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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A toddler was left on a tow path while mum marched other two to school as he was having a tantrum

109 replies

daffodilly2 · 14/04/2012 18:46

Taking my daughter to school, a while ago now, but ingrained in my memory was a very well spoken, well dressed mother with three DSs. The youngest, still in nappies was creating because he did not want to walk ( he wanted a "carry") - she was irate and left him on the path, a stream nearby while she marched the older boys into school, one of them looking back decidedly worried ( it seemed to me ) for little bro.
I waited with the boy until she returned with a huge grin like I've taught him a lesson haven't I. I was speechless just gave her a glare and hurried off with my DD.

Am I being unreasonable or isn't this a kind of abuse and dangerous behaviour. I still quiver at the thought and wonder what other seeming respectable mothers do to their offspring.

OP posts:

AThingInYourLife · 15/04/2012 09:40

Even on the Internet it is surprising to find someone who thinks abandoning a toddler in a public place is OK because there are other people around :o

Please tell me you don't have care of any children.

pumpkinsweetie · 15/04/2012 09:56

My lord the women sounds deranged , you done a good thing watching him op, anything could have happened in this day & age and there was a stream near by.
I have 4 dcs and i have never done this once when they were toddlers or with my toddler of present.
Its totally shocking behaviour of a mum isnt it!!!
Leaving him two or so meters & watching him from behind is one thing (weve all done) but to completely walk off i cannot believe what im reading-if she really couldnt cope then why didnt she have him in a pushchair or simply carry him.
Tbh i would have been on to the ss

Longdistance · 15/04/2012 10:14

Bloody hell! 8 minutes. My dd1 is 2 and half and she tantrums every day, and some are HUGE. But I would never leave her on her own by a stream 4 8 mins. The woman was nuts. When my dd has a melt down which is on a daily basis, and in public I do walk off, but not far, 2 watch her. She soon gets up and walks. My dd is going through the 'I'm not sitting in the buggy or walking stage, carry me mummy'. It's bloody tiring with a 9mo 2 look after 2. But, I would not leave her by a canal or 4 8 mins. I'd have scooped her up, and slung her over my shoulders 4 a hasty exit!

totallyskint · 15/04/2012 12:17

My little sister and I took our baby brother for a walk in his pram then we argued as neither of us wanted to push anymore so we just left him on the street corner and went home.

After a while Mum found us and asked where he was and we explained. Presumably someone was despatched to collect him but I have no recollection of that part of it.

Oh those were the days!

difficultpickle · 15/04/2012 13:43

If a toddler is not left in someone else's care then that means they are left alone. Saying that the toddler was not alone because there are others around is rubbish. The toddler wouldn't know that they had not been left on their own.

Can't believe posters who think that this mother's behaviour was acceptable. I assume that those who do must also be prone to making some very suspect parenting decisions that the majority would view with

pumpkinsweetie · 15/04/2012 13:48

I agree bisjo very suspect indeed, no matter how bad a tantrum gets i would hope people would not leave their own children ALONE in the street!

rhondajean · 15/04/2012 13:49

I would never have gone as far and as long but I did the walking away thing with both mines. I know my own children and they would have followed once they realised I meant business and wasn't stopping. If someone else had come ofpver and coddled them I would have been thoroughly peed off and it would have been me telling them to mind their own.

Please note - not as far or as long though occasionally out of sight (eg round a corner where I could keep an eye on them without them knowing ) and I know my own children and that they would come.

Purpleprickles · 15/04/2012 14:43

Bisjo which of us who haven't posted screeching this is abuse have actually said that the mother's behaviour was acceptable? I posted yesterday so have just re-read the whole thread to see who said this and I can't find anyone but you feel free to "assume" away about mine and other posters styles of parenting.

IAmBooyhoo · 15/04/2012 14:50

if i had been in your shoes ad witnessed this OP i would have taken the child by the hand and followed the mother. then i would have given her a piece of my mind on how lucky she was that i didn't call the police on her. she left a toddler alone beside a stream for 8 minutes. that is negligent behaviour. i dont care how much she thinks he would have stayed rooted to the spot, she couldn't have known that he wouldn't panic and dart off somewhere else or go to investigate the water, trip and fall in.

SeaHouses · 15/04/2012 14:51

I'm going to assume that some of you are still responding to my posts as I was the poster who said that the child was not alone. I never said that the mother's behaviour was acceptable.

I do not know why people feel that they have to keep making this situation out to be factually different to what it was. Posters have said:

The child was on a towpath. Clearly they weren't.
An adult could have come along and found the child alone with no idea why. This never happened. The OP did not come along; she saw the whole thing.
There was a river. There wasn't a river there. It was a stream.
The child could have waded into a stream. We don't know the stream was accessible and we don't know that it was deep enough to wade into.

All of these things do make a difference to how 'bad' a situation was. Even as adults, we make decisions about how safe it is to do things depending on the presence of strangers. I make different assessments about walking down a crowded street at night than walking down an empty one. It doesn't make the woman's behaviour acceptable but it does make a difference to how much danger the child was actually in. Presumably people who can't make this distinction would let a stranger's child walk into further danger, but that is not the behaviour of most people I know.

IAmBooyhoo · 15/04/2012 14:51

and i have dealt with tantrumming toddlers many times. never have i felt that their interests would be best served by leaving them beside a stream.

redglow · 15/04/2012 16:12

My god this child was still in nappies so probably under three. Eight minutes is alone is disgusting anything could have happened.

pigletmania · 15/04/2012 17:06

If the mum did really eave her toddler all alone for 8 mins whilst she took her children to school than I am appealed. In that time anything could have happened, fallen in water, kidnapped etc no excuse. I have a dd with sn and have had my wn fair share of tantrums, I have walked off a little distance when she as had a tantrum, always look behind me. I have hidden round corners but never would leave her like thAt, totally irresponsible

pigletmania · 15/04/2012 17:08

Children can drown in even a little water

pigletmania · 15/04/2012 17:11

As a responsible adult, if I saw a young child alone I would stay with them and call the police, I could not live with myself I did nothing and something appended to that child. The op did right, well done!

pigletmania · 15/04/2012 17:31

wellthen I totally disagree. Leaving a small chid on their own for 8 min can affect their well being, especially if it's done often can have long lasti g psychological affects. You would not leave a s,all child alone in a house, why is it acceptable outside

pigletmania · 15/04/2012 17:32

A smack IMO is not as bad as that

redglow · 15/04/2012 18:47

I agree piglet I don't agree with smacking but no where near as bad as that.

Purpleprickles · 15/04/2012 19:00

Can you define what you both mean by smacking? I assume you mean light tap?

redglow · 15/04/2012 19:05

Well a light tap is the same as a smack to me.

Purpleprickles · 15/04/2012 19:07

Thanks. Same to me, obviously it would depend on the force of the smack for a comparison to which was worse.

BoffinMum · 15/04/2012 19:09

I am a somewhat laissez faire parent, but I think she was bloody bonkers. The appropriate procedure is to stay within a safe distance (up to about 10m depending on the environment and possible dangers, probably nearer on a towpath), but completely ignoring the child in a very bored way until they get worn out with making a fuss.

pigletmania · 15/04/2012 19:46

Well I know that if I left dd 5 on her own (nobody present) it would traumatise her much more than me smacking her bottom which I have done. Don't do now as t just does not work

pigletmania · 15/04/2012 19:48

Also people are not mind readers, they dont know your round the corner, they see a young child on their own and do what any decent adult would do, try and help that child

joanna2012 · 15/04/2012 19:56

i would have picked him up and taken him home and called the police to say he had been abandoned by the stream/canal

let her sort it out with them

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