AIBU: I don't want my cleaner to bring her child to work

[wouldwelcomeadvice]

The cleaner has brought her child (age 6) into the country in the last few days and she is not yet registered at a school. She has brought her to work, in my house, today without asking me first. The child has been coughing away. I have three children and I don't need them getting ill. The child is well behaved and has just fallen asleep on the couch. AIBU. I just don't want any more bodies in my house.

I don't think you're being unreasonable!

She's paifd to do your cleaning, not look after her child. Work life and home life should be separate.

I wouldn't take my child to work with me - my boss would be most unamused.

Just tell her that it's can't happen again.

Why on earth was that deleted?

For crying out loud MNHQ, there have been vile, horrific threads on here for days that you've let stand, yet I make one slightly harsh remark (not really a personal attack, more an observation) and you delete me?

Several years ago, I advertised for a cleaner. One who came seemed to be okay but asked if she could bring her toddler. I said No because I have things that could be damaged by a toddler (I have had my own so know what it's like). You have to be careful.

Careful Shag.

Yanbu

I wouldnt want any child in my house unsupervised unless I knew so I could lock valuables away.

And before anyone leaps on me Im cautious because it has happened 3 times - one because it was 'shiny' and twice when different teenagers have stolen money (am a foster carer).

I don't see why you can't just relieve her of her services.
You have dehumanised her and her child from your OP, so I doubt it would cause you many sleepless nights.

Are you a cleaner theincredible?
If not, you not taking your child to work is not really relevant.

The cleaner was able to work without being hindered by her child.
It is not a regular arrangement but due to extraordinary circumstances. Circumstances which I doubt any of us have had experience of or could even imagine.

No, am not a cleaner.

But I do feel that work and home should be kept separate. Her bring a child to her employers home without asking is unprofessional and rude.

They're not 'extraordinary circumstances'. Is the same issue we all have when your child is ill or during school holidays and should be handled in the same way.

Everyone is being really harsh towards the OP. It's her home and she's employed someone to do a job. The cleaner should've asked. Shows good manners and respect.

It is not the same issue at all. For some reason that we know nothing of, this cleaner was very recently reunited with her very young child. How is that the same?

You dont think her child recently joining her after living apart, in a different country is extrodinary?

Really?

It does make a difference what kind of work you do. If I dressed like a banker for my job it would be totally inappropriate. If a lawyer dressed like me they would be asked to leave the court.

Different rules for different jobs. I couldnt take my child with me to work because I visit families and my job is to concentrate on someone else's child for a full hour. My child would be a distraction.

A cleaner can carry out their work with a child in the house. This cleaner did just that.

The OP objected on the ground that the child 'was another body in the house'

I agree that the cleaner should have asked but I can imagine why she didnt.

Okay, maybe the situation is 'extraordinary'. (Although it's not, I worked with several girls from the Phillipenes and Jamaica who left their children - it's common in some places, they don't see it as the emotional wrench that we would in the west, it's something 'that they do'.)

But she's still employed by someone and should still follow guidelines.

It's not just a workplace, it's the OP's home!!

She should feel comfortable and respected.

She doesn't deserve some of the replies on here, she really doesn't! I expect she feels like shit now and she really shouldn't!

:(

I have a relative from the Philippines who left her son to come here, then eventually he came over too. She absolutely did see it as an emotional wrench, but had no choice. Just because it happens doesn't make it easy.

When you are desperate enough for work and a better standard of living for your family that you are forced to leave your child in your home country you will be in a better position to judge someone that had to do that. It's not like she's bringing her DD into the headquarters of ICI everyday. A bit of empathy and compassion would be nicer.

What?!
I keep trying to type and I cant find the words!

Of course they do! Why wouldnt the? Why would someone miss their child less because of the country they are from?

These things become normal practice due to ONE factor - financial need.

I have empathy and compassion! Quite a lot of it!

I also see the OPs side of things!!

She's doesn't want the child in her house. It's her house!!

That comment is a little bit too close to the edge for me actually. Of course 'they' (FFS) experience emotion in the same way.

Brings to mind the dimwit on the Apprentice who asked "do the French love their children?" Idiot.

Ah, maybe I worded it wrong.

Just meant it was far more common and something that was more accepted and seen as necessary.

I didn't mean to upset anyone.

I was basing it on a few people I worked with - not everyone.

Sorry peeps.

Your empathy seems to be reserved for someone you understand i.e. the op.
You seem to see the cleaner as someone 'other' and therefore you find her circumstances harder to imagine.

Do you really believe that mothers from different cultures are less attached to their children?

I dont think you do really, do you?

:)

Ok.

I am glad you didnt mean it the way it sounded.

Thats why I was checking.

I think that taking an ill child into someone else's house, without asking permission first is rude. I wouldn't do it, and I would be less than impressed if it was done to me.

The OP doesn't say where the child is from, but some countries do still have high occurrences of TB and if the child was from one of those countries and had a bad cough, the thought would cross my mind.

Child aside, if you are paying someone to clean and they don't do it very well, then you are paying them for nothing. I would end the employment.

But I still think the OP has a right to have whoever she wants in her home!!

Regardless of any other contruting factors.

incredible sorry I am speechless at your comment. Really speechless. I am a historian and you remind me of C19th comments about the working class and how 'of course they don't feel things the same way we do'.

Jesus.

OP I employ a cleaner and am weird about my personal space and frankly I'd be narked if she showed up with someone else in tow. I'm not keen on other people's children and might just want to sit down with my book and not have a strange child staring at me or whatever.

But. This is clearly extraordinary, as others have said. tbh, I would -

a. talk to her about her DD, how hard it must be, when will she be in school, is she adjusting etc - THEN say 'of course it is fine she is here for now, don't worry about that, but would it be okay if you made a different arrangement in the future for school holidays'

b. point out what you want her to do differently as a cleaner.

She does sound desperate. Give her a chance.

sorry xpost. Still.....