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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not give teenage DD "her" child benefit?

106 replies

Memoo · 09/04/2012 13:36

Dd is my eldest at thirteen and has asked if she can have the child benefit I receive for her every month. Apparently, it's what a lot of her friends parents do.

I have said an absolute no.

She already receives pocket money and besides all the usual costs of looking after a 13 year old we pay for her gym and dance lessons as well as occasional trips to the cinema, town etc.

Am I really being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Mrsjay · 09/04/2012 14:04

I dont think it sounded like you were boasting at all , its child benefit its up to the parent what happens with it , [busmile]

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 09/04/2012 14:06

I'd agree that it might be a good idea to give it to her, but explain that it will have to go towards her lessons, leisure activities etc (as presumably that's partly what you use it for at the moment). You could sit with her and help her figure out a budget.

Awareness of what things cost and how to manage money is SO important. Growing up I never had any real guidance about how to budget, just money for bus fares etc given to me quite grudgingly. There was a general sense of disapproval about me spending money, or asking for it, and a constant pressure once I was old enough to get a job, but no practical advice or support about how to spend/save and how to go about looking for work. I would really have appreciated some straightforward discussions about money and I bet your DD would benefit from it.

eurochick · 09/04/2012 14:07

My parents set it aside as a clothes fund - first school clothes and then anything else I wanted. It made me appreciate the cost of things and learn how to budget. I topped it up with my Saturday job earnings.

WorraLiberty · 09/04/2012 14:11

Cheeky mare!

My friend and I used to go car washing at that age to earn extra money.

After a few months, we had quite a few fortnightly regulars.

CowboysGal · 09/04/2012 14:13

2 of my DSs friends get their CB. One spends his on alcohol, the other boy is being referred to CAMHS by the school as they are so worried about his cannabis addiction and the negative impact it is having on him.
The worry with Teens is that even the best behaved ones are open to temptation. I'm not saying that is what your DD wants more money for, but I am saying that from the sounds of it she has enough already and IME the teens with more money than their peers are the ones who find 'fun' things to spend the money on.

Debs75 · 09/04/2012 14:17

I am going against you all here when dd1 goes to college in September I am thinking of giving her her CB as she won't get an EMA or college bursary, they do however give them £10 which can either be for dinners or split dinner/travel pass.
She currently gets £10 pocket money a week which she uses for her dance class and to supplement dinners and saves for going out with friends.
If I give her the CB I will stop the pocket money but she will have to pay her £17 a fortnight horseriding lessons, and weekly cello lessons
She should have enough and she will see how expensive she can be with drinks and snacks here and there.

WorraLiberty · 09/04/2012 14:18

No chance of her looking for a part time job Debs?

trixie123 · 09/04/2012 14:19

If you were to give it to her, perhaps it should be in exchange for chores around the house otherwise she is getting something for nothing which is not, sadly, how the world works!

TooManyOddSocks · 09/04/2012 14:19

Just to clarify, I got my cb but not pocket money aswell.

mumnotmachine · 09/04/2012 14:20

But even if you give the child all of the Child benefit allowance for the eldest that only works out £20 a week? When they are paying for everything themselves out of it, it really doesnt go that far!
I give my daughter £60 a month (but that includes £10 a month from grandfather) plus I pay £10 for her mobile top up.
She pays for everything I term non essential out of that- anything she wants to buy in canteen (refuse to give her extra money as there is always something here for packed lunch!)
She buys any clothes wshe wants, makeup is the favourite purchase atm, and any cinema/bowling trips =etc (but shes also learnt to be savvy and had an orange phone for Orange Weds, and scours the net for vouchers for bowling etc

Debs75 · 09/04/2012 14:22

Worra she is looking after her GCSE's so I am hoping she will get something which will fit in with college. Then again half the kids in college and her school are looking so chances are there won't be anything by then

mumnotmachine · 09/04/2012 14:22

And she is expected to help out around the house in order to receive it. Shes a good kid, bit moody at times, but usually great company and very well adjusted (apart from the dodgy eye makeup she seems to think is "cool"!

gobbledegook1 · 09/04/2012 14:22

brdgrl I would go with what someone else said try working out what your child costs you on average per month (in pocket money, none essential clothes, trips out & personal toiletries) then work out where it comes to in relation to the child benefit. My mum did it because it worked out she would actually be giving me less by giving me the family allowance and making me pay for all my own trips out, non essential clothes and toiletries etc than what I was getting when she was giving me weekly pocket money plus an extra fiver here and tenner there when my pocket money had ran out and I wanted to go out plus all of the above mentioned items. So it made logical sense to my mum as it would save her money in the long run and in turn taught me how to budget and taught me the value of things and made me realise just how much I cost my mum and made me a little more grateful.

wherearemysocks · 09/04/2012 14:26

I'm surprised how many people think this is a crazy idea. Me and my sis were given our, 'family allowance' as it was then, it was for non-essential stuff, clothes, going out etc. I think it helped us realise the value of money better, and decide if we 'really really' needed that new whatever. I can't remember exactly what age we began getting it but we were teenagers.

