to think shouting at pre-schoolers is not really ok?

[FuckedOfftotheFarSideofFuck]

I am not hoiking my judgey pants up - I have shouted at my pre-schoolers but I aspire to not shouting at them! Some days, patience snaps, shouting happens, this I understand.

However, someone of my acquaintance seems to make it part of discipline for his pre-schoolers. Sometimes it is just patience snapping, I assume but sometimes the shouting seems to be how he think discipline should be doled out.

Should I send him a dvd of Supernanny or should I stop watching it myself?!

Well.. Are they 3 or 4 and trying to
Stick a screwdriver in a socket???

Totally depends on what they are doing surely!

disclaimer pissed

I suppose everyone has their own idea of how to raise their kids

I think some of the most badly behaved kids have overly shouty parents though

Perhaps the kids just 'switch off' and stop listening?

Shouting never works imho.

I understand losing temper when children are being particularly unruly, but doing it as a regular basis teaches nothing.

Kayano - oh yes, I meant to say excluding dangerous situations where shouting might be required to ensure the dangerous thing stops.
Yes, see, I think shouting doesn't help anything also.
I have seen him shout when his daughter (3.5) had a poo accident (her sat on the loo having called out "I think my poo is coming in my pants" - poo accidents, according to him, have happened a half dozen times since toilet training usually when out and about and not made it to a toilet in time) and also when she ran into her brother and knocked him (1.5) to the ground - he shouted at her that she should be more careful etc. etc. while the toddler bawled in his arms...

I guess he's under lots of stress at the moment but it's horrible to see.

Meh... when DS is pissing around and attempting to throw himself under passing traffic, shouting is the only thing that snaps him out of daftness and makes him listen.

I do try and save shouting for when its needed, but doesn't always work

That's the thing

I think shouting definitely has its place when it's needed

But when it becomes a regular thing, it loses its 'shock factor' and just makes the parent look and sound awful.

I personally only ever shout at the children

Shouldn't punish for accidents anyway, so at that one.

I can understand shouting out of shock/frustration when a sibling hurts another out of carelessness, though. I do occasionally shout when DS knocks something over or breaks something, out of fear that he was almost hurt more than anything. It's not a conscious decision in order to stop him doing it again, though.

Agree with worraliberty. If you shout all the time, less chance of them listening at all. Not effective imo........and really stressful for the parent too.

Many of the little sods 'badly behaved' kids I know have shouty parents.

My Aunty used to shout at my cousins all the time. They didn't take a blind bit of notice, but I was terrified of her, because I wasn't used to so much shouting at home. When my Mum shouted, I knew she meant business lol

i never shouted at ds then one day i did and he shouted back :o

no it is not a good way but on occassion i do

the only thing that works with any one is to say something and mean it.

like if the child is grounded for a week it should be a week, if there is not computer for the rest of the day, then it should be no computers.

shouting and empty threats leads to nothing

I shouted at dd (3) for flinging the cat earlier. Normally I would agree.

but i am gulity at doing so, i shout but it falls on deaf ears.....as my DC don't listen to it

To those who shout at dangerous things - absolutely, sometimes it's necessary to get an urgent message across. And yes, I shout on occasion when it's not "necessary" 'cause I am tired/hungry/fed up.

With this guy...my brother, to give up on crypticness, he sometimes seems to shout as that's how to be cross and stern, like it's a chosen method rather than anything else.

Yes, I was at the accident, especially given that he was shouting at the older while the younger one, who had a banged head, was crying in his arms and more so due to the shouting...he does tend to panic when anyone gets hurt, though so I am glad his wife is SO calm in a crisis!

I shout at annoying children of all ages and sometimes they aren't even mine.

If they and their parents don't get huffy I know we'll get on

I learned that shouting does not really work when dd1 was small she was a devil she really was and i was always yelling like a loon at her , It took a lovely pre school teacher to calm me down and say you are wasting your breath mrs jay , Its hard sometimes and people do shout , not everybody sees that they are wasting time shouting ,

What I do is: ask nicely. Ask nicely again. Ask firmly. ask crossly. SHOUT.

If it's dangerous i.e heading for a road SHOUT

If I've been nice all day and kids are still being lunatics- SHOUT.

If the kids are making so much noise I can't be heard otherwise- SHOUT.

It's not ideal, it's not how I planned I'd be, but I wouldn't judge another parent shouting unless I had walked in their shoes for 24 hours a day. You don't know the day they've had with the kids. You don't know if the topic they're shouting about is the first time or the 500th time.

However, I also think using it as a last resort has more impact that shouting everything like a Sgt Major.

One example- if you heard me shouting at my DS for throwing a ball in the house you might judge me.
If you knew I had told him not at least every week for THREE YEARS you might not judge me.

(Yes I hide them, yes he sometimes brings them in from the garden)

I'd have said it was the parents who didn't shout who have the most badly behaved kids
You know the ones
Oh toby darling kind hands, kind hands darling, tabitha doesn't like it when you strangle her. Remember darling, we've talked about this. Could you just put the sharp knife down dear. Let's have another long talk about why it's better to use our kind words than to stab someone's eye out (ignores bleeding child and walks off with her own darling, earnestly explaining all the while)

I'd have said it was the parents who didn't shout who have the most badly behaved kids
You know the ones
Oh toby darling kind hands, kind hands darling, tabitha doesn't like it when you strangle her. Remember darling, we've talked about this. Could you just put the sharp knife down dear. Let's have another long talk about why it's better to use our kind words than to stab someone's eye out (ignores bleeding child and walks off with her own darling, earnestly explaining all the while)

I found that it came with experience. I shouted far more at my eldest than with the others. I learned that it doesn't really help and there are better, more effective ways. My oldest also got smacked more and generally had a s* time!, seriously, I did learn more effective means of discipline and behaviour management as I got older and had more children. I don't think I was a nasty/ deliberately bad parent to him, but I think he had a harder time than the others have. Give your friend a break, he's probably doing his best.

Well, I'm a shouter. And it's shit and it doesn't work.

I'm a shouter because my mum was a shouter and it's almost like its my default position. I do try very, very hard though but I can't crack it completely (the shouting, not DS).

yes debster i mellowed out by the time dd2 came along , it really is about taking a step back , I know i know im saying this in hindsight ,