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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think they should stop shopping?

111 replies

Listzilla · 10/04/2012 10:43

I was telling my mother yesterday that we got DD a sand table instead of chocolate for Easter. Her answer was 'Oh, okay, I'll get her one for here too'. And when I asked her not to, she got angry with me, because I was being cranky and unreasonable and won't let her buy anything for her granddaughter.

They mind DD two days a week, and there have been discussions before about the amount of stuff they buy for those two days.

DD has more, and better, toys there than she does at home. When we got her her first Duplo set, they bought her two bigger ones. When we got her one of the Fisher Price Little People houses and some people, they got a farm and whole hordes of little people. When we got her a little toddler trike, they got her a bigger, better one. She got more toys from her grandparents than from Santa last year.

She also has a whole wardrobe of clothes up there, even though she turns up at their house fully dressed every morning. One of our neighbours is due a baby girl this week and my mother has sent down a big bag of clothes for her - stuff she bought for DD that's never been worn. She then told me that she was going up to Belfast this week to do some shopping for DD because she's outgrown all the clothes they had for her - you know, the ones she never wore.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that they're mad about her and I know how lucky we are. But I do think that she's in danger of being terribly spoiled if this goes on for much longer, and that there are probably more constructive uses for their money! Plus it feels like nothing we get her has any novelty value for long because it's immediately replicated in her grandparents' house.

Am I being silly?

OP posts:

AberdeenAgnes · 10/04/2012 10:47

This wouldn't bother me in the slightest if it wasn't all being kept at my house.

Gumby · 10/04/2012 10:48

I'd let it go tbh
It's not harming anyone
She won't be spoilt by her grandparents buying her stuff kept at their house

WorraLiberty · 10/04/2012 10:50

It wouldn't bother me either

The thing is, as soon as you start using your parents for childcare...they dynamics can change a bit.

If they were just Grandparents instead of 2 day a week childminders, they'd probably only see her a few times a month at your house.

Original poster

Listzilla · 10/04/2012 10:51

It wouldn't bother you that no matter what you bought your kids, it would always fade int insignificance compared to ther version their grandparents would get them a few days later? Really?

OP posts:

GeorgiaMay · 10/04/2012 10:51

It would really annoy me. My parents bought lots of crap (though not to the extent OP is describing) when my dcs were little, and I didn't feel comfortable with the ridiculous amount of stuff. I think they realised it themselves in the end though - we live overseas and when they picked us up from the airport the first thing the dcs said was "are there any presents?", which they thought was rude, but as I pointed out, they brought it on themselves!

As the dcs have got oder it has tailed off, as they don't necessarily know what they're into anymore. Now they get pocket money instead.

Gumby · 10/04/2012 10:53

If you used a nursery or childminder they'd have a sandpit & heaps of stuff

Ragwort · 10/04/2012 10:54

Why do you keep buying stuff for your DD then if she has plenty of toys already at your parents' house - it sounds as though you both do far too much shopping . A sand table instead of an Easter Egg sounds like a very expenisve alternative.

marriedinwhite · 10/04/2012 10:54

So, you have free childcare for two days a week and the grandparents providing it want your dd to have a lovely time when she is there and for her to have the best of everything. In the whole scheme of parenthood it's a really little thing and it's lovely that they are enjoying having her so much - she's far more likely to learn things such as love and generosity from them than she is to become spoiled.

ToryLovell · 10/04/2012 10:55

What gumby said.

We have similar, my parents are much more well off than us and have a frugal lifestyle (don't smoke, drink, go out, go on holiday) so they lavish all their money on the GCs. I think it is great for all concerned.

HipHopOpotomus · 10/04/2012 10:55

ask them to buy something different to what she has at home. Variety being the spice of life etc etc.

Why not set up a 'wishlist' on amazon and direct GM to that if she is lacking ideas of her own? And stop telling your Mum what you buy your DD perhaps? Then she can't copy you.

AberdeenAgnes · 10/04/2012 10:56

No, it wouldn't bother me.

In fact, it happens regularly in our house and suits me just fine. DH and I don't waste money we don't have on plastic crap for the DC because we know his parents will buy them loads. DH's parents came to us for christmas this year and I knew the children would be spoilt by them so I didn't buy much from us, well, from Santa.

