to think it's impossible to have a twelve year old daughter with whom you've never had an argument?

[lottielou39]

A presenter on Loose Women today said that she'd never ever had an argument with her twelve year old daughter. Another presenter said the same thing about her 23 year old daughter. Admittedly their daughters are 'onlys' (and nowt wrong with that) so perhaps the presence of siblings is what makes kids argumentative? I just couldn't believe it. I was gobsmacked. Never argued? Never once, in 12/23 long years of having a daughter, that most argumentative of species?
I've got a 12 year old daughter (she has two siblings) and a week doesn't go by without a spat or two. On her own she's lovely though and very easy to manage. Obviously that's where I'm going wrong. An only child=no arguments.
Is it possible to have never had an argument with one of your kids?

Yes, if you never argue then you are either a pushover or a dictator mum!

I am weirded out by all the people who think an argument means a fight and raised voices! Have you not yourselves been taught to argue during your education by your teachers and lecturers, and then expected to argue in your professional life as part of doing a good job? Isn't it these skills we try to impart to our daughters?

This is all very interesting.

DD (16) and I have disagreed but never argued/fought in a verbally aggressive manner.

Does this mean I run a dictatorship?
Does it mean I am not a proper mum?
Am I not teaching her a way of them finding out how to handle conflict in a safe environment?

We would both need to change our personalities to introduce this kind of conflict into our relationship!

When she was much younger - 3- we stayed with a friend who was (still is) very shouty with her DD. My DD cried everytime my friend shouted. My friend told me that I needed to shout at her to toughen her up. I just see this approach as very alien.

EFA I think everyone recognises that an argument doesn't mean a fight and raised voices but I think it is what the OP meant in this instance.

DD is only 6 and has always been quite obedient, but we do argue. Often. I am not remotely concerned by this, I think it's normal.

My mum and I used to argue a lot too, still do sometimes. But I reckon we are much closer than lots of my friends are to their mothers, some of whom wouldn't dream of arguing.

It's not a reflection on the relationship IMO. At least, not a negative reflection. Interestingly, dd never argues with her dad but isn't as emotionally close to him either. I think she argues with me because she knows that she can, and it won't change a thing.

I have a 12 year old daughter and we don't argue. But i will say that dd is a very quiet person and always has been, a bit like me. No siblings either.Next door has a 13 year old daughter and two brothers. They all argue like cat and dog but then again the mother is a bit neurotic in my opinion.

I only have an almost-five year old DS so I don't know.

I was fine at 12.

I was a stroppy little cow at 13 though.

I believe it is about personality.

I am quite fiery now, but as a child and teen, I never argued with my mum. My sister, however...

DS1, 10.5, would argue with himself if possible. Ever since he could talk, he has been pretty argumentative. Now he is a pre-teen, he has become more shouty. We just send him to his room or remove things, and you can still hear him trying to get the last word . Sometimes I don't take the bait, other times I do, but I am getting better at ignoring him when he starts.

DS2, 6, is a different kettle of fish. Hates shouting or arguing, although will stick up for himself when needs to, has always been the quieter one and is very complaint. DS3, 5, will try his luck, but gets short shrift, so understands what is expected of him quickly .

Just to add, both DDs have had plenty of arguments with XH.

Back to the definintion thing........to argue can mean to discuss your point of view and have that view accepted. However in the OP I do think the definition they were talking about is arguing in the shouting, getting veryu annoyed kind of way.

If we take it in this context then I still can't understand why any adult would actively argue with a child! I just can't understand how it can be at all healthy to be having this kind of agrgument with a child of any age.......far less a cgild of 3!!

Healthy discussions, differences of opinion and how these can be constructively worked out and negotiated should IMO be actively encouraged in children of all ages and provides them with vital life skills. However I don't feel that teaching a child to argue in the loud, shouty, angry type of way is a life skill that would benefit them at all. In fact it could actually put them at a disadvantage if they are not able to remain calm, discuss and negotiate. Just my opinion and certainly what I will be aiming for in our home is lots of discussion, and negotiation and definitely not proper arguing with anyone!!

Ooops, excuse the typos pls :)

gettinghappy, in my home, we have healthy discussions, reasoned debates as well. I don't think in most homes, it is a constant stream of raised voices/shouting all day every day.

A presenter on Loose Women today said that she'd never ever had an argument with her twelve year old daughter.

She's either lying or her parenting style would make prison camp guards queasy.

Nope never argued with my kids (21 & 10) ...yes we discuss issues and compromise but never argue ...actually i find it odd that anyone would 'argue' with a child (or an adult for that matter).

Rubbish Whatme, in most instances it's purely down to personalities. I am ridiculously non confrontational in RL, to my detriment. But I don't have to confront my DDs, or argue with them, we discuss things in this house. I listen to them, they listen to me, the best way is the way we go, whether it's their's or mine.

They tend to be right a lot, they have better people skills than me - I listen to them. Factually, I tend to be right, so they listen to me.

If you let your teens do what they want when they want to then of course you will never have a argument

I am quite shouty, when goaded, and ds will argue til the cows come home. That boy has stamina.
My whole family is argumentative.
I am trying to argue less with ds (he is 5!) in the sense that he will argue and I will refuse to rise to the bait. I am getting better at this.
I do have a friend who I am sure will never have arguments with her daughters. She is quietly steely, and by all accounts really quite scary, whereas I am shouty but ds is not remotely scared of me!

I don't let my teens do as they please, far from it. We all muck in in this house and help each other. It's a happy, well organised and well run house because we all contribute and take responsibility.

I've never had an argument with my 14 year old dd. She's always in a good mood and isn't easily annoyed.
On the other hand my 11 year old dd is quite the little diva!!

I remember those happy days when DD was 9.

Now she is 12 and a walking attitude.

But she is still lovely [bugrin]

I've never really argued with my mum - I'm 25 years old and the 4th oldest of 10 children. But she argued a lot with my two older sisters.

Eggsits, so funny re leaving home, I guess these presenters have lots of cash to spend on their dds so lots of arguments saved there.

Also guess its the cleaner who tidies their rooms not mum and does all the usual daily grinding chores.

If all I had to do with my dd was shop, holiday and fun stuff then we wouldn't row either as 'no you cant have 10 tops from River Island!!'

I'm very confused about all these non-arguers.

Have your children never insisted upon something that isn't true?

Have you never told them off and they've answered back or expressed anger or disagreed verbally? Isn't that an argument?

Have your DCs never been angry with you and/or challenged a decision or rule?

To me it's just one step from a telling off to an argument - it all depends on how your DC reacts.

I am saying that as a mother of a 5 year old very argumentative DD.