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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give teenage DD "her" child benefit?

106 replies

Memoo · 09/04/2012 13:36

Dd is my eldest at thirteen and has asked if she can have the child benefit I receive for her every month. Apparently, it's what a lot of her friends parents do.

I have said an absolute no.

She already receives pocket money and besides all the usual costs of looking after a 13 year old we pay for her gym and dance lessons as well as occasional trips to the cinema, town etc.

Am I really being unreasonable?

OP posts:
CowboysGal · 09/04/2012 16:25

wherearemysocks the difference being that you were 'earning' the money.
Thanks for the Hmm but there is a big difference between earning money and being handed it. Earning money helps you to value it which makes a difference in what you chose to spend it on.
I don't think OP is BU as her DD already has afterschool activities paid for, spending money and trips to cinema, incase I forgot to mention that.

ToadsPornFrogsPawn · 09/04/2012 16:39

I need my CB for fags and booze; it's the stress of DC that makes those essential

BackforGood · 09/04/2012 17:02

Toads Grin

CowboysGal - I think that point about earning is really important.
My ds does a weekly paper round - it's quite a big round (the company reckon it should take him 2 and 1/2 hours) and he earns extra for the leaflets he needs to deliver with the paper. They are all dropped at our house early evening on a night when he's out, so he gets in just before 10 and every week gives a massive moan/sigh/grumble at the site of the papers sitting there waiting to be stuffed - he really hates doing that bit but he carries on because he understands it gives him £10+ in his pocket. It's entirely up to him if he wants to 'work and have money' or 'not have to do any of the work, but equally not have much money in his pocket either'. I don't think that's a bad lesson for life - it's what most of us have to do, after all.

mummymeister · 09/04/2012 17:03

will you still receive CB after the rules change? if not then worth explaning this to her and also as part of your helping her to manage/understand money it is worth setting a weekly budget for her (based on CB if this helps) and then showing how much more than this you spend on her. include in the budget all non school type expenses like cost of phone/texts, clothes, shoes, going out, pressies for friends etc. ime when people see it all written down they realise how much things cost.

teasup · 09/04/2012 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whereismymind73 · 09/04/2012 17:59

We have saved DD's CB in her savings account since she was born but started transferring it to her current account about 18 months ago. She is nearly 10. From this money she has to pay for any days out with friends ( ice skating, cinema) we pay for family days out of course and we will pay for presents for parties she attends. She buys magazines and art supplies from that money too. We buy her clothes but if she wants something extra she will buy that herself ( i.e. she saw a pair of converse this weekend that she wanted and asked if she could buy them with her own money).
It's been a really good exercise in budgeting for her, she rarely spends the full amount and when she does it has generally been because of something substantial not frittering it away.
If we couldn't afford to give it to her I would have no guilt about keeping it though but we are fortunate enough to be in the position to not need it.
Both DH and I are good with money and are determined to teach DD the same. Just before Xmas she asked us to transfer an amount from her current account into her savings - this had been built up over many months and she asked for it to be saved, we didn't tell her it should.

Heswall · 09/04/2012 18:52

I plan to give my children their CB to teach them it doesn't grow on trees for a start and when it's gone it's gone for the month.

Pandemoniaa · 09/04/2012 18:55

Good try on her behalf. But you could consider offering her the child benefit provided that she realises she will now have to pay for her social life, all her clothes (uniform and non-school) and her lunches and bus fares. I doubt the idea will seem half as attractive then.

zipzap · 09/04/2012 20:12

Tell her that you already are giving her the cb and show her how much of it goes in her pocket money, clubs, travel, food, clothes etc. Just because she isn't getting a cheque or transfer for exactly the same amount as cb is completely besides the point.

I'd also discuss what would happen with regards any (real or hypothetical) siblings in the 'I want my cb' debate. If she were the younger then she would get about half the amount the elder one did - what does she think about that? How does she think the difference between the two amounts should be used - split between all siblings, used on general stuff (food, heating, transport, etc)

Could at least lead to a useful conversation!

lookoveryourshoulder · 09/04/2012 20:59

...our child benefit savings scheme has backfired...

.... we too have been in the very very fortunate position of saving our Child Benefit for our son since he was born - 16+11 months to date ....

All the money each month has gone into a Savings Accounts + a Savings Bond (in trust) - which we assumed would be useful for further education/Uni/ housing/other needs when our son reached 18....

Last week we received a letter from the Building Society to say that he needed to go in and sign a Tax form for these accounts for 2012...

We have never made him aware of this money - so tomorrow we (but he) is going to find out that he has potentially a "lot of money"..... all his dreams have come true - Xbox upgrade, more games, shirts, jeans, tops, car, insurance, blah blah blah blah... but hopefully not ????

I hope that he does not spend it all on crap... but I am very very nervous...

He also had Premium Bonds which I had to sign over when he was 16 - luckily he had forgotten about these...

Time crept up too fast to work out a suitable diversion plan - be warned ...

squeakytoy · 09/04/2012 21:50

lookover, your post is a perfect example of why CB should have been means tested a bloody long time ago.

marriedinwhite · 09/04/2012 21:53

Well ours are 17 and nearly 14. I don't think they are even aware that I receive child benefit.

