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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A toddler was left on a tow path while mum marched other two to school as he was having a tantrum

109 replies

daffodilly2 · 14/04/2012 18:46

Taking my daughter to school, a while ago now, but ingrained in my memory was a very well spoken, well dressed mother with three DSs. The youngest, still in nappies was creating because he did not want to walk ( he wanted a "carry") - she was irate and left him on the path, a stream nearby while she marched the older boys into school, one of them looking back decidedly worried ( it seemed to me ) for little bro.
I waited with the boy until she returned with a huge grin like I've taught him a lesson haven't I. I was speechless just gave her a glare and hurried off with my DD.

Am I being unreasonable or isn't this a kind of abuse and dangerous behaviour. I still quiver at the thought and wonder what other seeming respectable mothers do to their offspring.

OP posts:
SeaHouses · 14/04/2012 22:26

I clicked on this thread very alarmed as canals are so dangerous. Then found out that there is no canal or towpath in this situation.

I can't 'judge' this situation without knowing:

How many other people were around.
How far is it from the stream to the path.

How easy is it to get from the path to the stream.
How deep and fast is the stream.

Whatmeworry · 14/04/2012 22:27

I doubt its very dangerous from the description, and i refuse to blame a mother of a toddler for losing it, they try the patience of saints.

The Op did the right thing, but I'd cut the mother slack.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 14/04/2012 22:30

Was it a tow path or was there a stream nearby?

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 14/04/2012 22:31

Seahouses - cross post :)

SeaHouses · 14/04/2012 22:34

No, sadly, I do not live in SeaHouses. I have just had some lovely holidays there, and also my parents went on their first date there.

unadulterateddad · 15/04/2012 00:03

Shhe was absolutely outrageous Shock,I would never have left my DS out of sight for a minute if he was throwing a wobbler - ignore yes, leave no.

Not to forget, it is a criminal offence to leave a child alone when doing so puts him or her at risk, regardless of the length of time.

peanutpie · 15/04/2012 00:11

You are obviously concerned about this. It doesn't really matter what any of us think but what would you do if it happened again?

SeaHouses · 15/04/2012 00:18

The OP hasn't given us reason to believe the child was particularly at risk.

unadulterateddad · 15/04/2012 00:31

of course an unattended toddler left out of sight was at risk. Imagine if you'd turned up a couple of minutes after the mother had gone and saw a toddler left crying at the side of the path, obviously you'd walk off because he'd be perfectly safe...Hmm

Me, I'd probably have called the police if it had been that long with a child left alone.

winnybella · 15/04/2012 00:37

Grrr, I hate when people get judgy about other people being judgy...

Let's be honest, leaving a toddler alone, unsupervised, by any body of water, is shitty parenting. Leaving him for 8 minutes because he angered us (as opposed to, say, turning away for a few seconds and a child falling into a paddling pool or whatever) is just fucking awful.

We all have our moments when we might not be particularly nice to our small children, but this was an incredibly stupid and neglectful thing to do.

justwaitaminute · 15/04/2012 00:46

Lets face it, everyones dc's try their patience, we all reach the end of our tether from time to time, but to leave a child for 8 minutes is unforgivable.

The psychological damage to that child could be vast and also to their siblings, who had to have a day a school thinking that their brother had just been abandoned, not knowing if he was ok

Thank god you were there

SeaHouses · 15/04/2012 00:53

The child wasn't left unattended by a body of water though. They were left in a public place with other people around. The OP did not find a child crying and have no idea where the parent was. It isn't ideal parenting, but it isn't the same level of risk as leaving a child with nobody else around. I would be more concerned with the distress caused to the older children at seeing the younger one left behind.

winnybella · 15/04/2012 01:03

Oh, I thought he was left by a stream?

It's crappy parenting nonetheless.

And the woman didn't leave the child with someone to look after him, she left him in a public place, that's not the same thing.

Birdsgottafly · 15/04/2012 01:04

but it isn't the same level of risk as leaving a child with nobody else around

Whose to say that the OP was safe to be around, 'other people' could have been a more a danger to the child, than the water.

These threads always remind me of DV, in the way that reasons are sought, rather than behaviour condemed (not the mother, just the behaviour) and it's almost that posters are scared of saying that other mother's can behave in a way to their children that is dangerous.

Whilst i do think that the OP should have spoken out, there and then, she is right to say that if the circumstances were as she described then it wasn't the right thing to do, on the mothers part.

winnybella · 15/04/2012 01:06

I mean, I wouldn't leave my toddler by a side of a river trusting that some member of public will rescue him should he decide to wade into water.

SeaHouses · 15/04/2012 01:12

I don't think anybody is defending the mother or saying that we should go around leaving toddlers behind.

But there is no point speculating on what would have happened in a situation where a child was left entirely on their own because that isn't what happened.

I have been in a vaguely situation where a woman left a toddler in a playground. The playground had equipment in it that was dangerous to an unsupervised toddler to be around - a ramp leading up to a rope bridge. There was only me and one other adult in the playground and the mother (who neither of us knew or had ever spoken to) didn't come back for 20 mins. It was very uncomfortable for me and the other mother as we felt we couldn't leave and were responsible for the toddler. But there is no point speculating on what would have happened if we hadn't been there, because we were there, and I have no reason to believe the mother would have left the child if we weren't. The same applies to the OP's situation.

winnybella · 15/04/2012 01:13

Yy, I don't understand the willingness of posters to justify the mother's behaviour and telling the OP off for her judginess.

I would have been tempted to call police as well, tbh. One thing a parent pretending to walk ahead and staying withing a reasonable distance and watching the child, another leaving the child alone for close to 10 minutes.

SeaHouses · 15/04/2012 01:14

And I don't know why people keep exaggerating the situation. There were other people around. It wasn't a towpath. It was a stream not a river. We don't know how accessible the stream was. The child could have been just as likely to fall face down and drown in a puddle on the path.

winnybella · 15/04/2012 01:16

No, it doesn't, SeaHouses. The mother didn't leave the child with anyone. She left it alone. The fact that there were some people passing is not the same as 'leaving the child in someone's care'.

Leaving a toddler in a play park assuming that other parents will watch him is pretty fucking irresponsible as well.

SeaHouses · 15/04/2012 01:17

I didn't say that the child was left in somebody's care. I said they were not left alone. Why are you putting quotation marks around the care remark? Who said it?

Moominsarescary · 15/04/2012 01:18

Yabu yes toddlers can try your patience but you never just leave them for 8 minutes even without a stream close by

Birdsgottafly · 15/04/2012 01:18

The child could have been just as likely to fall face down and drown in a puddle on the path

Exactly why you don't leave an upset child on their own.

Moominsarescary · 15/04/2012 01:18

Yanbu obviously, stupid phone

winnybella · 15/04/2012 01:19

Oh, fgs. Stream or river, whatever. Both can be equally dangerous. But that's not even the point.

Leaving your toddler in the street/department store/anywhere alone is just wrong. Surely you've got to see that?

Ok, so nothing happened. Great. Still, the mother behaved in a neglectful way.

winnybella · 15/04/2012 01:21

It doesn't make any difference that she left the child in a public place. It's very stupid to assume that some stranger will watch out for/rescue your child.