Christmas 2010 we went to the PIL a 5 hour drive away. This way my idea. Things have often been fraught between me and MIL but I was trying to please.
So we arrived to find them out. We had travelled 5 hours in a car with lots of luggage/presents a 3 and 4 year old. NIGHTMARE.
They were busy so we settled ourselves in our hotel. Hotel was necessary - as staying at theirs was too much trouble. Their words.
We let the kids run riot and burn off some energy. Much needed and then we make our way to PIL home.
Was nice. OK.
Then back to hotel to get ready for Christmas day. I decorated the soulless hotel room with a tree and stockings (for Santa to find) and more... then we went to bed.
Of course, sleep, stockings prepared and delivered and then at the usual 5.30am kids awake and of we go......
We had been told the the day before that we couldn't arrive to PIL until after 11.30am. So we made the first 6 hours in a hotel room as fun as possible with the kids.... they are still 3 and 4 years old.... It was pretty shitty really.....
We arrive at PIL and have a jolly enough time of it. We are all making an effort. Its ok. Christmas dinner is late IMO for small kids as it always is. It was 4.30pm before we ate. The boys were over it by then. One ate a bit the other didnt. The littler one was already showing worrying signs of over tiredness.
I have to say they behaved beautifully up until this point. I was very proud.
We (me and hub) ate (in a hurry) and then little one (aged 3) started shouting. I couldn't placate him and I tried every trick in the book. We eventually had to leave. Bath, bed, story etc was much needed.....
He had been up for over 12 hours and was hot tired. Something, I didnt know what, was wrong with him and I knew we had to get him to bed. Routine etc.
It was a 15 min walk to the hotel room in the snow.
We started to leave. Coat alll the rest etc.... while PIL etc were still eating cheese and drinking coffee after Crimbo dinner.
MIL came in and I was on my knees trying to get coat on 3 year old... She just kept repeating (bearing down over me) that we couldnt leave and had to stay as there were more presents to unwrap. I said that we had to go (coudnt she SEE?) and that she wouldn have to be up all night with little one?
We had to 'just leave' my boy was screaming.....
She told me that I just had to leave him to cry....? We dont do that in my house. My children are 11 months apart and when they cry - we go to them....!
We left. It was awful. Little one up all night with a fever... no calpol, no thermoter, no hotel staff just me and my hand on forehead and no sleep....
We went back Boxing Day. SCREAMING ABUSE. CHILDREN SCARED SHITLESS, SO WAS I. SCREAMING, SPITTING, OBSENITIES. Awful.
It took me six months to stop my 4 year old from asking why Daddy is a BLOODY SHIT!!!!
We had upset her because we left early. No consideration for her efforts over Christmas etc etc. FYI. Christmas dinner was reheated and not cooked. Pre preared roast potatoes (the best kind not Aunt Bessies) and all the rest pre prepared too....Not that much effort IMO.
Hub is really upset that they have behaved this way but undersatnds that this is normal behaviour for her.
I am expecect to brush under the carpet.
I was badly absused by MIL 40 hours after giving birth and cant brush this under the carpet again.
Kind of feel like we should split up.... Me and hub.
Sad. :O( Confused....
Thanks for listening. Any help/advice gratefully received. I want to leave Hub even tho I love him so I can be free of the last 18 months of hell Ive been in...... :(
x
AIBU?
Help with MIL problem....
ilovemyelectricblanket · 05/04/2012 21:20
Cook - its not extreme, I have been in a similar situation and people like this can cause emotional devastation and untold stress
Eglu - that's exactly what I went through with my DP, he wouldn't back me up when I stood up for myself to her, just told me not to speak to his mum like that 
. DP had counselling and it really helped :)
Completely understand your situation as my pil are like this.
Its always their way or the highway-they will never change
Fil ruined my mothers day by turning up at my house shouting obscenties at my H because he assumed we hadnt got mil a present.(we had got one)
He swore, shouted, spat moaned flowers and chocs wont cut it and said my H treats his mother badly which is not true, then he went on to say he doesnt care if he ever sees his grandkids again !-the thing was the whole time he was ranting my H was standing with the present ready to take to her which was a ds game!!
He promptly sped of after scaring all my dcs half to death with his lunacy.
He has still not apolgised and my pil are expecting us round their house saturday for an easter egg hunt with dcs, cousins and various other family inlaw! -im goin for my H but im dreading it as mil will prob stick up for fil if he rants again.
Considering fil said he never wants to see his grankids again i dont see why we have to go but H has been nagged and guiltripped into going by mil & sil
Easy to say when you're looking from the outside in, but I simply cannot understand why you or your DH would want any of his family in your lives? Your DH has been conditioned over the years you absolutely MUST sever ties now before you go the same way & your DC continue living with this sorry cycle of abuse
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