Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weddings again - aibu?

103 replies

tallblonde · 12/04/2012 22:26

DH is from Oz. His brother is getting married in October, so we've spent almost 4k on flights for me, DH and 2DS, who are 3yrs and 18mth, to go over. The flight will be torture, but I was happy to go through the pain (!) for a big family event. However, BIL has now announced that children are not invited so we have to find a babysitter, bearing in mind that all family members will be attending the wedding and our DSs don't know anyone else in Oz.

I understand that people don't want kids at weddings BUT I think it's well out of order to expect us to travel half way around the world and spend thousands that we can ill afford when our LOs - their nephews that they are yet to meet - aren't even invited, and to expect us to be happy to leave them with a stranger - if we can find a sitter at all. I'm furious about this and find it incredibly rude that DH's brother is showing such contempt for his brother's kids, but DH doesn't want to rock the boat. AIBU?

OP posts:
OnlyWantsOneTwoAndThree · 12/04/2012 22:27

I'm all for the THEIR wedding THEIR rules. But you're going 1/2 way round the world and I doubt BIL sees much of your kids. YANBU.

echt · 12/04/2012 22:28

Usually I'd say their wedding, their rules, but this is out of order.

So you booked before BIL announced the ruling?

DinahMoHum · 12/04/2012 22:29

yanbu

you should tell them they should have told you in advance before you booked tickets because you wouldnt be able to go

MerryMarigold · 12/04/2012 22:30

No YABU at all. What a cheek!!!! Tell him you're bringing them and that's that. Probably being thoughtless again, there is a lot to think of, and childless people don't think through all the ramifications. Explain about all family at wedding, and they don't know anyone and you're not happy to leave them with someone they don't know.

iloveACK · 12/04/2012 22:31

YANBU - shocking really given the distance you're travelling! Normally the no children rule excludes close family so I do think this is surprising.

Could your PIL have a quiet word with the groom?

Kayano · 12/04/2012 22:32

Tell him to fuck off and have a fab holiday.

Bloody idiot

MyFamilyAndOtherAnimals · 12/04/2012 22:32

Nope. YANBU and I'm normally fine with people having child-free weddings.

Dunno what I'd do in your situation. .... Actually, I do. Seeing as you've already bought the plane tickets, I'd view it as a holiday. And I'd look after the kids while DH goes to the wedding because (a) it solves the sitter problem and (b) I would struggle to smile, be nice and enjoy the event if I went.

ImperialBlether · 12/04/2012 22:32

Just say, "Don't be stupid! What the hell are we going to do with the children?" If he argues back, cancel the flights and tell him to sod off.

LydiaWickham · 12/04/2012 22:32

Can you cancel your flights? Sod them, if you are flying half way round the world to go to their big day, they should be so grateful and making things as easy as possible for you. If they can't do that, they aren't all that interested in you.

AgentZigzag · 12/04/2012 22:32

They knew you had children, they can't just turn round and say they're not welcome after you've booked the tickets!

They owe you four grand Grin (half serious)

madmouse · 12/04/2012 22:33

YAdefNBU

How thoughtless Shock

cheesesarnie · 12/04/2012 22:33

what everyone else said.

wineandroses · 12/04/2012 22:33

Yanbu. My DD is a few years older than your DC and I wouldn't dream of leaving her with a stranger/some random babysitter in a strange country. Can you cancel your flights and get your money back? I would tell BIL that he should have told you this before you booked the flights, and if you can't get a refund, he needs to make space for them. Actually, your DH needs to have that conversation; would he prefer to dump his kids with strangers rather than have a conversation with his brother? How ridiculous - "doesn't want to rock the boat" indeed!

victorialucas · 12/04/2012 22:34

just turn up with them they are hardly going to turn you away are they?

Eglu · 12/04/2012 22:35

YANBU at all. I would be furious.

Kayano · 12/04/2012 22:36

What has your DH said?

He should back you in this situation. Absolute
Snub to his nephews who he doesn't seem bothered about meeting!

AgentZigzag · 12/04/2012 22:37

Is your DH just a big wuss OP? Grin

His family is in Australia, that's bloody miles away, they're hardly going to turn up on the doorstep shouting the odds Grin

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 12/04/2012 22:42

^ What they all said ^

YANBU

ENormaSnob · 12/04/2012 22:42

Yadnbu

YeahThatsTheBadger · 12/04/2012 22:45

YANBU.

My brother is getting married in Ireland in August. Half of our family and the brides' family are in England and the other halves of the families are in Ireland.
He is generally sending out invitations to adults but is considering those with children on an individual basis - how far they are travelling, if they have anyone who could babysit etc. He is inviting children where he thinks there may be difficulties with babysitting/children too young to be left.

I think you should ask your BIL, as some people are just completely unaware of what is involved when you have kids. And if he still says no then I think I would either cancel flights (if you can it involved no further cost) and let DH go on his own or still go but let DH go on his own to the wedding and have a fantastic holiday of it.

letseatgrandma · 12/04/2012 22:45

Bloody hell-what a horrible pair! Do they know you have already booked your flights? When is the wedding; can you cancel?

DuelingFanjo · 12/04/2012 22:47

DH doesn't want to rock the boat? so he should be the one to stay in teh hotel with the kids while you stay at the wedding.

or is your DH happy to leave them with a stranger?

giggly · 12/04/2012 22:51

I'd thump your dh for not wanting to rock the boat. Your his family now not his db. I'm with the others of not going to the wedding, go to Oz have a great holiday and send them a nice photo of your dc as a wedding present(on the beach somewhere else in Oz)

Winkly · 12/04/2012 22:55

YANBU. Outrageous.

When I had a largely child free wedding in England, I told my Irish relatives with children long before they booked flights, so they could decide if they wanted to come or not. (Children were considered on an individual basis and it was a pretty small wedding.)

I don't think that YeahThatsTheBadger is completely right that some people are completely unaware of what is involved when you have kids. Not anyone with a quarter of a brain, anyway. It doesn't take Parent Of The Year to figure out that you won't want to ditch your very small, probably jet lagged children, when you're on the other side of the world, or that even if you wanted to leave them for a day, it would be well nigh impossible to get off the plane and find a trustworthy babysitter. In short, I think he's being a prick.

whattodoo · 12/04/2012 22:57

Wineandroses has got it right - would you DH really prepared to leave the children with a stranger rather than have a conversation with his brother?

Personally, the only options for me would be to cancel or stay with the children myself while DH goes to the wedding. Perhaps your DH could outline the consequences of the no child rule to his brother n maybe they just haven't thought it through.

Regardless, i certainly wouldn't be leaving the children with people they don't know in unfamiliar surroundings

Barking

Swipe left for the next trending thread