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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In bloody tears because of SIL.

122 replies

SchrodingersMew · 16/04/2012 20:01

I have been selling some of my unwanted baby stuff as it's cluttering the house and tonight DP has had a phone call from his sister demanding everything she has bought my DS back as "she's not paying good money for it to be sold", none of the things she has given us has been put up for sale, she didn't even ask if it was the same items and after DP told her this she still went on a rant (I could hear her on the phone from the other side of the room).
At the end of the call she had the cheek to ask when she could take my DS. Angry
I am fuming, I have had to put up with her erratic moods for years and have just ignored it, even when she was in my house about 3 days after DS was born and went into a mood because other people were holding him (her parents).

I am fed up with it and have boxed everything up that she has given us and phoned her parents house (she lives there) to say it can be picked up whenever she wants.

I don't want to feel that I owe anyone anything, I also don't want her to see DS anymore.

To make things worse I am meant to be her bridesmaid in a matter of weeks but I will be giving her the dress with the things she gave DS.

AIBU and acting over the top because I'm upset?

OP posts:
Harecare · 16/04/2012 21:53

If you're not selling her stuff then I guess you must want to keep it?
She wants you to keep it.
So she's being crazy for no reason?
There's not even any need to talk to her about the stuff, just her attitude.
Ignore her hissy fit, keep the stuff - unless you don't want it anymore and let it all blow over.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 16/04/2012 21:53

Librarian - DS is only 7 months old so I don't think she would get too far!

OP posts:
Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 16/04/2012 21:56

Harecare - We were selling similar items because DS prefers the playmat she has given us. Dp did tell her this but she wasn't for listening or believing unfortunately.

Funnily enough, the bottles we don't use but I wasn't going to sell those because they were a gift and I thought she might get upset if I did... Can't bloody win!

OP posts:
LibrarianByDay · 16/04/2012 21:56

I realise that now SchrodingersMew - I should have read all the comments before I posted mine.

Mishy1234 · 16/04/2012 21:59

Who is the poor sod she's marrying? Sounds like she would be most people's worst nightmare!

skybluepearl · 16/04/2012 21:59

if she had wanted the stuff for her future child then she could have just asked nicely.

I wouldn't return the dress but would give her the baby stuff.

ifeelloved · 16/04/2012 22:03

I think you need to stop pussy footing around her. Give her the bottles etc back but make sure you tell her that you weren't selling them but if it means that much to her shes welcome to them .

I wouldn't give back the BMW dress as you're then stooping to her level but stop trying to please her. She behaves this way because everyone allows her to. As others have suggested treat her like the spoilt brat she is. Don't engage with her and let her know that you won't stand for this kind of behaviour. Don't worry about making ascene in front if others, she's the one doing it.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 16/04/2012 22:05

Librarian - It's fine. :)
Mishy - Actually he's really quite nice although she recently accused me of hating him. Hmm I can only guess to stir things up.
Skyblue - Weirdly enough just today I was saying to DP that I was thinking of keeping my very bloody expensive pram incase she wanted it in the future instead of me selling it.

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 16/04/2012 22:06

Surely returning the bridesmaid dress now is doing her a favour, while she still has a few weeks to sort out a replacement bridesmaid and get the dress altered?

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 16/04/2012 22:07

Ifeelloved - I think that's just what I'm going to have to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 16/04/2012 22:09

Anniegetyourgun - Haha. :o I am really not looking forward to the wedding tbh, I know if something doesn't happen exactly the way she wanted I will be right in the centre of a massive shitstorm!

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 16/04/2012 22:15

On a more serious note, if she "sacks" you again maybe you should let it stick this time. That is, if it's her flouncing rather than you.

ifeelloved · 16/04/2012 22:18

Totally agree

Harecare · 16/04/2012 22:22

I wouldn't give her the playmat. You've just said DS likes it better and it means you can sell the other one. Keep hers as it's what you wanted to do and sell the other. Otherwise you're letting her crazy behaviour alter what you actually want to do.
Do you want to be her bridesmaid?

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 16/04/2012 22:28

I'm not sure if I want to do it anymore tbh. I just have a feeling something will happen and there will be arguments...

OP posts:
diddl · 17/04/2012 07:59

OP-will she be moving out of MILs when she marries so that it will be just your son & MIL when she has him?

If not I would stop letting him go there tbh or only go there with you so that you can leave if necessary.

Might be hard for MIL but your son is more important.

SuePurblyBusinesslike · 17/04/2012 08:20

Give the stuff back - bet you a pound she'll sack you as a BM for that anyway. So you can sak 'OK then' and hand the dress back when she does. Her decision - she can't whine on about it for sixty years.
I remember your other threads - I don't know how you still speak to her.

Hebiegebies · 17/04/2012 08:22

What a horrid situation to be in

Think you need to take the moral high ground though about the wedding, as others have said, don't make a screen over beng bridesmaid, go in the dress, smile till your face aches and say as little as possible.

After the wedding you can have a different relationship with her, take a break from her and start to set new ground rules.

If you make a stand now it will be your MIL who pays the highest price and it sounds as if she is having a tough time already.

As for the presents, put them in a drawer until the wedding is over and then think again

ZillionChocolate · 17/04/2012 09:32

I agree with Hebiegebies (others too, but I can't be bothered to name everyone). Get through the wedding, and then stop putting up with her shit. If you "ruin the most important day of her life", you'll never hear the last of it.

fedupofnamechanging · 17/04/2012 10:13

My mum's sil sounds very much like yours. I've watched my mum spend years trying to keep the peace and build a relationship with her and it just doesn't work. They no longer speak, because my mum is fed up of being screamed and ranted at over the phone.

So, my advice is to save yourself 40 years of dealing with this shit and put your foot down now. I would return her 'gifts' and her dress. She can only walk all over you, if you let her.

I think her attitude towards your child is worrying (she seems very possessive). I would still allow ds to go to mil's, but would ask mil not to let sil look after him alone and at the first sign of her being moody and behaving badly in front of ds, she would not be allowed anywhere near him.

For myself, I would restrict contact to polite behaviour at family gatherings, but no more than that.

mrstiredandconfused · 17/04/2012 10:15

You're a saint for putting up with this for so long, but I think you need to put your foot down. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think sometimes you can put up with shit for so lonf that you actually get used to the smell. Putting your foot down will be like opening a very large window and getting the air freshener out. But you won't get the stink out without action on your part. The difficult part is summoning the courage to open the window.

You can't carry on like this, especially now that ds is here. Your mil sounds wonderful and i'd certainly stay close to her (could you arrange days out/meals without sil so that your ds stays close to the members of dh's family that aren't nut jobs?)

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 17/04/2012 10:36

I have slept on it and I am going to say nothing today and see if she contacts me, I have contacted her house and said the gifts are here for her to collect anyway.
She will probably sack me and to be quite honest at the moment I would be happy if she did.

Diddl- They are not moving out straight away but they have been told they will have to within the year.
Karma - She is very possesive, it creeps me out sometimes 'my gorgeous wee boy!' Hmm I think depending what happens today things will definitely change after the wedding.
Mrstired- You are right, I have aclimatised myself to it and it's not on....
Sue- Any sane person would have given up by now! I don't know why I put myself through it. I feel like I have probably written a book on here about her with the amount of threads.

OP posts:
Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 17/04/2012 10:37

Thank you btw to everyone on here and helping me yet again.

OP posts:
catsmother · 17/04/2012 10:43

I pity her future husband ... am amazed anyone wants to marry her!

pumpkinsweetie · 17/04/2012 10:46

Exactly catsmother-poor bloke.
Evil comment i know but there is hope he could jilt her at the altarGrin