To wonder why some women feel the need to portray themselves as perfect?

[Itsjustannoying]

After having my dc and being thrust into the world of domestic, erm, bliss at 26 I found it really difficult to keep the house clean, do the washing for everyone, tidy up after everyone, cook dinner, look after the baby, make myself look presentable and all the while cooking muffins. My life previous to having dc included working, going to the pub to see my friends, nightclubs every other weekend and I didn't have to do much to make myself look good so I found it a massive struggle to deal with all of the above 'duties' (which I thought were all my responsibility, not anymore).

I went to the baby groups and every woman I met seemed to have a perfectly kept house, immaculate hair and cooked an Annabel Karmel meal for their children every night so it put me off. I met one mum through a dh's work colleague who professed to me that she never let her husband see one of her dc's toys on the floor and everything was always perfect by the time he got home, she was also very 'stepford wives'.

I felt really inadequate for whole of my dc's infancy and only questioned whether what these women told me was true when my dh went to his work colleague's house and told me it was an utter tip with clothes and dirty plates and toys everywhere (apparently it's like this most of the time according to colleague). I have no problem with the mess at all I just don't understand the need to make people think you are perfect?

You know, because they bang on and on aout how fabulous they are, how perfect their DC are, how they'd handle things differently (read: better) than whoever they're talking to, how wonderful their life is, how a-may-zing their DH is and how much he earns, the furniture they have, the size of their house, the holidays they go on, yada, yada.... bored!!

Easy to tell the difference. MN brings it out in people because of course it's anonymous and people can say whatever they want. In fact, I've really only encountered it on here, not in real life.

Seriously, OP, I wouldn't worry about it. Really, who cares? If people really think that being tidy all the time is important, I'd find some friends with a bit more about them. Also, can't help but feel it's better to spend the time on MN focussing on your children than your housework...

I've seen lots of this too. I've found though, that most of these women have only one, or mayyybe two children. I have never ever met a mother of 3+ who went on like that. They're just as stained and dishevelled as me!

I'm not perfect but I admit I try to be, and I try to make people think I am. It's not because I want them to feel bad about themselves or to look good, it's because I'm afraid of the shame involved when I say something like 'god, toddlers eh! Haven't seen my living room carpet all day!' for THEM to reply 'Well I have a toddler and I still manage to keep my home clean... ' but I have confidence issues for the same reason as you, thrust from a life of being a sociable, thin, naturally attractive young thing to being an overweight, overwhelmed, confided and anxious mumsy-mum with no friends, or at least none who wanted to invite me out or see me anymore.

I like a tidy home but usually fail miserably I feel so much better when everything is in it's place but alas this does not sit well with the fact I seem to be naturally untidy and have one year old twins.

To be honest though I use their nap times to keep sane mumsnet and have something to eat so I could probably do more or do something radical like brush my hair

I did know one of these in real life. She liked to slip into conversation as much as possible how much her husband earned, her hair was always immaculately styled, her daughter was always clean and dressed in amazing clothes. Being around her was really difficult, she was so wound up all the time. I did have one nice chat with her once (I didn't know her very well) but as soon as we were back in a group it was back to bragging and subtle digs. It was a shame because she really alienated everyone.

i don't know why they do it, but it pisses me off something chronic as dh seems to think everyone lives in a show home except for us, who apparently live in kim&aggie squalor - we don't, it's just bog standard, garden variety mess created by 2 children and an exhausted sahm who can't keep up with the sheer volume of it.

My mum was a 'perfect' one. Five kids, many dogs and cats... It was more 'of the time' I think(she was a child during WW2).

She wouldn't dream of slopping about the house in leisure clothes - she always wore a dress or skirt-suit (complete with brooch and necklaces) and her hair and nails were always perfect. she didn't go around rubbing people's noses in it though, it was just how she was and she didn't appear to 'work' at it.

The laundry was always done and she was a great cook. Nothing was ever out of place. Yes, so she probably did have OCD issues! None of us seemed to have inherited her tidiness though! We didn't have 'help' but we did have a cleaner three times a week.

Cailin- it is a mixture of both - I know I have issues, but whatever my children achieve hers can do backwards. All because of how she parents

Ugh it's painful being around someone like that slovenly.

Everyone has different criteria for perfection - you are clearly hanging out with the wrong crowd OP.

It is painful - and I am having a particularly bad time at moment so not best time, but my two have commented that they have not seen their friends for ages

Who the bleedin' eck is Annabel Karmel?

Mothers who keep their homes perfect are usually, IME, denying their DCs all sorts of critical motor-skills development opportunities involving jumping off sofas and tables, sticking and drawing, spending hours in a cold bath pouring water in and out of cups and over the floor, dismantling the bookcase and the kitchen cupboards...

IMO it's important to keep a house relatively clean, especially the kitchen. But mess isn't going to do anyone any harm. If it bothers you to see mess, go ahead and tidy it up, but if you only do it because others expect you to do it then you have to think about why you worry so much about what others think. I don't see the point in clearing up children's toys during the day - they're there to be played with and tidying them away is a bit mean really.

flhd34 - Annabel Karmel is the person who makes childrens food for Butlins

Everlong, nobody's talking about your situation. You sound normal. :) I keep a tidy house, and I take a lot of care over my appearance. I tick a lot of the outward boxes.

We're not talking about these sorts of women, as has been said several times.

Does it count if you heat up annabel karmel ready meals?

the clue is in the word "baby group"

they are NOT your friends. they are your competitive business collegues

trust me, I used to work in telesales but the most brutal competitiion is wth PFB new mummies

load a shite

Its a shame but it only takes one of these 'uber mummies' in a group to get more people acting like this. I knew one and everyone was normal till she showed up and then everybody got a bit more closed up and defensive and braggy and started talking about diets and stuff. Really spoils it cos what you really want to hear is gossip and overshares about peoples ILs :) She was always questioning what I was doing with DS as well, really wierd because she seemed so false with her DCs and definitely not a 'kid person'. We are always clean and have a nice house/clothes btw. just not glossy types :) I don't see her anymore anyway, she went back to work and I met more people who I related to better. Ignore, ignore, ignore!