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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A toddler was left on a tow path while mum marched other two to school as he was having a tantrum

109 replies

daffodilly2 · 14/04/2012 18:46

Taking my daughter to school, a while ago now, but ingrained in my memory was a very well spoken, well dressed mother with three DSs. The youngest, still in nappies was creating because he did not want to walk ( he wanted a "carry") - she was irate and left him on the path, a stream nearby while she marched the older boys into school, one of them looking back decidedly worried ( it seemed to me ) for little bro.
I waited with the boy until she returned with a huge grin like I've taught him a lesson haven't I. I was speechless just gave her a glare and hurried off with my DD.

Am I being unreasonable or isn't this a kind of abuse and dangerous behaviour. I still quiver at the thought and wonder what other seeming respectable mothers do to their offspring.

OP posts:
Debeez · 14/04/2012 18:51

The mother was probably having that moment that all parents have once or twice, the "I cannot cope anymore" moment. You did a good thing waiting with the child and you should be proud, more caring people like you in the world please! The mother probably calmed down and felt awful about it.

SilveryMoon · 14/04/2012 18:53

Could have been nasty if the boy had found his way into the stream.
I have on occasion 'walked off' and 'left' my toddler having a tantrum, but I don't go far before I pretend to hunto for something in my bag or check my phone.
I HATE doing this so it is a last resort, I don't want my child to think I would actually leave him, but have never been able to decide how I want to handle tantrums (probably why we have so many of them), but no, I would not leave my child by water.

SkinnyVanillaLatte · 14/04/2012 18:53

Doing that is absolutely unacceptable in any circumstances.

LaurieFairyCake · 14/04/2012 18:55

Was she ever out of sight?

There is nothing more frustrating than a toddler.

You did a nice thing.

SkinnyVanillaLatte · 14/04/2012 18:55

(leaving a small child by water I mean,not ignoring the childs tantrum)

Wellthen · 14/04/2012 18:57

Ill-advised. Not abuse. Possibly dangerous but I dont think intentionally. Children can be unpredictable and certainly toddlers dont have anything like the logic of adults. But I cant imagine many toddlers would think 'My mums gone, Ill run into that stream' Surely he would go in the direction his mother went?

I agree with the first poster that you did a good thing to stay with him, you were right to be slightly concerned. But calling it abuse is an overreaction.

DesperatelySeekingBunnies · 14/04/2012 19:08

I've "walked off" a few times on DD having a tantrum. Works like a charm have to say. Would never do it if I thought it would be dangerous, like by water or a duel carriageway.

Original poster
daffodilly2 · 14/04/2012 19:14

The mother left her son and went away for 8 minutes, way out of sight into a school and gone. I'm amazed you think I am over reacting.

How was the world for that toddler for 8 mins without his mum. What happens if no adult stays to take care? Walking into another room in a safe child protected home gives everyone space to calm down.,leaving a child alone in open space, I'm pretty sure is against the rules.

What worries me is I thought some mums would minimise this and I think many mums, sadly, do not realise their responsibilities.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 14/04/2012 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Debeez · 14/04/2012 19:16

You didn't specify distance or time in your original post so I think the posters like myself who may be seen to be minimizing the situation have given the mother the benefit of the doubt.

sleepybump · 14/04/2012 19:21

Could it be that she wenr just out of sitw(but could still see/hear him) and watched the other two from a double-vantage point?

Original poster
daffodilly2 · 14/04/2012 19:21

I really do not feel smug. I had a Ds with special needs which meant his behaviour was very challenging and I was not always up for it. However, I wouldn't put a child's safety at risk to teach them a lesson and am not sure such a tantrum needs a lesson away from home.

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 14/04/2012 19:23

yeh drip feeding doesn't help - you didn't say '8 mins' in your OP

still makes for more drama and the opportunity to get huffy so enjoy Grin

Original poster
daffodilly2 · 14/04/2012 19:29

I didn't mean to mislead. The issue I thought that was important to discuss was when is discipline cruel? I think this mum, probably very competent on another day made a big mistake and I do apologise if I seem huffy Smile - not meaning to, I just think it is important to notice when things go wrong for children.

I said nothing and feel actually I should have talked to that mum. What bothers is me is how often are children left in these types of situations.

OP posts:
mynewpassion · 14/04/2012 19:31

If you weren't there maybe the child would've ran to his mother sooner.

Purpleprickles · 14/04/2012 19:40

Have you seen children being left in these situations often? Or are you assuming they are by those crap parents out there?
Is the point of this thread just to gather agreement that the parent was crap and that yes there are lots of crap parents but of course not you or anyone you would associate with? So yeah YABU

AThingInYourLife · 14/04/2012 19:41

Leaving a toddler unattended in a public place is dreadful parenting. Doing it beside water is negligent.

I don't give a fuck how annoying a toddler is being, you don't put them in danger just because you're pissed off.

gordyslovesheep · 14/04/2012 19:41

how often ARE children left in these types of situation?

SilveryMoon · 14/04/2012 19:43

There have been times when ds2 has thrown a big strop in the middle of the street, and I have walked away and turned the corner. I have, however been able to see ds2 through a garden hedge.

8 minutes is a long time, a very very long time.
But regardless of time, I don't think that a child that young should be left out of view of his parents for a second.

hathorinareddress69 · 14/04/2012 19:44

A while ago.

Hmm
BasilFoulEggs · 14/04/2012 19:49

I don't think you are being un reasonable this is a kind of abuse. most people have done the pretending to abandon toddler bit, but unless you're an idiot, not by a river, a dual carriageway, a precipice or any other place where the toddler might actually be in danger.

Original poster
daffodilly2 · 14/04/2012 19:50

Dear purple prickles,
the mum in question seemed entirely competent, well dressed, well behaved children - point is, mums like me do possibly punish their children without realisng the consequences. I told the story because it shocked me. I'm not the perfect parent and have had stress so understand but am still shocked about the decision to discipline in this way. It makes me fell a bit Sad

OP posts:
difficultpickle · 14/04/2012 19:52

I think you did the right thing. I would have done the same but also said something to the mother when she returned. Absolutely unacceptable behaviour and I speak as a mother of a child who had such spectacular tantrums that others would stop and stare open-mouthed in horror.

redglow · 14/04/2012 19:54

I would have said something when she came back. You did the right thing. We have all felt like it but wouldn't do it.

Whatmeworry · 14/04/2012 19:56

You did a good thing, but let those without sin cast the first stones....