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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this woman should pay more attention to her own appearance.

159 replies

lurkinginthebackground · 09/04/2012 00:32

Took my mum and 2 dds out to NT event for Easter.
It was cold and involved traipsing around a NT property, doing the Easter Egg Hunt, exploring the adventure playground for clues and then looking at the "gardens".
We didn't go into the stately home as it was £14 just to see the gardens plus £2 per child for the egg hunt.
Anyway "the gardens" turned out to be no more than very large fields with grass and the occassional set of trees.

We were all dressed in coats and flat shoes.
DD1, who is 15, pointed out a woman who had quite literally eyed her up and down starting at her feet, then worked her way up until she finally looked at dds hair and then pulled a not too happy face! dd2 verified that she actually did this!
My dd was wearing Pineapple shoes, baggy jeans, a rose coloured sweat top and a Superdry coat. Her hair was French plaited at the front then tied in a ponytail. She also had very subtle make up.
I tried to laugh it off and told her that the woman was probably admiring her.
She said no mum, she didn't do it in that way,
Anyway the woman looked ok from behind, albeit in a cardigan,Ugg style boots and NO COAT (shudders) but when she turned round had a face to turn the prettist of things into stone.
She looked very old to be a mother of the small child she was with (6,7ish).
I then told dd not to worry as she aws hardly any sort of fashionista.
Secretly I looked at this woman and thought "take a long hard look at yourself, you really are not in any position to throw stones are you?"

Not needing advice just cannot believe that a grown woman would do that to a child. Get a grip you silly cow.

OP posts:
OneLastSoul · 09/04/2012 10:59

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gafhyb · 09/04/2012 11:03

Do you think some people do it without realising?

I have a friend who is very attractive and into clothes. She looked me up and down the other day (I had a new pair of shoes on), and I felt this sudden burst of embarrassment, followed by anger.

lurkinginthebackground · 09/04/2012 11:36

Hi
Glad that some of you admit that some women, Lord knows why, actually do look others up and down.
I don't actually as I am quite happy in myself and with my life.
I only gave her a second look because of what dd, backed up by her younger sister, had told me.
I did tell her to ignore the woman, who I do think was the mother but I don't really care. Neither do I care weather she was having a bad day or what ever.
The reason I explained in detail what dd was wearing was because otherwise some of you would have wanted to know what she was wearing!!!! As if this would justify some woman, who should be minding her own business, giving out unwarrented looks to a child.
Sorry to disappoint those of you who like a good tradgedy. You will have to look on relationships to hear stories of serious woe.
You won't find them from me.
Sorry to disappoint you but I am perfectly happy with my lot. Yes my dd wanted to come along on the day out, she didn't have to, my ds didn't come and that was fine.
So yes I am a lucky mother because my dd actually wanted to spend time with her sister, mum and grandma.
Oh and I didn't see the woman look at dd because at the time both myself and my mum were exchanging glances and smiling inwardly at another woman who was enquiring as to where the rose gardens were. We had already seen the "gardens."

OP posts:
MrsKittyFane · 09/04/2012 11:37

gaf my colleague does this all the time! I always say something like "oh, do you like my new shoes" in a kind of "caught ya" way!
It also forces her to comment as I think it's rude when she so obviously looks but doesn't say anything!

lurkinginthebackground · 09/04/2012 11:41

Gafhyb- Yes I believe some people do not realise what they are doing.
DD1 has a friend and her sister stares at people all the time.
I have seen her stare at men, women, and children she does it for ages.
At first dd1 was put out by it, you can tell she is at a very sensitive age!!! I told her to ignore it and that this girl probably didn't realise that she does it. Yes it is quite unnerving if you don't know her. She can literally stare for ages for no apparent reason either.

OP posts:
MrsKittyFane · 09/04/2012 11:42

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LadyBeagleEyes · 09/04/2012 11:44

Ah, there's nothing to beat a this woman looked at be funny thread on MN.Grin

TidyDancer · 09/04/2012 11:45

Are you annoyed you didn't give her a mouthful at the time, so you're satisfying your own feelings by saying things about her now? That's how it's sounding to me.

lurkinginthebackground · 09/04/2012 11:48

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MrsKittyFane · 09/04/2012 11:49

Funny, I was at a NT house and there was this woman, with her mum, looking over at me whilst I was asking where the gardens were.
This woman and her mum exchanged glances which made me feel a bit paranoid. Would it have been U to say something?

Hmm
Salmotrutta · 09/04/2012 11:52

If you didn't see it happening how do you know your DDs hadn't given the woman a funny look first?

And at 15 she isn't quite a "child" really is she? More of an adolescent.

Salmotrutta · 09/04/2012 11:54

Some of the teenagers I teach have permanent scowls on their faces ...

EnjoyResponsibly · 09/04/2012 11:55

I'm often thought of as being miserable as I just have one of those faces.

I think people who look for others "looking them up and down" have too much time on their hands and a leaning toward looking for trouble where there is none.

everlong · 09/04/2012 11:57

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsKittyFane · 09/04/2012 11:58

Some people are always catching your eye in a "what you lookin at" way.

Scorpette · 09/04/2012 11:59

Oh my god, she looked very old to be the mother of the child she was with?!?!?! What kind of fucking monster has children beyond a certain age... Wait! I am 39 and have a 10 month old DS - are the police going to come round and arrest me for having unprotected sex after the age of 35?! Or will they let me off with a warning and a hysterectomy once they know my DP is 30? Am so worried now Hmm

Rhubarbgarden · 09/04/2012 11:59

I'd like to know to which NT property you are referring. It could be that the 'fields' you mention are actually a Capability Brown designed landscape. Not all historic gardens involve roses or even flowerbeds. They all involve a lot of expensive upkeep though.

GreenEyesAndHam · 09/04/2012 12:00

I'm still laughing at

the boxing gloves are off!

Do people really talk like that?? In RL I mean, I know they do in EastEnders

MrsKittyFane · 09/04/2012 12:03

Rubarb :) I bet we wouldn't find you bored at a NT property in Pineapple dancewear!
I'm with you, I love NT gardens :)

Hissboo · 09/04/2012 12:05

I assume the other woman was probably looking at the OP's dd wondering why she was dressed for a shopping trip in the middle of a field. We go to NT places all the time and my standard garb is jeans and walking boots.

I went out wearing a cardigan yesterday but didn't go to a NT place or else I'd wonder if the OP was talking about me [buhmm]

Hissboo · 09/04/2012 12:07

Which NT place was it? Our local one has fields and trees (otherwise known as woodland) but also has formal gardens that are hidden away and easily missed if you don't know where to look. It also has an adventure playground too.

Hissboo · 09/04/2012 12:09

Thought I'd add this as well [bubear]

Not had an opportunity to use that all weekend!

IAmBooyhoo · 09/04/2012 12:19

why do you care? -is what you should have said to your DD

why am i bothering?- is what i should have said to myself before responding to this.

you need to grow up and spend some time with reall adults whose world doesn't consist of bitching about and glaring at other people, never mind posting about it on the internet. i know people who would do this sort of thing. they have very small minds.

SauvignonBlanche · 09/04/2012 12:20

[bubiscuit]

Originalplurker · 09/04/2012 12:24

I can't believe how many poster have criticised the op for

A) looking someone up and down and forming a first impression seems most have never actually done this

B) giving details about her daughters appearance to circumvent any queries about her clothes in other words her daughter was wearing pretty bog standard teenage stuff not outlandish or very different to the norm.

C) op has obviously getting a bee in her bonet about what this women did, sounds to me like a mother being protective of her daughters feelings.

Sometime stuff happens that just nark us.