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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think unless you have children you have no idea the realities of having children

98 replies

McHappyPants2012 · 05/04/2012 21:53

There is a women who has no children in work, never wanted children and she is 55 so very unlikely to have them.

She always says if I had dc then they wouldn't be getting up in the night. ( people are saying I look tired in work) also when I rant about the dc she always has an appinon.

OP posts:
mayorquimby · 05/04/2012 22:38

Why the fuck would they, stop boring/talking to childless people about your children if it pisses you off when they express their opinion.
The vast majority of people have fuck all clue about politics/economics/global warming/every other topic people disuss, doesn't stop them talking about them.

Aribura · 05/04/2012 22:44

"No-one knows what life is like without children if they have them. As in, what is it like to grow old with no children and no wider family. I can't imagine living like that."

The last sentence is just gross. If the woman doesn't want children then she can't "imagine living like that" about your life. She doesn't need your pity.

MaryZ · 05/04/2012 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NurseJennyLee · 05/04/2012 22:50

Working relationships generally dictate that conversation should be kept fluffy and lighthearted, holidays and gardens are such. Ranting about dc, (unless you are very good friends) nobody wants to hear that.

Aribura · 05/04/2012 22:57

I meant that it's gross to imply living a childfree life is somehow inferior ( "can't imagine living like that")

MaryZ · 05/04/2012 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
McHappyPants2012 · 05/04/2012 23:13

If people ask why am I so tired what am I suppose to say.
When I say ranting, it normally oh the kids kept me awake again last night. If people are asking me then I will tell them the truth.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 05/04/2012 23:20

I think there are many realities to having children, like everything else in life. Apart from the first 8 months I was rarely up with my kids. We were strict though and as teenagers they still go to bed when they are told to, other people parent differently.
I see no reason that a childless person can't comment on parenting techniques. Some childless people may have more experience of dealing with a range of childhood experiences eg nannies than some parents.
Other people's children are boring though.

MaryZ · 05/04/2012 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lostboysfallin · 05/04/2012 23:29

yeah yeah, some children are just so good, and aren't a bit of trouble.

OP, I know what you mean, and I think there are a lot of childless people out there that would do it all perfectly.

YANBU, some of them haven't got the first idea, even if they have nieces, nephews, godchildren, blah, blah. they have not parented, and that's the difference

Obviously that doesn't mean that they can't comment and have opinions, but if they think they "know" what it's like, they don't

MaryZ · 05/04/2012 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TidyDancer · 05/04/2012 23:52

Generally speaking, I think YABU. Some of my childless friends offer the best perspective on any issues I have with my DC and they are the most caring and cuddly 'aunts' and 'uncles' I could wish for my two to have.

If you're asking if they know what it's like to go through the reality of everyday parenting, of course that's highly unlikely. But do they have an idea of the reality of having children? Yes, I'm quite sure that many of them do.

Heswall · 05/04/2012 23:53

My advice is don't moan to anyone about anything. You don't feel better for it and it always bites you on the arse.

hardboiledpossum · 05/04/2012 23:57

ScarfOfSexualPreference I worked in childcare for years before having my DS, including working as a nanny and maternity nurse. I thought after working 24hrs a day 6 days a week with a newborn baby I'd know it all. I didn't! I honestly think it is completely different when they're your own.

ilovesooty · 06/04/2012 00:23

I think MaryZ makes a good point. Is your tiredness affecting your performance at work and is it impacting on others?

Doitnicelyplease · 06/04/2012 00:35

Agree with Hardboiled, I have been a nanny (long time ago) and I have a friend who spent many years as nanny and baby nurse and we both agree was ultimately nothing like having your own children.

But as anything people are entitled to their opinion, so if I was OP I would just nod and smile. Do agree you probably shouldn't 'rant' about your children at work though, unless it is with a particularly sensitive colleague who is in the same boat as you.

Proudnscary · 06/04/2012 02:57

Maybe she's bored of you going on about your dc and how tired you are?

Saying irritating things in response is probably her revenge.

HateBeingCantDoUpMyJeans · 06/04/2012 03:05

Just reply that if it were tgat easy yours would sleep through oh no I forgot I like getting no sleep.

Original poster
McHappyPants2012 · 06/04/2012 09:57

I only talk during break, my work is not effected or my boss would of said something by now.

I think I will just not mention my kids around her

OP posts:
sairygamp · 06/04/2012 10:04

My eldest dd was very small at birth and she and I spent three weeks in hospital. The night we got home, ex-h said 'I think we should set the alarm for 2am so we can get up and feed her'. How I laughed Hmm

Whatmeworry · 06/04/2012 10:05

I think I will just not mention my kids around her

Good plan.

asiatic · 06/04/2012 10:07

Nothing about having children surprised me, I knew what to expect. I was repeatedly told I would be in for a shock, and I waited for the shock, but it never came.

Indith · 06/04/2012 10:09

People will always have opinions.

My childless sister once started telling me how if I got myself into a routine of doing housework I'd find it easier. At the time I was surrounded by washing up and general mess and cradling my newborn. She was right of course but what she didn't and will never understand was hst I didn't care about the mess. I didn't want to put my baby down for 30 mins as he slept because I didn't want to miss a single moment.

feelingdizzy · 06/04/2012 11:51

For me, I did know the realities of looking after kids I have 5 younger brothers,one of which has downs syndrome so I spent a lot of time looking after them.
I have been a lone parent since my kids were both under 2,so have spent a lot of time being responsible,my pre child experience helped with this. As i think as modern parents we are likely to make child rearing a much more intensive process then it used to be,and childless friends can probably look to their own childhood and struggle why we make such a big deal of things.
Basically I did lots of it when I was a kid,they turned out mostly fine, so I reckon if a 12 year old me could do it, the 37 year old definitely can.
Not advocating child labour ,more the fact that some off us( me included) often stress and moan and worry about things that wouldn't have crossed pur parents minds and thatpeople without children can often have a more diospassionate view of the whole process which can be useful when we are tying ourselves up in knots about the latest parenting crisis,which nearly all pass as quickly as they arrive.

slipperandpjsmum · 06/04/2012 12:09

I was a nanny before I had children but it wasn't the same as having my own. For example I did not feel as if my heart was about to burst when I went to the nativity at nursery or school, as I do now or the sheer fear when they are ill in the middle of the night and you start to think it might be really serious.

I find the majority of people who do not have children are clueless to the reality of it. My BIL keeps saying how tired he and his wife are, they do not have children. However, I used to get tired before having children but those sleepless nights give a whole new meaning to being tired. They have a late night - they sleep in till 2pm. We have a late night and we are still up at 6am!!