a psych nurse so had interpersonal skills drip fed into me .. But Poor DH had a very cold family life and finds it very difficult to communicate and be attentive with anybody.
I really have to prompt him to be attentive and respond appropriately with the DC.
God this sounds awful !