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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be quite [buangry] at another mum

83 replies

Aperolspritzer · 08/04/2012 21:57

My lovely 13yo ds was at a sleepover last night - the mum gave him a SHOT of peach schnapps! I know them well, really lovely family and i'm so disappointed about this, got an apology by text but my ds says she is annoyed 'cos I didnt text her back - to be honest i'm speechless atm.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 08/04/2012 22:25

But how does anyone know this is his "first drink"..

nickseasterchick · 08/04/2012 22:26

I used to think like this but trust me theres a whole lot worse that a 13 year old could be drinking,I know youre angry but a wise friend once advised me 'step back,look at it from all angles and when your sure you see all sides step back in and react then'......voice your dismay with ds,explain your reasoning with the parent then move on .....theres worse to come .

ToBotoxOrNot · 08/04/2012 22:28

Are they German? Only I was travelling in India and met a mother and her two young children and they always had a schnapps after their evening meal. I was quite shocked when they offered me one but they were so normal and balanced that I guessed it must be a cultural difference that I didn't quite understand! Leaving the kids alone with a bottle of schnapps after the initial one would worry me though did that happen?

undercoverPrincess · 08/04/2012 22:28

She should have asked first YANBU

KurriKurri · 08/04/2012 22:31

I don't think the small quantity of alcohol is really the issue here, - its the arrogance of someone thinking that because they don't mind their 13yr old having a shot of schnapps, everyone else will be OK with it too, and anybody who might want to be given some say in the matter is uptight and needs to relax.

As someone has said, some children have medical issues or some particular reason why alcohol would not be a good idea for them to 'try'. Its a parental decision.Would it have killed the woman to have phoned and said 'do you mind if I give DS some alcohol'? then at least Op would have been given the choice of making a decision about her own child.

upahill · 08/04/2012 22:33

1 small shot of schnapps at 13 would seriously not bother me.

if he were getting pissed on vodka and coke I would have an issue but not a shot of peach scnapps. If anything it is likely to put him of alchol for life. It's like Baclofen that stuff!!

squeakytoy · 08/04/2012 22:34

I would expect a 13year old to be aware of any medical conditions they have, and be able to say so to ANYONE offering them a drink.

As I have said, most teens will experiment with drink, without the knowledge or supervision of any adults, and I bet most of you on here did so too.

It is rarely a "parental decision".

EnjoyResponsibly · 08/04/2012 22:39

OP to an extent I can see why you're PO'd, but whilst you're fuming at the mum have you explained why you're so cross to your DS.

Seems to me it's that you weren't there/consulted/discussed it with your DS that's making you really ragey as opposed to the drink itself. But if DS doesn't know why you're cross he might not be so inclined to be so open with you in future.

EgguStudent · 08/04/2012 22:39

A shot of schnapps just seems a bit of a weird choice. I almost think a glass f wine with a meal or a Smirnoff Ice at a party would be mildly more acceptable, although still on the side of unacceptable, IYSWIM.

I mean, who actually has shots of schnapps Confused

nickseasterchick · 08/04/2012 22:42

Eggu now probably isnt the time to mention ds3 was conceived the night I drank shots of archers GrinBlush.

EnjoyResponsibly · 08/04/2012 22:49

Nice job Nick that's definitely going to chillax OP [bugrin]

EgguStudent · 08/04/2012 22:54

nickschick Pleeeeeeeeeeease tell me you called him Archie in recognition!of this delightful fact?! [bugrin]

nickseasterchick · 08/04/2012 23:00

[bugrin] no but wish I did

magicOC · 08/04/2012 23:06

I have a bottle of Peach Schnapps in front of me.

It's 21%

I would be a bit pissed off too.

It tastes like a lovely fruit drink, not at all like alcohol. Which in itself is enough to maybe make him think it tastes nice and maybe have another.

Deed done now though. I would calmly ask your friends to ask you in future .

DesperatelySeekingBunnies · 08/04/2012 23:15

I wouldn't be bothered by one shot of schnapps unless ofcourse my child had some kind of health problem that made any alcohol risky. But then if my child had any kind of serious health problem like that I'd have told the parents of their friend anyway.

If someone got my child pissed at this age I'd go mental, no question. But one measure of schnapps?! I think you're overreacting tbh.

ToBotoxOrNot · 08/04/2012 23:20

a shot is just a thimble-full though isn't it? I remember when I tried it tasted like scented paint-stripper and wasn't something I was in a hurry to try again. Please OP tell us what your impressions of this mother was when you sent your child round there? Did you think she was a lush? Teetotal? Prim and Proper? I'd love to know how her behaviour "fits" with your expectations of her?

ToryLovell · 08/04/2012 23:23

Are you 100% sure of the detail before you react?

WKD blue and Smirnoff Ice seem to be the "in" drinks amongst teens round these parts. DS and his mates wanted to try some at a party we went to. Friends Mum discussed it with us first and we gathered up some empties and diluted one with lemonade and poured it into the empties. The boys got a taste, felt cool with a bottle, but were safely drinking amongst their parents.

Could it be that the other Mum was having a drink and let them have a little taste?

But yes I agree with those that have said I would far rather DS had a try in a family environment rather than necking strongbow / vodka in the park unsupervised like I used to

ToBotoxOrNot · 08/04/2012 23:24

Also, to be fair it sounds like something that deserves an actual conversation rather than an exchange of texts. Hope you can sort it out especially as you say you "know them well" and think they're "lovely".

bejeezus · 08/04/2012 23:24

Don't really have an opinion on the snapps

But am suprised that people are objecting on the grounds that they want their dcs first experience of alcohol to be with them- you'll be lucky! Grin

ChocolatyClare · 08/04/2012 23:29

Nope, it's not on. My DS is 14 - he asked if he and his 3 friends could have a WKD-type thing for his birthday. I discussed with his friends' parents and only after all of them agreed were they allowed one bottle and no more. I would expect the same courtesy in return - I wouldn't have any objections as such, but would want to know.

Tranquilidade · 08/04/2012 23:33

It would have been nice if she had asked but she didn't, so what? He was in a safe environment and it was no big deal.

One of DS's friend's mum got them The Exorcist and a Hallowe'en movie at a sleepover in Y6, scared DS shitless, think the effects of that last longer than a sip of alcohol.

You need to get a sense of perspective before the teenage years.

ChocolatyClare · 08/04/2012 23:40

Don't think it's a lack of perspective if parents want to know if another parent is giving their child alcohol.

Genuine question here - would you feel that it wasn't a biggie if another parent gave your 13 year old a drag of their cigarette?

bejeezus · 08/04/2012 23:44

I think cigarettes are different?

You can drink responsibly and healthily. Not so with smoking

cocoachannel · 08/04/2012 23:47

Would freak about a cigarette.

Peach schnapps, hmm, yes I think I would be annoyed but I'd probably ask the parents in question about it before getting too upset, after all does your thirteen year old really know what constitutes a shot? Could have been a minute sip!

EgguStudent · 08/04/2012 23:48

Would one drag on a cigarette do any more damage than a shot of schnapps though?

I genuinely don't know.