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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that my fiance is being stalked on Facebook and the girl concerned has a crush on him

88 replies

Kibokothepurplehippo · 10/04/2012 01:43

Hi everybody,

I would really appreciate your feedback on this. My fiance works full time and is taking a part time degree. He goes to college for one day every other week. A woman he works with is doing the same thing and although they don't see much of each other at work, they spend all day together at college. Since he joined Facebook last September, she 'likes' all his statuses pretty much instantaneously (in one case within 6 seconds), before I even get a chance to. If he puts he has a headache, she 'likes' it immediately, no joke. The only time there is a delay is if he puts something nice or romantic about me and 6 or 7 other people like it first. She put how wonderful his presentation was at college even though he was ill, 'bless ya' and how she went to his desk at work and he wasn't there. She gets him to double check all her coursework. She added him as a friend on messenger when her other friends on there are only her brother and step dad and his other friends are me and a guy who likes bikes. She added no one else from college or work. They met on a Saturday once to study and he was already in the city. She wanted to park at ours and have him walk back to walk her in, even though it is a straight line to walk in. She thought I was at work. The one time I saw them together, she was looking at him with big cow eyes. I know he won't cheat on me, so that's not the issue. It's the fact that he won't acknowledge her crush that annoys me. He's only been on Facebook 6 months, but insists that people put 'like' when someone's status says they're ill to show they've read it. I said it was more usual to put dislike in the comments box. He said it was only my friends who did that and there is no unspoken Facebook etiquette. Am I being unreasonable in thinking she has a crush or is he in denial? Thank you.

OP posts:
Garliccheesechips · 10/04/2012 18:43

OP I get that this is irritating but please try and let it go.
For starters, if she does have a crush on him, it's not a crime. Chances are when she doesn't get a green light from him she'll eventually move on. (Otherwise hide your rabbit).

My DP works with a woman who is absolutely bananas for him. She spent more on him at Christmas than I did. Hmm While it did get under my skin at first, I realised that as I trust him, my best bet was to just ignore it and hope she fucks off finds someone who loves her back just as much.

The only alternative is to either go out with Quasimodo or lock your DP in the attic.

fedupofnamechanging · 10/04/2012 18:52

See, I'm not 100% sure about that LeQueen. Quite often, I think, people don't deliberately set out to cheat on their partners. But what starts out as 'harmless' flirting, or the sharing of experiences with another person, instead of with their partner, can turn into something more. Especially if one person is going out of their way to constantly flatter and give attention to the other one.

Relationships aren't 100% sweetness and light and I think some people get fooled into thinking that what's being offered by the other person is somehow better and they get that impression because the other person says and does all the right things to make someone feel special and isn't associated with the hassles and stresses that come with rl.

There are also people who will cheat at any given opportunity, but I think they are a different category altogether, along with people who would never cheat.

I think that most people fall somewhere in the middle - with the potential but not the deliberate intention to do it.

LeQueen · 10/04/2012 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fedupofnamechanging · 10/04/2012 19:15

I don't think it even happens because one person is growing bored - more that what they see as harmless, initially, turns into an emotional involvement.

But yes, I agree, that when they make that choice to actually embark on an affair, or when they know they are about to cross a line and start behaving in a way that they wouldn't want to tell their partner about, if they don't pull back at that point, then they are a twunt and not worth having.

I'd just sooner not have to be in that situation, so if there was another woman whose behaviour was less friend and more wannabe girlfriend, I'd expect my dh to back away from her, not carry on regardless. It gives the impression that it's okay to flirt with someone else's partner and I really think it isn't okay.

gobbledegook1 · 10/04/2012 20:20

She 'likes' that he has a headache! Thats a bit mean of her.

Maybe it is a crush or maybe she just doesn't have many proper friends and is a bit insecure and is clinging to not losing one of few friends she has by trying to show she cares and is interested etc. Either way if you trust him then I would take it as a compliment that others think he is as great as you do and yet he choses you over them and stop getting worked up about it.

MordecaiAndTheRigbys · 10/04/2012 21:12

Can I just reiterate...

She has liked his Facebook status,

she has added him to messenger,

she has asked him to look over course work,

she asked him once to walk her over home,

she had big eyes once when you saw her looking at him,

ye are in your forties....

Sweet suffering Jesus

HipHopOpotomus · 10/04/2012 21:42

How do you know she is only like this with him? How do you know who she has on messenger?

Yes she has a crush and is working it. But you do seem to absolutely know stuff about her life I wld find really hard to get to know about someone.

Are you stalking her? Grin

HipHopOpotomus · 10/04/2012 21:45

Ps it is not widely normal to say 'dislike' on fb if someone posts something negative or has a cold etc

wannaBe · 10/04/2012 22:00

So let me get this straight...

Someone likes someone else's facebook statuses, all the time, for whatever reason, and this is clear indication that this someone is a stalker with a crush and the liked person needs to acknowledge this fact and get the likee to back off? What the actual fuck...

I think that if you've got to a point in your life where you base your thoughts and feelings on the reactions to statuses on facebook then perhaps it's time to switch off your computer and get back to the real world.

I have a follower on twitter who retweets an awful lot of my tweets. He is a follower, I've never met him, I have spoken to him via twitter and email (as I emailed him some technical advice) but other than that I don't know him. But clearly he must have a crush on me as he retweets my tweets and my dh would be well within his rights to demand that I acknowledge this... op...

GAFG....

LeQueen · 10/04/2012 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 10/04/2012 22:09

"I think that if you've got to a point in your life where you base your thoughts and feelings on the reactions to statuses on facebook then perhaps it's time to switch off your computer and get back to the real world."

90% of you won't have the courage to copy and paste this as your status....

Sorry, couldn't resist Grin

Bucharest · 11/04/2012 06:36

Worra- you forgot the all-important "if you have lost someone dear to Facebook" preamble. Grin

RhinosDontEatEasterEggs · 11/04/2012 09:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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