OP - I've read the first and last and would be interested to know why your dd is asking for it.

lookoveryourshoulder · 09/04/2012 22:06

squeakytoy - ...... unfortunately - I don't make the rules only adhere to them ...

... but on the other hand - I have an elderly Mother that has been in a Nursing Home for over 6 years.

She cannot move, see, communicate, has diabetes, a severe brain condition and weighs less than 5 stone (down from over 12 since admitted) she may also have cancer but the NHS refuse to pay for her care.... she has spent over £260,000+ so far on her Nursing Home fees....... she was made to sell her home, her savings are all but gone....

Her Care Home fees supplement those other individuals by reducing the amount that Social Services pay for care for people who have no savings... i.e. the cost to tax payers/council tax payers ...

Not that it is relevant - but swings and roundabouts...

startail · 09/04/2012 22:07

The DDs can have theirs next year, it won't buy anything.

Thank you Mr Cameron.

Ajobforlife · 10/04/2012 01:05

I gave both my DD's the family allowance from about 12/13yrs but made it clear that was it ,when it was gone - it was gone! (and i stuck to it) I continued to pay for dance lessons guides etc but sweets.comics and extras was their responsibility. They very quickly learnt to budget for the things they really wanted. I dont know if it was coincidence but they are both great with their money. We often joke that give them a tenner and they will get £20 of spending power. Give it a try but be firm and stick to your rules, it could teach your DC a valuable lesson.

aliportico · 10/04/2012 01:30

My mum gave me my family allowance - think it was £27 a month back then - for non-school clothes and my social life, when I was £13, and I an doing the same with my kids.

I average it out so my teens each get £60 a month, and they buy their own non-school clothes, phone credit, birthday and Christmas presents, and any other entertainment out of that. They never ask me for money.

oldraver · 10/04/2012 14:19

If her pocket money/classes/trips come to more that £20 a week, tell her she can have the CB but has to pay out for these things

custardismyhamster · 10/04/2012 14:44

Y'see, I'm really mean (possibly good that I don't have teenage DCs yet!)

I would be honestly sitting down and writing a list:

Mortgage: X
Council Tax: X
Bills: X
Hobbies: X
Food shopping: X
etc

I'd then be dividing this by the number of people in the house, pointing out that younger siblings pay their share with 'their' income (ie their child benefit) and asking how she is going to pay hers-telling her you've deducted her CB from it and so she owes you Y.

Think this would make the point well! Bless her for trying though

BonnieBumble · 10/04/2012 14:45

YANBU although I think it is fairly common to do this, I remember the child benefit was split between me and sister when we were teenagers.

Debs75 · 10/04/2012 14:52

MrsJay she is doing A levels so I hope they aren't on the non-approved list, which I didn't know there was

missmalteser · 10/04/2012 14:54

Haha at 13! If/when dd decides to go onto further education I will happily hand over her cb as an incentive to stay on and study, as I remember the jealousy I had when all my friends were working and had their own spends while I was still at school, maybe when she hits 14 and wants to get a part time job I will match what she makes, but tbh I think most dc's are happy to believe we parents fritter away our cash on lattes and manicures, never thinkin of how expensive they are to keep! Give her an invoice op of your monthly expenditure on her then take the cb from it and ask her how she's planning to make up the defecit :)

slatternlymother · 10/04/2012 15:09

Do you know, I'd do it. Just say 'well, you'll be expected to pay for yourself from now on', then leave it at that. Then, when she asks for club fees/clothes/phone money you tell her that you thought she agreed she'd be paying for herself from now on, as she's such a grown up. After all, she has no food and housing costs; what more does she want? Then sit back, and watch her implode.

Honestly, the hard way is the only way sometimes. I had friends who had masses of pocket money when I was a kid and I was SO jealous. What they didn't tell me, was that they had to pay for their own clothes, extra curricular activities, phone bills etc.

If she wants £20 a week; she can have it. And everything that goes with it Grin

BonnieBumble · 10/04/2012 15:09

We weren't rich by any means we grew up in a single parent household on benefits. My mum said that it actually took the pressure off when she gave us the CB because she only had to feed us, we were not always asking for money to go to the cinema etc. I had 2 jobs as a teenager as well and at one point was earning about £50 per week which was an awful lot for a teen 25 years ago. We were responsible though and we often saved up to pay for a family holiday or treat my mum to getting her hair done.

OTTMummA · 10/04/2012 15:50

LOL, well, if she always has a sense of humor like this she can earn good money with stand up comedy.

Yanbu, but i would give her the option of having all her extra's cancelled, and then she can manage her 'money' this also means no more allowence/pocket money.
Also, she would have to pay for her water, gas, electric, rent, food out of it aswell.

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 10/04/2012 15:53

Means testing is all well abd good, but it doesn't take into account the area you live in. i'm self employed when not on MA, but dh earns well above the national average, yet more than half our take home goes on rent for a 1 bed flat with no garden.... We're not about to lose child benefit (thank god) but we qualify for sweet fa else, have no chance of getting a mortgage for anywhere round here, even if/when we do manage to save a deposit.

Sorry for thread jack. Am grumpy and feeling ranty.

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