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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give teenage DD "her" child benefit?

106 replies

Memoo · 09/04/2012 13:36

Dd is my eldest at thirteen and has asked if she can have the child benefit I receive for her every month. Apparently, it's what a lot of her friends parents do.

I have said an absolute no.

She already receives pocket money and besides all the usual costs of looking after a 13 year old we pay for her gym and dance lessons as well as occasional trips to the cinema, town etc.

Am I really being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Memoo · 09/04/2012 13:48

Grin Emmie. You sound just like her

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 09/04/2012 13:48

no YANBU imo benefit isnt for the child to spend its for the parent of a child , you have to admire her cheek though Grin Im unsure why parents give it to their teens

Ephiny · 09/04/2012 13:48

I agree it's up to the parents to spend as they see fit, so if they want to give it to the child as 'pocket money' I guess that's up to them. It wouldn't have occurred to me to ask my mother this as a child though - it does seem a little cheeky! Quite reasonable to say no IMO.

BackforGood · 09/04/2012 13:51

I think I would write it out for her, so she can see how many times over she is already getting the CB..... her pocket money, the fees for her hobbies, her clothes, toiletries etc., her food, her transport, her holidays (maybe 1/4 of the bills - housing/utilities/transport, if she hasn't 'got it' by then).

mumnotmachine · 09/04/2012 13:51

I give my daughter the equivalent of the amount of Chb but she knows it has to cover everything she needs I consider non essential, including anything she buys in the canteen in school.
Shes pretty good with money on the whole

gobbledegook1 · 09/04/2012 13:51

Thats what my mum did with me when I was about 14 (think it was known as family allowance back then) plus an additional £5 a week off my dad. When she got it she would give it to me and it had to last me until the next lot was due but it was a very strict that is all I was getting and if I wasted it I had to go without for the remainder of the time and included me having to pay for all my own activities such as going to the cinema or into town with mates, it taught me the value of money and how to budget and forward plan. I didn't have any costly hobbies to pay for though only horse-riding and my dad payed for that (my parents were divorced).

BellaVita · 09/04/2012 13:52

Nope yanbu.

My Ds's don't get theirs. To keep, feed and clothe them it costs an awful lot more than I get a month.

They both get pocket money though every month and never ever go without.

yakbutter · 09/04/2012 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumnotmachine · 09/04/2012 13:53

I agree gobbledygook, she thinks far more about how shes spending her money and wastes far less

blapbird · 09/04/2012 13:54

YANBU!

Jenstar21 · 09/04/2012 13:54

We got our CB from the age of 13, but it was our ' clothes allowance '. We had to buy all our non school clothes, coats, shoes with it. Mum used to put it into an account for us, and purchases were largely supervised by her!

TooManyOddSocks · 09/04/2012 13:54

My mum used to give me the CB from about the age of 14 (35now) But it was agreed that she would only pay for my school clothes, shoes and a non snazzy school bag and bog standard stationery. If I wanted anything "cooler" I had to put my money towards it. Anything and everything else I had to pay for.
I would like to be in the position to that for my DC but financially it is just not possible at the moment.

CecilyP · 09/04/2012 13:55

YANBU. Unless, as others have said, you give her the choice of then paying for all the things you currently pay for. Then you would have to be strict with sticking to that rule.

Original poster
Memoo · 09/04/2012 13:55

Maybe I should give her a itemised invoice so she can see exactly how much she costs me.

OP posts:
mumnotmachine · 09/04/2012 13:56

I do pay for any outside school activities though, I think its important for them to attend those, and I dont want the money being spent elsewhere, I factor those in to how much I give her- I also her mobile phone top up so I know shes always available

TheSockPuppet · 09/04/2012 13:56

No you are not being unreasonable at all, tell her to get a paper round and earn her own money for cinema etc.

bronze · 09/04/2012 13:56

So these teens who get the child benefit. Does the first get nearly twice the amount of spending money to their siblings? Grin

Strawbezza · 09/04/2012 13:56

YANBU.

Maybe she needs to know how much she's already costing you.

AutumnSummers · 09/04/2012 13:58

If she were enttitled to it then would be paid to her. She's chancing her arm but, hey, if you don't ask you don't get!

BellaVita · 09/04/2012 13:59

I also pay for music lessons too for the boys - one plays guitar and the other the drums.

DS2 also went to rugby camp for 3 days last week which I paid for - admittedly he did not ask to go, it was me that suggested it but he was still up for it.

brdgrl · 09/04/2012 13:59

Wow, i can't believe there are actually parents who give it to the kids. That is unreasonable!

When I recovered from my fits of laughter, I might present DD with a bill for her upkeep.

Chilenachica · 09/04/2012 14:01

I was given the CB by my mother, but only because there was no money for pocket money. I think she felt guilty because all my siblings had pocket money, I'm the youngest, but none of them were given to CB. Also, I used to save every penny I could so maybe she trusted me more.

I do think though, that asking for "her" CB is a bit cheeky, maybe you need to explain why it's paid to the main carer. And what other benefits she already gets, dance classes etc.

MrsSleepyBunny · 09/04/2012 14:01

My mum used to give me mine and that was my pocket money, I used it for phone credit and going out etc but never had to use it to get clothes or anything, I had a part time job waitressing too but my mum still brought my clothes and toiletries.

Would I do the same for my two? I think I would. But only because I could afford it, wouln't if I couldn't but we'll be losing it soon so will need to think about a reasonable amount of pocket money.

mosschops30 · 09/04/2012 14:02

Yanbu dd had to get a paperround for her trips to town and cinema etc.
Amazing how much less she spends now its her hard earned money

MrsSleepyBunny · 09/04/2012 14:03

God I really was not boasting then, sorry if it seemed like I was