To think unless you have children you have no idea the realities of having children

[McHappyPants2012]

There is a women who has no children in work, never wanted children and she is 55 so very unlikely to have them.

She always says if I had dc then they wouldn't be getting up in the night. ( people are saying I look tired in work) also when I rant about the dc she always has an appinon.

YANBU, but - if you're ranting to her about your DCs, she does have a right to an opinion.

I can say, hand on heart that I had no idea what having children was really like. There is nothing on earth that can prepare you. I know that sounds like a crappy thing to say and I rolled my eyes when people said it to me, particularly when I was pregnant but wow, it was a shock. I thought I was prepared. [gein]

I'm reading a parenting type just now. The opening line is: "I was a wonderful parent before I had children".

Try tolerate it roll off you. Some people just love to comment.

*type book

Erm, I have no children nor any plans to have children but I understand the realities of having children completely- I'm a nanny, have done live-in for families including during pregnancy, birth and the first few months. Worked in schools , nurseries, holiday clubs and creches, private homes in 3 different countries.

Lumping every person not to have had children in one group and saying they have no idea about children based on one experience? YABU.

I thought after co-parenting DSD since the age of 2.5 I would have some kind of clue what having babies and kids was like. (She was 10 when dd1 was born). I didn't and it was a massive shock!

Jane I am not ranting to her, just when the topic of children come up at break.

you don't get a personality transplant alongside every child birth

Yes some childless people have no idea of the reality of having children but some have a very good idea. Also some people with children are unable to see anything from anyone elses point of view and so will also have no idea of the reality of life for other people wtih children.

The point I'm trying to make is it is a personality thing and not something to do with whether they have children or not. Some people are just convinced they are an expert on every subject and situation regardless of the reality.

Some people with children could say that their children wouldn't be getting up in the night. They might have Different Experiences to yours.

Before I had children I thought that if you woke them up nice and early, about 7ish say, and didn't let them sleep in the day, they would be nice and tired at a child's bed time of, say, 7pm . I also thought if they weren't allowed to eat between meals, meal times would never be a problem .

I also thought teenagers who knew boundaries and were allowed a reasonable degree of freedom and who had enough but were never spoilt would not be rude or rebellious

And, I thought that to look after my children properly I would be a proper full time mummy and stay at home and be a house wife and mummy until they left home and would never work again. Went back to work to save my sanity when dd was settled in reception.

Magic lesson - never criticise any one else's children or parenting skills because in reality you never know what your own will do.

I have met over the years people with children who go on about what they would and would not do and criticisie other parents.

I've never commented on how my friends bring up their children, but we know a lot of families, and a lot of children, and it's very easy to spot the ones who are good at parenting, and to see the mistakes that are being made by those who aren't.

It's rather like being a management consultant - the people in the situation lack the insight into the situation because they're in the thick of it, and just trying to cope, and can't see the wood for the trees.

Whenever I watch Supernanny, I see simple management strategy being implemented. The parents - however goodhearted - just can't see the problem in front of them, but it's transparently obvious to outsiders, including those telly viewers who don't have children.

maybe people without kids get fed up hearing about child related topics

im a parent of three and even i get fed up with it

everybody judges and has an opinion about things they havent experienced etc etc,thats life im afraid

Supernanny is edited to make it look transparently obvious, and as with all reality tv shows, when the people in the show tell their own stories it turns out the reality is not that simple.

It's irritating. Because everyone has been a child, everyone thinks they know what parenting must be like. It's the same with teaching - everyone has been to school so everyone is terribly knowledgeable about it without actually having a bloody clue about what's involved.

Nobody wants to hear you "ranting about the dcs". Not even other parents. It's damn tiresome.

I agree with Scarlet.

I certainly had no idea, but my sister who doesn't have children of her own has a very clear picture of life with a baby now, so on that basis YABU!

Sorry OP, but if you complain about your DCs, then others will offer advice.

YANBU

However, I never moan about anything to do with children or parenting with colleagues without children. I don't think they really care TBH.

No I dont think anyone can, even nanny's, childminders, or any non parent professional, as at the end of the day, you don't have a legal obligation, or PR to the child, nor do you have to make sure that child's needs are met 24/7, even if that means making sure there is tea on the table and a roof over their head, or deal with the working/sick child/any child issues etc....

The child is ultimately your responsibility, that's not to say non parents opinion is welcome or needed, but at the end of the day you can go home and have "free time" or deal with their own lives, that need attention. The little person is always dependant on you, or another adult, till the parent or guardian comes home.

However being a non parent isn't easier, they have their own commitments, and its not a competition as to whose life is harder, its just life, whether you're a parent or not.

Hmm, difficult. I have never been Prime Minister, but that doesn't stop me criticising/ having an opinion on the current one!

I'll admit, a lot of my thinking about how having children would be did change after having my own, but that doesn't mean people without children can't have an opinion on how they would intend to proceed if they did have children. I have some friends without children whose opinions would matter to me, and have listened politely (laughing in my head) to strangers in the street whose opinions mean diddly squat to me.

Don't let it get to you. But at the same time remember that not everyone who has children has the same experience! My mum had me (and I was, er, challenging, apparently ) and my aunt had my Perfect Cousin. She had plenty to say to my mum about what she "should" be doing. Then she had her 2nd......hehehehe - different kettle of fish altogether! So sometimes people WITH children can actually be worse than people without, IMO!

I do listen to other people in work, like there holidays or garden projects, night out and every other topics that are discussed. I only talk about the children when people ask me.

My life is boring and all I have to talk about really is my kids. When people talk about themselves I do join in by asking about there holidays or how's the garden coming along ect.

I suppose everyone is entitled to there oppinon