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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be quite [buangry] at another mum

83 replies

Aperolspritzer · 08/04/2012 21:57

My lovely 13yo ds was at a sleepover last night - the mum gave him a SHOT of peach schnapps! I know them well, really lovely family and i'm so disappointed about this, got an apology by text but my ds says she is annoyed 'cos I didnt text her back - to be honest i'm speechless atm.

OP posts:

manicbmc · 08/04/2012 22:00

At 13, I'd be well pissed off and have expected to have been asked beforehand if it was okay (as it is in some families)

Dd went to a sleepover when she was 12 and was given vodka and coke! She didn't tell me until years later.

Original poster

Aperolspritzer · 08/04/2012 22:01

Rubbish at links too..

OP posts:

McHappyPants2012 · 08/04/2012 22:03

Yanbu when it time for my dc to have alchol I want to be there to make sure they are ok

Heyyyho · 08/04/2012 22:03

Well if you know them well and they have apologised I suppose it's not the end of the world. I drank wine at friends house at that age with a meal it we are Italian so it's sort of the norm. I was also drinking cider in the park which was not so great.
They weren't purposely forcing him or getting him drunk presumably they were just offering it around and misjudged the situation.

I do find the text a bit odd as a call would have been better.

wellilikemythinking · 08/04/2012 22:03

I'd be furious and she would know it! But I would wait until I had calmed down and organised my thoughts and I would not want to hear any excuses from her (there are none) only an apology, actually typing this I am mad for you!

manicbmc · 08/04/2012 22:05

I'm quite relaxed with dd about alcohol now. She's 17 and there is a can of cider in the fridge for her if she wants it. But 12/13 is a whole lot different than 17.

Your child, your choice - that is the bit that would make me angry.

AKissIsNotAContract · 08/04/2012 22:06

How did you find out?

ToothbrushThief · 08/04/2012 22:06

I would be furious.

Original poster

Aperolspritzer · 08/04/2012 22:07

DS texted me to say he was having a fun time and told me in his text

OP posts:

Dawndonna · 08/04/2012 22:08

It's a small drop of shnapps. SMALL!
Crikey, half the reason the English have such a bloody problem with alcohol is this attitude. A little bit, with adults around, now and then is not a problem. European kids are so much better at this than kids here and it's due to the adult attitudes.

wellilikemythinking · 08/04/2012 22:10

Yeah, what she does with her own is one thing but someones else's child is quite another.

What was she thinking? Why would this even come up? When my 11yr DS has a sleep over I stock up on milkshake, popcorn and sweets, I won't even drink myself 'just in case' as had to collect my own on 2 occasions when they have been ill in the night at a sleepover.

squeakytoy · 08/04/2012 22:10

I actually wouldnt be bothered if it was just one shot... by 13 I was regularly raiding the drinks cabinets with my friends and I would rather teens be supervised by an adult than left to their own devices and out of control, because I know how bad me and my mates were.

AKissIsNotAContract · 08/04/2012 22:11

It's a bit baffling that your son would snitch on himself! I'd be incline to agree with dawn, it's not like she got him pissed.

WorraLiberty · 08/04/2012 22:12

I would be furious too...that's not her decision to make.

I have to say my 13yr old DS wouldn't get off lightly either for accepting it.

LentillyFart · 08/04/2012 22:13

Massive overreaction and as pointed out above it is THIS kind of hysteria that leads to an unhealthy relationship with alcohol later on in the teenage years. It was a small shot for fuck's sake not a big fat line of cocaine and a couple of vodka chasers!

Heyyyho · 08/04/2012 22:14

This is such a massive overreaction it's almost funny.

What a strange attitude people have in this country to alcohol. A drop of shnaps in a family environment! Perspective?
How do you think young teens learn to drink responsibly if it is locked away like an unknown scary tempting treat?

Shakey1500 · 08/04/2012 22:16

I think I'd be a bit cross that the descision was not made by me but, given the small amount, wouldn't make a massive issue out of it.

OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly · 08/04/2012 22:16

I think I'd read them (the parents in question) the riot act - my dd is 15 & had 3 mates for a sleepover on NY's eve.

I made sure each of them had permission from the parents BEFORE I gave them any alcohol (a glass of cava & o.j. each at midnight).

There's no way I would have given any of them a drink without permission.

And definitely not a shot!

(btw I'm drinking some v nice Rioja at the moment so not against alcohol in general)

DinahMoHum · 08/04/2012 22:16

i wouldnt be bothered by one shot.

fluffypillow · 08/04/2012 22:17

I wouldn't be that worried about it tbh. It was a very small amount, under adult supervision.

WorraLiberty · 08/04/2012 22:18

I've got no problem with the alcohol itself....lord knows I drink enough of it!

But whenever my eldest had a sleepover and the parents were going to give them a beer/alcopop, they'd always ask if it's ok with me.

I used to do the same with them...it's just manners really.

cheesesarnie · 08/04/2012 22:19

i think your ds is grown up for telling you but if it was mentioned in a text from him id assume that he thought it would be ok.
does he know your attitude towards alcohol?
you said the family was nice- do you trust them not to go ott?

Wolfiefan · 08/04/2012 22:22

If someone gave my 13 year old their first taste of alcohol without talking to me I would not be happy. (He does have a medical issue though.) I would want his first drink to be with us at home. Horribly controlling of me or just wanting to put across the right messages? I would be worried about this. A text apology would cut no ice here I'm afraid!

Original poster

Aperolspritzer · 08/04/2012 22:23

Heyyyho and Lentilly - I dont think my post was one of overeaction tbh - I would rather be involved in it with him, he's my son after all. Shakey has summed up what I feel but thanks everyone anyway.

OP posts:

AutumnSummers · 08/04/2012 22:24

I agree with dawndonna

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