to be fed up with mums complaining about all the help they get from their own mothers/mils here?

[ssd]

I know I am prickly about this subject as we don't have any help and would love some, but really

all I seem to have read here recently is daughters/DIL's complaining about pushy/over helpful/too generous grandparents/gp's not following their every wish

is it too much just to be grateful you've got some help at all, or someone who is so interested in your child they actually get on your nerves with it?

I want to say "be grateful, enjoy the interest and appreciate the help"

please!

I wish my parents or in-laws lived in this country. I miss them all so much and would love some help occasionally.
But then again, I knew this when I had my DD...that me and DH are going to do it alone.

Im pg with my second and fully prepared to just get on with it.

It's a blessing to have family who want to help and be there for you. Even if it
is only for an evening here and there.

So because you don't have help, other people should shut up where someone is being overbearing? How does your situation trump someone else's?

YABU
It is a relationship and like any other there can be issues in any relationship. Which people are allowed to discuss.

My husband doesn't always look after the DCs as I think he should. But should I not say anything to my mates because I am lucky to have one?

When providing child care I think it is important that parents and grandparents work together, so the child is brought up with similar values and behavioural expectations. It just works better.

I am in two camps here! Our families live abroad and so we don't have any access to the "on tap" help some posters have and seem to complain bitterly about, and when family do visit they don't tend to babysit etc and actually my mother tends to mess the place up more than tidy! So I am definitely jealous when I hear people moan about how they have no social life when their parents have taken their kids while they head off childfree to New York or Barcelona and take them every time they want a haircut or other "me time".... BUT I get some of the complaints too.

There are times my mum is here and it is a struggle... and MIL even more so - I think she has an undiagnosed anxiety disorder and spends a lot of time talking about all the many ways my ds or unborn child could die and though I have empathy, when pregnant I find it doesn't match well with my own anxiety and I'd rather actually not have to spend that much time with her even though I know that she is supportive and does help out and would be here if we needed her. She is not a bad person, but it is wearing to have endless horror stories told and retold repetitively and all that misery..

I also know what it's like to have a parent who doesn't give a monkey about me or my child - my father and I are estranged and for good reasons.. but it doesn't make some of the ordinary stuff any less irritating just because that relationship doesn't exist iykwim?

thanks everlong, I would answer eggy and wonder about her interest in me (bit scary) but she won't read it so I won't bother!!

one thing MN has taught me is that there is always 2 sides to a story

to someone like me who only has an old mum for close family, it looks like it would be wonderful seeing mums my age with their kids and their mums/mils all walking about, chatting, enjoying each other. my mum is very elderly and I take her out in a wheelchair, she is well past having a conversation with me and its lonely, simple as that

so in my head all close mums/mils/dils/daughters must be having a lovely time, the time I would love to have with my mum that I won't get again

but reading loads of threads on here I know its not always that easy, there can be tensions and situations I can't even guess at

so I know I'm being unreasonable in that aspect

BUT I think its fair to say some posters moan about receiving help when they should be grateful as the help really benefits them and their kids and often is given with good intentions