Aibu to leave church because not child friendly

[Ginga66]

I go to the Birmingham oratory and was married there, ds baptized etc. Their 'family' mass is at noon but my son is not one for sitting quietly and is very active. There is no crying room, no baby change etc. There is a little courtyard where he was playing today until some attendant came out and told him to get off the gravel. I said they should provide somewhere he coukd play, he said control ur child, I said go away little man ANC he said ' the worst i can wish for u is that ur child grows up as I'll mannered as u'. At that point I was speechless. I had lots of retorts about how pathetic an example of Christianity he was bug did not want a slanging match as I am also seven months pregnant. This is not the first incident. Some one else told him off for just hiding behind a curtain. There was a sermon about sitting quietly etc etc. I am really fed up. I am catholic but it seems to je these celibate men have no idea how to accommodate families and I don't think their attitude is at all representative of jesus. I can't Stand the intolerance ANC I am tired of how old fashioned they are, I mean not even a chsnginroom. I don't know of a catholic church with a crying room in brum where he cld play so I think I will have to stop going altogether. Any thoughts?

We go to mass and have been taking dd1 (4) since she was born. She knows well how to behave there because she's used to it. We were at a christening elsewhere yesterday and she was the best behaved child there. And our family mass is standing room only. They are child friendly but, tbh it's your responsibility to teach him to behav himself when appropriate, whether that's in church or in a restaurant etc.

Catholic churches make no concessions to children

I have had cause to attend a few Catholic ceremonies, lately and have been surprised at how entertaining they were.

All child friendly, they have, as one poster, says, a 'Children's Mass' and it was fun.

One of the Priests, is gay, but not in a relationship, obviously and the other Minister is married, as you can be if you are married first and ordained? later on.

This is the fault of the individual Ministers and organisers, not the Church.

Your 'little man' comment was well out of order.

An openly gay Catholic priest? Really? What's his stance on homosexuality then?

There are many 'little men' in the church. A bit like banks. You were a bit off for saying it out loud, though.

We are lucky with ours, there is a mother and baby room, and a second area if needed.
You were rude to him but he should never have responded in such a way, very in Christian of him.
I have a four year old and trying to get her to sit still is hard but agree colouring books and books are best bet.

I was dragged taken to church from the age of about 4yrs.

It was boring beyond belief but we sat still and behaved because we had to.

It was totally disrespectful to eat in church so there were no food bribes and I don't ever remember bringing a colouring book.

Some services can be lovely for DC. My 6yo sat beautifully through the Holy Thursday mass, but I was glad I didn't take her to Good Friday mass. Very dark.

I've often wanted to say "go away little man" to people. Thankfully I've always kept it in my head.

An openly gay Catholic priest? Really? What's his stance on homosexuality then

He recognises that it is not a choice, but for him, the right choice has to be not to be in a sexual relationship, anyway. He is quite camp, which makes the ceremonies seem funnier, but he plays on this.

He has a wonderful personality and comes for a drink (as do the other Priests) in the attached social club.

I never used to like Catholocism, but, tbh, they have resorted my respect.

The best is when he hand the collection round and says, 'Now remember children, coins makes baby Jesus cry'

I have attended lots of Catholic churches, at least 4 of them on a regular basis. Mass is about an hour- shorter midweek as they cut out the hymns.
Christmas and Easter are longer so if that's the only time you go then it will seem long.
I've never been to a catholic church that didn't make children welcome, tbh. I know of the reputation in the media and I'm sure the catholic church (like any organisation) has some nasty people in it. However, all the catholic priests I've ever known have been warm, welcoming people.
The church we currently attend has a family mass every week. Children over 5 can go out for the main part of the mass. They often draw/make things that are then brought back in with them for the offertry procession.
Once a month they have a children's mass, where children from the local primary school read the prayers, sing in the choir and sometimes put on a little play.
OP, I think you have possibly just picked a bad church- but it's difficult to know if it's them or you from your post. You were unnecessarily rude to the man, and you don't seem to see it as your responsibility to make your child behave. My children are expected to sit quietly in church and have been from about 3. Younger than this. I'd hold them on my lap, and if they made too much noise I took them out. Why do you think your child should be allowed to disturb others? When do you plan to teach him not to?

I re-read the original post and it would seem to me that he was rude first.

I thought the catholic church stood for 'the family' but then the closest u ever got was watching Father Ted.