I don't want to sound patronising, and I really hope it doesn't come across that way, but my relationship with my toddlers isn't about the 'stuff' that I buy them, or who bought what. I'm their mother and truckloads of plastic tat is neither here nor there.

Original poster

Listzilla · 10/04/2012 10:56

She plays with plenty of stuff in creche. I don't mind that. But the creche staff don't see new things in our house and immediately go and buy the bigger, better version for the creche! And because their choice of toys isn't based on mine, she has more chance of getting to play with different things that she wouldn't have come across before.

OP posts:

TeWihara · 10/04/2012 10:56

It would annoy me, but I think you just have to suck it up in the situation to be honest.

dreamingbohemian · 10/04/2012 10:58

We're lucky enough to have a similar situation -- maybe not quite so OTT, but my ILs do buy quite a lot for DS. They watch him 1 or 2 days a week, he has his own room at their house, lots of nice toys and clothes, they feed him really nice food. He has a better life there than at home! (we are usually skint)

I feel really guilty about it but they want to do it, he is their first grandchild and they love him to bits. They have the money and it brings them so much happiness to see him happy.

Also there will be more grandchildren to come (SIL pregnant now) so they plan to make use of everything for years.

I think you should let it go. It makes your DD happy right? If she starts acting spoiled then you can try to address it.

WorraLiberty · 10/04/2012 10:59

They probably base their choice of toys on what you buy because, if your child is interested in them at home...she'll be interested in them at her GP's house too.

It's not easy to keep a child amused for two days every week, especially when you've probably grown a bit 'rusty' at it.

How old is your DD anyway?

Queenmarigold · 10/04/2012 11:00

I'd love it tbh. Gps here are really tight and everythings tesco value or secondhand. And yes, they could afford it.

AberdeenAgnes · 10/04/2012 11:01

Agree with worra. Maybe they're just trying to make their house as much like 'home' as possible for her, so that she's settled there?

marriedinwhite · 10/04/2012 11:01

OK - so this is actually about your parents buying the better version of what you have bought your daughter and you are reading into this that your parents are saying what you have bought isn't quite good enough.

I think you are possibly reading it wrong in that they aren't trying to outdo you but to buy the best possible stuff for their grandaughter. Ours are teenagers now, but if I happen to mention to my mum that ds has liked x or dd has like y, she will still buy them the identical or slightly better item. She can't help it, she thinks she's doing the right thing and we graciously accept it. We never got free childcare though!

Original poster

Listzilla · 10/04/2012 11:02

He has a better life there than at home!
This is what bothers me. Their house is so much more fun for her than ours! I'm afraid she'll prefer them to us.

OP posts:

ShatnersBonnet · 10/04/2012 11:02

I think it sounds like a great problem to have. They're not trying to make you look inadequate, so let them get on with it..

dreamingbohemian · 10/04/2012 11:03

'It wouldn't bother you that no matter what you bought your kids, it would always fade int insignificance compared to ther version their grandparents would get them a few days later? Really?'

Er, yes, really.

I want DS to be happy and have fun things to play with. I don't really care who buys them for him.

Cassettetapeandpencil · 10/04/2012 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newbielisa · 10/04/2012 11:04

I don't think I'd see it as a competition but then to be honest I'm really soft where DD is concerned and really enjoy the fact that people love her so much that they want to buy her things. Soft sod I know. I'm guessing your LO is still young so probably won't have any comprehension that their gifts are bigger or better. By the time she gets to the age where she can your folks will probably be over it (or skint ).

WorraLiberty · 10/04/2012 11:04

I think you're coming across as jealous now OP...time to get a grip?

All that seems to be happening here is that your parents need to amuse her when she's at their house and there's no point in buying exactly the same toys.

Therefore, it seems they're buying what interests her at home...but a slightly different version.

How old is your DD?

Original poster

Listzilla · 10/04/2012 11:05

She's almost 2. And they're not rusty at entertaining a child, they're absolutely brilliant. Seriously, she adores every minute she spends with them. Even without all the toys they'd be fantastic childminders.

OP posts:

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