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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not give teenage DD "her" child benefit?

106 replies

Memoo · 09/04/2012 13:36

Dd is my eldest at thirteen and has asked if she can have the child benefit I receive for her every month. Apparently, it's what a lot of her friends parents do.

I have said an absolute no.

She already receives pocket money and besides all the usual costs of looking after a 13 year old we pay for her gym and dance lessons as well as occasional trips to the cinema, town etc.

Am I really being unreasonable?

OP posts:

ragingmull · 09/04/2012 13:37

No yanbu! I think I might have tried to pull something similar with my mum though...

scurryfunge · 09/04/2012 13:37

Yanbu.

Emmielu · 09/04/2012 13:38

I never got child benefit from my mum & when i recieved it for DD my mum always told me it was for feeding & looking after her. Unless your DD is going to use it to pay for her lunch at school, dinner, part of the bills then i suggest..no. You arent being unreasonable.

Mabelface · 09/04/2012 13:38

Nope. Mind you, I did it with my eldest son when he was 15, but it meant that he had to pay for everything himself, bar school stuff.

Sarcalogos · 09/04/2012 13:38

No you are not!

My mum used to give me pocket money out of the CB money (eg, a proportion of it).

Explain that you use that money to help feed, clothe and house her.

Unless she'd like to pay rent? In which case you'll talk terms?

boringnamechange · 09/04/2012 13:38

My mum gave it to me when I was 16 and I took it but given the chance I'd have told her to keep it. I'm realising now what an expensive teenager I was.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 09/04/2012 13:38

She can have the CB if the pocketmoney, gym dance etc stops, and she starts paying towards rent, bills and food.

YANBU, in short.

MrsMcEnroe · 09/04/2012 13:38

No YANBU at all. I'm not sure how much CB is for one child but I know that I get approx £130 per month for 2 DCs and there's NO WAY that I would be giving either of them £65 (i.e. half the total amount) per month at the age of 13.

Stick to your guns OP.

Fiendishlie · 09/04/2012 13:39

You could try giving it to her and then invoicing her weekly for food, rent, phone, tv licence, hot water ... (you get the idea) [bugrin]

Kladdkaka · 09/04/2012 13:39

Not if you are paying for everything for her. What you could do though is give it to her but stop paying for somethings and make that her responsibility.

CremeEggsandHam · 09/04/2012 13:39

No, you're not. I've never heard of anyone doing that, sounds absurd. Why does a 13 year old need that amount of money anyway? If you're giving pocket money, that's fine and sensible. If they want extra, then they should go get a paper round or something, that's what I'll be telling mine to do when I get there!

shoppingbagsundereyes · 09/04/2012 13:39

my sister and I never received child benefit - my mum was a single parent and needed the money for food, bills etc. We, on the other hand, are on quite a high income (will lose child benefit when it changes, perfectly reasonably imo) and have saved the child benefit to give to our dc when they turn 18. It is paid to the parent for the 'benefit' of the child, it should be spent however the parent sees fit imo.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 09/04/2012 13:39

Oh, look, we all agree!

Fiendishlie · 09/04/2012 13:40

Cross posted with loads cos I'm a slow typist.

yousankmybattleship · 09/04/2012 13:40

YANBU. Maybe suggest she can have it so long as she pays rent and buys her own food.

ABigGirlDoneItAndRanAway · 09/04/2012 13:40

Tell her she can have the child benefit when she starts chipping in to pay the bills and food shopping, that's what child benefit is for after all, to help put a roof over your children's head and food on the table, not for teenagers to fritter away. If her friends' parents can afford to do that they shouldn't really be claiming it IMHO, benefits are meant to be a safety net for those who need them to live not for teenagers to spend on luxuries.

Original poster

Memoo · 09/04/2012 13:41

Thank you.

I may well print this out to show dd.

She has no concept of just how much dh and I have to shell out every month just for the basics never mind the extras. I should start letting her open the bills.

OP posts:

FriskyMare · 09/04/2012 13:42

My mum gave me my child benefit when I was 16 (30 years ago now) I had to buy all clothes (apart from school uniform, coats or essentials) and toiletries. (I also had a saturday job). It made me appreciate my clothes as I had to save up for lots of things.
My dd is 14 and I'm considering giving her the cb. I must spend nearly that on her pocket money & clothes as it is anyway.

DesperatelySeekingBunnies · 09/04/2012 13:44

Cheeky madam

You could suggest giving it to her but ask her how she proposes you pay for her dance classes, gym and outings to the cinema.

Or give her it and then charge her rent? The exact amount of CB you just gave her ofcourse.

ToryLovell · 09/04/2012 13:44

YY to all suggestions of if she wants it then she pays for stuff herself. Will teach her the value of money.

Emmielu · 09/04/2012 13:44

I've already posted but just out of comedy:

I agree with op's DD. Do you have any idea how hard it is to spend little money when you're 13 years old? I need clothes, credit for my phone, chips, burgers when im out with friends, cinema money. Everything is so expensive these days. How on earth will us 13 year olds learn the value of money if we dont get given a good amount? oooh boo!

ok im done. :D

upahill · 09/04/2012 13:44

Lol at her cheek!! Nice one
My DS1 wouldn't dare ask but he gets more than in pocket money than CB plus all his clothes, lynx, clubs money and extra spends.
He knows when he is well off!!

ChasingSquirrels · 09/04/2012 13:45

my mum gave me the choice at 14 - I could have my CB but had to pay for all non-school clothes, or we could continue as was with her paying for all clothes etc.

I didn't chose the CB!

mumnotmachine · 09/04/2012 13:46

I'm going to go against the grain here and say give it to her- how much does she cost you on average a week (excluding dance and gym?)
I would continue to pay for them, but everything else stops, pocket money, non essential clothes buying etc.
I think you will find it actually saves you money

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 09/04/2012 13:47

Memoo - definitely let her know how much things cost & how little the CB is! I daresay some of her friends parents do this - but it would be interesting to see what they are expected to fund out of it! If they are expected to buy all of their own clothes/shoes (other than school stuff) and fund all of their activities then it's not such a bad thing (of course pocket money would stop).

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