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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be quite [buangry] at another mum

83 replies

Aperolspritzer · 08/04/2012 21:57

My lovely 13yo ds was at a sleepover last night - the mum gave him a SHOT of peach schnapps! I know them well, really lovely family and i'm so disappointed about this, got an apology by text but my ds says she is annoyed 'cos I didnt text her back - to be honest i'm speechless atm.

OP posts:
ChocolatyClare · 08/04/2012 23:49

Yes, of course - in the long run when they become adults that is true. That's not really what I was getting at though, it was more the idea that another parent was offering your child something that was age-inappropriate and that you had no knowledge of it. Would the parents who were happy with that also be happy with their child having a puff of an adult's cigarette - given that neither one puff nor one shot of Schnapps is going to do much harm?

Bessie123 · 08/04/2012 23:52

Jeez, can't believe some people think it's fine to give someone else's 13 year old kid alcohol without discussing it with the parent. That is wrong on a number of levels - op, you should be getting more than a text apology. Sounds like the mum knows she is wrong and doesn't want to apologise face to face.

piprabbit · 08/04/2012 23:57

I can't imagine any circumstances when I would think it a peachy idea to offer a child (not even a teenager) spirits.

So I would be [bushock] to realise that a friend of mine was offering it my child. Why would they? In what possible way is a pre-teen sleepover improved by serving alcohol?
I would be equally shocked if the parents offered my child cigarettes or an 18 certificate film at a sleepover. Not because the child would necessarily be permanently scarred by the experience, more because...well WTF would you think this is OK?

cakeismysaviour · 09/04/2012 00:00

It isn't about the type/quantity of alcohol given,its the fact that this woman took it upon herself to give alcohol at all when she didn't know whether the parents were ok with it.

chewchewmeaw · 09/04/2012 00:03

You're not being unreasonable at all. If someone were to give my 13 years old alcohol, their head would be spinning. A total piss take.

Half of the people on here saying it is not a big deal are probably secret alcoholics - a drink rules them that they can't even see how it is wrong to give somebody else child a drink.

I would go as far as to report her.

ValentineBombshell · 09/04/2012 00:18

Friends have been introducing their 7 & 5 year old to alcohol with meals, not watered down. Keep saying it won't be a mystery to them when they're teenagers which may indeed be so. Unfortunately one of the dcs helped themselves to what was left in the bottle to go with his Wheatos in the morning and parents had a phone call from school to come and collect their unwell dc!

DodieSmith · 09/04/2012 00:20

I think you're overreacting.

iscream · 09/04/2012 01:37

I'd be furious. But it would be illegal to give him booze at his age in Canada. She could be fined up to $2,500.00.

bobbledunk · 09/04/2012 01:41

It wasn't her place to give your thirteen year old alcohol without your consent. Don't allow your child to go to any home where you cannot trust the parents to be respectful of your boundaries. Tell this woman you are pissed and tell her why.

Reallyfaroutlookinghat · 09/04/2012 01:55

I wouldn't be bothered by this. I can see why you are, though.

FondleWithCare · 09/04/2012 07:48

I think it would have been nice for her to ask you and that you should say this to her. I don't think it's a big deal, I actually think it's better to give children small tastes of alcohol so that they don't see it as taboo and something to do down the park with friends. And no I'm not a secret alcoholic Hmm I haven't had a drink in over a year now.

RedHelenB · 09/04/2012 07:59

Step back - at 13 years old it would be my DAUGHTER I would be annoyed with for doing something she knows I would have said no to. Though actually, I wouldn't mind reallyif it was just a taste. I think maybe you need to say no to sleepovers as it is difficult to control what happens as no other parent will see things exactly the same as you do.

Debeez · 09/04/2012 08:24

YANBU.
To give any child alcohol without parental permission is wrong. It should be something you decide when it happens and how it is discussed in terms of safe drinking. Also a shot of hard alcohol? Great first drink! I'd take some comfort from your sons open attitude to you though. That he shared this with you is a good thing and maybe for his sake play it down so he shares with you in the future. Perhaps just follow up with a quiet word in the friends lughole to explain your feelings.

StrandedLindtBunny · 09/04/2012 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlpinePony · 09/04/2012 08:34

Yanbu! Phone NHS direct immediately to ask their advice and get your name on the liver transport list!

LetsKateWin · 09/04/2012 08:39

I think she should've asked you first.

We used to raid the drinks cabinet and mix all the spirits together in one bottle, but I still wouldn't be happy if another parent assumed they could give my 13 to alcohol without checking with me. I wouldn't let it ruin a friendship though.

LetsKateWin · 09/04/2012 08:39

Alcohol to

McFluffster · 09/04/2012 08:44

I wouldn't lose sleep over a shot of Schnapps to be honest. Absinthe maybe... Grin

Megatron · 09/04/2012 08:46

I would not dream of giving someone else's 13 year old a shot or any other alcohol. I may give it to my own, but certainly not to someone else's child. Why would anyone think that's acceptable?

Tiptoptoe · 09/04/2012 08:49

I think its exactly THAT attitude that causes problems with alcohol tbh. Feeding kids drinks at 13 like its no big deal is teaching them that its a huge part of life and you cant have fun without it. I tend to think its like most things with kids. If its normal in the home, kids will think its normal. Lead by example and all that.

OP stand your ground if you are not ok with it or you will be teaching your child that you have opinions and rules that you are prepared to change any time a "sticky" situation arises.

skrumle · 09/04/2012 08:58

i would NOT be happy! YANBU.

and i'm afraid i have no sympathy with the "but in europe" type argument. we don't live in europe, we're in the UK and drinking has a completely different culture here... www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/8842409/Two-thirds-of-drunk-teenagers-given-alcohol-by-parents.html

marathonrunner · 09/04/2012 09:10

I wouldn't be bothered by one shot. The fact that he told you about it shows that it probably was only one shot rather than loads and loads of alcohol. It's not as though he felt he had to hide anything from you. I'd be more annoyed if she was handing round cigarettes.

iscream · 09/04/2012 09:54

My parents didn't drink, but I didn't rush out drinking. Hardly any of my friends parents drank and only one ever offered their daughter wine. I am not sure that not allowing it while your kid is under age is a guarantee they will become a big drinker as a teenager.
I am no expert, but that is what I find.

zookeeper · 09/04/2012 10:14

I think you are overreacting massively. No wonder we're a nation of drunks.

zookeeper · 09/04/2012 10:16

had it been a cigarette mind you I would have been incandescent with rage. Grin