To think unless you have children you have no idea the realities of having children

[McHappyPants2012]

There is a women who has no children in work, never wanted children and she is 55 so very unlikely to have them.

She always says if I had dc then they wouldn't be getting up in the night. ( people are saying I look tired in work) also when I rant about the dc she always has an appinon.

I think before you have children you have ideals about how things will be, but it's only with each child that you realise those ideals won't always work.

Even when you have children those ideals continue, Ds is only 2.5 so I have idealistic views of how things will be as he gets older - deep down I know chances are that won't happen!

As long as your realistic when you have children and you don't judge others based on your ideals (unless they are harming children of course) then I don't see the problem.

MY half-brother was the FIRST PERSON to ever have children. No really . Or perhaps I should say- the FIRST PERSON to ever do it PROPERLY. He had always been slightly intolerant- but once his two kids came along- evrything other people did- letting their kids watch telly, eating sweets, not sleeping- was all wrong. If any of his friend's children played up, he'd be rolling his eyes going 'Well, what do you expect???'.
And if you didn't have children- any attempts to speak about TV, books, music, politics- 'Yes, I USED to be interested in that- but then I learnt there are more important things in life' [smug smile]

but even people with children have no ideas of the realities of having your children. I think it's more about an individual's level of empathy than whether or not they have children. The woman in question sounds a bit lacking in empathy and sensitivity IMO - someone who's finding something challenging (whether related to children or not) does not want to hear "oh if it was me it wouldn't be like that."

YANBU. But then I secretly think this about everyone who doesn't have twins.

Luck LeQ, luck.

Luck or controlled crying, LeQueen?

(I had neither)

It does sound a bit sad that you say that your life is boring and you have nothing else to talk about-

It doesn't stop you from having an opinion but of course you can never fully understand unless you have your own. Yes it is very easy to pass judgement when you are not in that position but it doesn't mean that persons opinion has no validity. Some people are experts in child development, or are professional nannies so they problaly have a very valid point of view for example.

I tend to find that the people who get most uppity is when the person with the opinion doesn't agree with them or they feel judged or critiscised - maybe just don't complain about your LO's to her if it is making you feel bad. If YOU think her opinion is invalid for your circumstances then just ignore it.

There are many ways to parents and no one has all the answers

Well I don't like the ones who end their account of a weekly overnight having the nephews with "but at least I get to hand them back ...". It is during the rest of the bloody time that the parenting happens. What they see is an unrepresentative little chunk of it

Nobody really knows what it's like to live someone else's life. I have heard people who have had children themselves be very judgmental about other people's parenting. I think people without children are perfectly entitled to express views and have opinions and a lot of them talk a lot of sense (and some of them don't). I think the title of this thread is very sweeping and really generalises to an unfair degree.

Ha! I had no idea whatsoever what I was letting myself in for. I keep wailing to my mum "why didn't you warn me???" and she says she tried...

Having said that I never had any "views" about it before I had my own, this woman does sound annoying.

Also don't see why you shouldn't talk about your children at work. People talk about their sex lives, their ingrowing toenails, their prolonged car purchase decisions, their financial situations, what they had for dinner, where their partner likes to go shopping, which exact hotel they are going to book for next year (maybe, or maybe this other one, or this one), what they think about that new bloke in accounts whose trousers are too tight, who is going to win the X factor and what they will buy if they win the lottery. At length. I see no reason for people with children to pretend they haven't got them and put this one subject off limits.

I have a colleague who doesn't have and doesn't want children. Therefore i don't talk to her about mine, as I know she would be bored shitless (as I am when she goes on about her cats ).

Rant to someone else, I say

She may not know but not all people without children are clueless. I used to run a nursery and was a live in nanny but had to 'prove' to parents when I started teaching that I understood children and being a parent as many would say 'well you wouldn't understand what it is like when...'
Yes I have more sleepless nights since having DS but I knew what sleepless nights etc were like. Not everyone likes hearing about peoples kids and adults who are not parents often feel that kids are used as an easy excuse for lapses of concentration at work etc.

See, that kind of irritates- the idea that only people with children understand the true meaning of tiredness!

My first dd was a terrible sleeper, and yes, I spent many horrible tired nights trying to settle her.

BUT long before I had dd1 I was a large animal vet. And I can tell you now that getting up, stumbling to the next room and sticking a baby on your boob is far easier (and, dare I say, less tiring?) than answering the phone at 2am, getting up, getting dressed, driving miles in freezing fog, stripping off, spending an hour and a half trying with all your might to calve a cow, finally managing, washing yourself off in freezing water, driving home, falling into bed (with aching arms and afterbirth hanging from your ear), only to be called out again 20 mins later, then by the time you get home it's time to shower and get to work.

Now, obviously I'm not suggesting your colleague is moonlighting calving cows (or maybe she is- who knows!), but being tired/ having sleepless nights is NOT just a parent's prerogative!!

Ah but Jooly, vets can phone in sick, take leave, refuse certain patients and get paid to do it... Just saying

There is a very annoying childless woman who I work with who has endless opinions on how to parent correctly and I frequently want to tell her to piss off.
Particularly when she was advising me to smack my 1 year old as a method of discipline.

What so if she had children they wouldn't get up in the night? what about newborns?.

daft cow.

not all childless people are like that I dare say she'd be just as ignorant then.

Yanbu, and all children are very different too so you never really know what others experience.

I think you are being unreasonable and very patronising with your view point (not necessarily of your colleague).

People arnt stupid or naive , they do have empathy , and understanding . If you say this about having children , then you would have to say this about all other situations you have not directly experienced . Give people more credit . Being a parent isn't a members only mystical club .