to feel uncomfortable about my sister drinking whilst pregnant?

[thatisall]

Actually uncomfortable is an understatement, it really upsets me.
My sister is pregnant with her 3rd child and has smoked and consumed alcohol throughout her previous two pregnancies.

I have never smoked and although I know its terrible for unborn babies, I don't feel I can pass comment on it, as I have never experienced a smoking addiction. The alcohol however is a different matter.

I know some people have the odd drink during pregnancy, but I didn't drink at all: can't she at least keep try??
I probably sound high and mighty saying that, but my sister isn't having the odd glass, she is getting 'fall over' drunk!!
She has been told that her baby is dangerously small and the local ante-natal unit have taken measures to help the pregnancy continue and yet she drinks like a fish and smokes like a chimney.
The baby was planned, so it isn't a case of her not wanting him/her.
In my opinion her two dd's do show some of the symptoms of foetal alcohol syndrome and I am so worried about this.
Our mother is flaky to say the least and would never say anything for fear of rocking the boat.
Is it my place to say something?
I feel like someone needs to protect this baby?

i know that she has drunk unit she is very drunk for the last 4 weekends and two weeks before that she drank until drunk. Inbetween those occasions, i don't know as I wasn't there.

Right folks.

I called my local ante-natal unit for advice.
They directed me to a patient website that I could recommend to my sis and her dp.

After much persuasion i gave them her name. They won't pass on the fact that I called or make any reference to knowing that she has been drinking to excess, but her midwife will be advised of my concerns so that she is especially aware when seeing my sis.

I also contacted her dp.

I kinda lied to him.
I told him that there were 5 nurses and 2 midwifes at my wedding last week (which is true) who all saw my sis in a state in the evening. I told him that somehow one of the midwives has got wind that she is pg (not entirely true) and has raised some concerns with me.

I've asked him if we can speak in private about her drinking as I've done a bit of reading around the issue today and that I really think he, or I or we should speak to her.

He says he'll call later on today when he's not with my sis.

He sounded genuinely worried. Whether that's because he hadn't realised there was such a drinking issue or whether he's worried that they will get in trouble, I don't know. he sounded very open to chatting which is good.

I'll keep you updated.

!!!!!! ok so now I'm a terrible person and how dare I stick my nose in their business, I ought to concentrate on my own family.

He has told her what i said and they're both on the defensive. She won't answer the phone and he is texting saying that she has only drunk at my hen and wedding (not that getting hammered like that is ok even for 2 occasions). I saw her drunk on my birthday and I've been told that she has been on two other occasions.

I really didn't want to argue with them, just encourage them to get help.

I'm really worried now. He's even lashing out at my parenting skills now saying that my daughter was mean to theirs last week, so I should look to my own family.

ffs

I'm sorry she's not taken it well op! I hope the babies alright in the end.

Can I just ask the people on this thread how much you drank or if you gave up during pregnancy?
I'm not judging or advocating it, I'm honestly just curious.

It isn't to ease a guilty conscience as I think in 9 months I had about 3 beers. Just btw

has she got a drink problem?

I think getting that bladdered when pregnant is usually a sign really :(

mymate did this, SS got involved, took her baby away as soon as it was born (he did have fas) and she carried on drinking and her dd got taken away. I doubt she will ever get them back now as she is NOW a chronic alcoholic

thatisall: WOW... I really feel for you!!! That would be soooo hard. I honestly don't think I would want to be around my sis if she was like that!

Yes, it's her choice, but it's your choice to witness it.. (??)

I do NOT agree.. Esp. drunk....

I hate watching pregnant mother smoke too!

Oh dear, well do nothing a for a few days, let them stew. then maybe post them that brochure saying "I am just really worried thats all. Here is the inforamtion, you are adult enough to decide on this"

you HAD to say something OP. bless

honestly. dont text. dont call. DONT be defensive. just back off

xx

Ive sent a message or two that basically says,
what kind of a sister, friend, auntie would I be if I said nothing?
Don't EVER use my dd as a tool in an argument.
I think they ought to calm down and see it from the perspective of a health professional(remember the story I told him)
That I wasn't attacking or judging her and that she was a great mum to dds 1 & 2
that I love both her and her dp very much
that although I'm upset right now and they're angry right now, I will still be here if and when they need me and I'll support them in anything they need.

She replied saying basically : yeah Im a bad person i get it. I don't appreciate you and this mw talking about me behind my back or you going to dp first, its disrespectful.
that she felt she had too much on my wedding day and already felt guilty so thanks Ive just made it worse.

Again, Ive said that given that there were so many health professionals there and she was making no secret of her pregnancy, it was inevitable that someone would say something, that we should be grateful it was to me at a later date and not them on the night. That if it really has been a rare occurrence, then maybe she should just let her mw know, just to ease her worries.

and

she's chilled out!!!

She says she's had a stressful few weeks and has turned to drink to feel better. She feels stupid and selfish and thanks me for my concern but wishes I had spoken to her and not dp.

Mumsnet......we may be getting somewhere!!!

Doesshe use any form of stress relief, relaxation breathing techniques, etc?

It sounds as though this may be helpful.

That is something that you could help her with and her MW will be able to, also.

Would her partner use massage? She could be pointed in the right direction of safe oils to use in pregnancy.

It is actually relaxing for both mum and baby, to attend any baby massage classes at local centre's.

Katespade I had a heavy night out before I found out I was pregnant and then nothing. When I was a week overdue, my midwife advised that I have a small glass of red to try and relax.....it didn't work and tasted funny to me lol.

My friend went to three weddings during pg and had 1 bucks fizz at each.

I think your sister is a digesting parent - I feel
Sick at some of the symptoms you describe your dn's having

She is stressed?! God she needs to get a fucking grip and realise what a shit parent she had been and is being. I am uttertly aghast at her selfish ways

When some 'parents' get stressed they beat and abuse their kids. Just as unacceptable.

Ahhh, thatisall. The Midwife recommended it, she seems quite down to earth. All the one's i had were a bit strange.

I had three months at uni left, and i had a few like i said but after that nothing at all. I found it easy to give up, and wasn't bothered about not drinking on nights out. I saved a fortune!

KateSpade me too! It genuinely didn't bother me at all. I was only 18 when I had dd, but got quite a taste for virgin cocktails lol

When i did go out, up until i had a bump i used to take a bottle of Pepsi Max round instead of the usual Vodka. Saved me a fortune! + people tell you everything when their drunk don't they!

lol yes!! I was like the mother of the group before I'd even given birth!! The only thing I didn't like was when I did have a bump, if I came away from the bar with a cola or orange, everyone would look at me like it must have vodka in it :-S I felt like I needed a t-shirt that said 'FYI I'm tee-total'

oh don't make me cry Everlong. I've been so worried about all this for so long, i just needed some reassurance from other women that I wasn't meddling. I don't expect perfection from myself or anyone else, but it was too much to ignore.
I'm comfortable and confident with what I've done. x