We're atheists but DS is a choirboy at the CofE nearby so I've been to church more since becoming atheist than when I was 'a Christian in name only' but I find it a very welcoming place for all ages - complete with baby changing in the accessible loo.

My suggestion would be to change sides - the vicars are dads and mums so generally get it. Or don't bother. As for the original question; YANBU, IMHO.

Well, if you want your church to revolve around the needs of your child, you need to find a different one. Most churches expect certain standards of behaviour and being child friendly isn't their prioriy, as Worra said.

Did you go there as a child, and how were you expected to behave?

And I think you were incredibly rude.

Why do you think your child should be allowed to disturb others? When do you plan to teach him not to?

Exactly. If your son is "not one for sitting quietly" perhaps it's something you need to address.

I think you're a bit unreasonable to expect a play area to be provided in a church. I remember having to go to church as a child, and yes it was boring when we were little, but still we were expected to sit quietly (and on the occasions we didn't/couldn't, we were taken outside or into the porch).

Honestly I don't think 'sitting quietly' comes naturally to any small child (or very few), but it is something they can learn to to with practice, I would work on that if I were you.

It's no bad thing for them to learn different behaviours are appropriate to different situations - e.g. in parks or playgrounds you can run around and scream and play to your heart's content, but in church or in the library you keep your voice down, in a restaurant or at the dinner table you sit in your chair and don't run about, in school you listen to the teacher and don't talk when you're not supposed to etc. You might think that stifles your little darling's creativity, but really it's a case of teaching them social skills and self-control, which is part of a parent's job.

Some people actually go to church for religious/spiritual reasons, they are there to praise their god/contemplate or whatever it is they do. If they wanted to admire other peoples highly active little darlings they would go sit on a bench in a playground or work in a creche.

Find a church that is full of people like yourself, you can all sit there admiring your children while thinking that everybody else is admiring them too. Or find a playgroup.

My nieces and nephews were all able to sit through mass quietly certainly by 4. I'm not saying they enjoyed it, but they did sit there quietly until the end.

In terms of baby changing, years ago I worked running children's activities at a number of churches of different demoninations. Lots of them didn't have toilets open to the general congregation because the only toilet was accessed through the main vestry or another office. They were all in old buildings and making physical changes was often difficult and expensive.

I do think expecting an old church that has been running for 100's of years to automatically have a baby changing dedicated area is unreasonable. In a new build church these kind of things are much more achievable.

Oh lord. My C of E church is very child friendly, and even then it's really hard to take toddlers under 3 and expect to stay in the service, because they just can't sit still for an hour. I've given up going when DH can't come with us, because I spend most of my time out of the service, making going completely pointless.

But there MUST be a friendlier Catholic church somewhere in Brum. Try one that has a primary school associated with it.

WTAF is a crying room? it sounds medieval.
My DH and DD are RC. I am atheist. In his absence I've been taking her to church. What a bore. I am not surprised that your DC squirms.
OTOH, you were breathtakingly rude to call that individual the names you did.

A crying room is a room with toys, where children can be taken during a service if they start to cry.

The man had a shit attitude, and you were totally out of order in your response.

I have never yet been to a Catholic church that was anything other than child friendly. As a deeply lapsed agnostic I don't go much, admittedly, but when I went last week it was incredibly noisy. My own fault for being late so I had to sit at the back near the open area where a lot of the young kids were! The toddlers were all testifying loudly, and the bloke taking the collection fell over a small child at one point. It was nice actually, but perhaps not if one had gone there for quiet spiritual reflection rather than to feel part of the community. Anyway, I've also only really been to churches on council estates, so maybe the solution for OP is to go to a less posh one.

Doninkillerheals - you made me smile. I too only like to go to church with my DH. Also, when it is normal church service there is a sunday school that all 3+ children can attend. Family service has no sunday school because the point is that the children stay in the church ... most of the families I know that attend our church have renamed Family Service to Crowd Control Service!!

Unless your child has SN it may be about time he did become "one for sitting quietly" upon appropriate occasions. You were very rude, this is a church, not a playground and it's been the norm for people of all ages to sit quietly during mass for a lot longer than you or your son have been on this planet. And parents have managed without changing rooms in churches for centuries too. What else do you expect?

And WTF is a "crying room"? Dear God, please don't tell me that there are now rooms in churches especially for people who can't or won't control their children!

Pingu are you actually psychic? Yes, it was Family Crowd Control Service today, hence my heartfelt post

How can you go to mass and speak to somebody like that love thy neighbour and all that.