We did our chores etc round the house to 'earn it' as such.

And neither of us spent it on alcohol or drugs

gobbledegook1 · 09/04/2012 14:27

Also at 15 I got a weekend job as a kennel maid to top up what I got.

mumnotmachine · 09/04/2012 14:28

And thats exactly what Im doing- my mother always said the familly allowance as it was back then was HER money. My pocket money stopped when I went to Comp, I had a paper round from 11 and had to pay for everything myself.
At 14 I was babysitting, doing 3 paperrounds and working ina bakery.

When I left home age 24 (16 years ago my mother was charging me £60 a WEEK in board- yes we talking 1996!) she was absolutely ruthless- but it stood me in good stead as I try not to waste a penny now!

And I give to my daughter as there are no jobs around here for her age group, but she will be encouraged to look for a part time job as soon as she is old enough

gobbledegook1 · 09/04/2012 14:28

Well put wherearemysocks

TheSockPuppet · 09/04/2012 14:31

My mum spent the child benefit (or family allowance, not sure what it was called then but I'm only 24 so it wasn't that long ago) on food for the family. If we wanted new clothes or trips out etc we earned our own money and paid for it.

Mrsjay · 09/04/2012 14:51

Debs i think that is different if she isnt getting EMA , her CB might stop though mt dds did as her course wasnt on the approved list iyswim ,

DPrince · 09/04/2012 14:57

I would give her it. Then stop paying for gym, dance, clothes etc and giving pocket money. She will soon realise that it doesn't go very far.

Libra · 09/04/2012 15:10

We do this too and I think it is very sensible - in fact it was recommended to me by Mumsnet when DS1 was 14. Since then he receives his CB (a quarter every week rather than all in one go). I buy school uniform, bog-standard school pens, cheap deodorant, etc. Everything else he pays for - if he wants to go out, phone, clothes, etc. If he wants to buy lunch at school he pays for it - there is food in the fridge if he wants to make his own packed lunch.

It has really taught him budgeting. He is perpetually saving up for things. He is sometimes lucky enough to get a job - babysitting, Christmas work in shops, and so can top himself up in that way. I do pay for his guitar lessons, but that is because he is studying for a diploma at a university at the moment so there is no way CB would cover that !

He is off to university in September and I think that this experience will be helpful when it comes to the bigger budgeting he will have to do then. (I would also agree with the poster above who suggested that this might be cheaper than the pocket money and forking out for clothes, etc, route we were on before). It has also made him really appreciate his clothes when he buys them!

BackforGood · 09/04/2012 15:17

In a lot of our worlds though mumtomachine £70 a month (the £60 you give in pocket money + the £10 for phone) is a MASSIVE amount of money. You also said earlier that you pay for activities on top of that.
Fine - if you have that kind of money, it's a decision each parent has to make, but a lot of people don't, and their teens survive.

I have a ds who is £15 who gets £15 a month from me - he wants to spend more, so has got himself a once a week paper round, brings him in another £10+ a week.
I have a dd who is 13 who get £13 a month from me.
(I also have a 3rd child who is younger and not at the stage of wanting too much of her own spends at the mo).
I pay for all my dcs activities (piano lesson, Scout Camps, subs, etc) but they pay their own phone use. If they want a particular brand of top or whatever then they put it on their Christmas or birthday list. They manage fine. dd is now also thinking of getting herself a paper round. ds is looking for something with more hours as he's coming up to 16 and has just got his NI number. They realise though, that money is finite.

HappyMummyOfOne · 09/04/2012 15:27

I dont think its a bad idea either. Teens need to learn to budget before they go onto further education or start their first job.

I plan to give DS his when he's settled at high school, hopefully he'll learn to budget well and it will stand him in good stead for the future. Good habits learned early will set him up for life.

upahill · 09/04/2012 15:36

Backforgood I have to disagree that £70 a month is a massive amount. That is £17.50 a week which isn't a huge amount for teenage things.
We give our kids £20 aweek pocket money but still end up paying for clothes, clubs, (phone on contract so that doesn't count) downloads,gigs, hobbies magazines,etc.

£70 a month doesn't go far these days.

I think this is why, if given an option DS would prefer just to have pocket money than CB. I would have been the same if my mum had offered - I was wise enough to know when I was being looked after!!

BackforGood · 09/04/2012 15:41

As I said in my post Upahill, if you have that kind of disposable income, then that's a different story, but when you are on the kind of budget a lot of us are on, then it is a massive amount. There is no way teens need that kind of money. (I do have 2 teens, I'm not just projecting). Sure, it might be nice, and, I'm not saying it's wrong if you have lots of money, but that's a whole week's supermarket shop here.

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