to think it's impossible to have a twelve year old daughter with whom you've never had an argument?

[lottielou39]

A presenter on Loose Women today said that she'd never ever had an argument with her twelve year old daughter. Another presenter said the same thing about her 23 year old daughter. Admittedly their daughters are 'onlys' (and nowt wrong with that) so perhaps the presence of siblings is what makes kids argumentative? I just couldn't believe it. I was gobsmacked. Never argued? Never once, in 12/23 long years of having a daughter, that most argumentative of species?
I've got a 12 year old daughter (she has two siblings) and a week doesn't go by without a spat or two. On her own she's lovely though and very easy to manage. Obviously that's where I'm going wrong. An only child=no arguments.
Is it possible to have never had an argument with one of your kids?

To argue can mean to put the other side not just to scream and shout. I think this is definitely one for the differing definitions

Don't get me wrong, we do disagree with each other about stuff but one of us always compromises.

I never had an argument with my mum til
I was
Older than 12

I was an 'only' too...

My mum is my best friend.
Which is both lovely and pathetic all at the same time lol

My DS is 12 yo and we never argue because that would involve him listening to me and communicating with me. Little swine, but quiet life.

DD is nearly 10 so maybe I've got that to come. She is quite single minded though.

I need to hear from some more parents of argumentative horrors darlings, so I can feel better about myself and like I'm not the only one with shouty kids

I have never had an argument with DD2, she's 17½ now. Had a couple of minors with DD1 and DS, but not what I would define as earth shattering rows, more disagreements that last all of 5 minutes until they realise there is no point

DD3 is 3, so not yet, but she is showing promising signs of being my most argumentative child...

surely a lack of conflict of any kind is odd - like a dictatorship? my dd is 6 and we argue all the bloody time she's always right, i'm always right

I find it very weird, I do. I remember reading an essay by some psychologist or other who said it's natural for teenagers to rebel and argue, it's their way of pulling apart from their parents and developing their own identity.

Oh crikey I nag - usual shit, clean your room, pick up your crap lying around, wash up blah blah, but no, we don't have screaming rows. Never have had.

Lottie I agree. Ive read quite a bit of research that says especially in the case of mothers and daughters arguing is an essential part of establishing the childs own identity. Its a way of them finding out how to handle conflict in a safe environment where they know they will always be loved and its okay for them to learn how to handle their feelings and emotions.

This does not mean that downright rudeness should be tolerated - but it does mean its normal for them to argue with you, and in fact a healthy part of the process of becoming an adult.

The important part is remembering to have a good resolution to an argument.

I do think that some of the "we never fight" on this thread is more to do with what you would interpret as a "fight" - the word can be very emotive.

DD1 could start a fight in an empty room - we have always argued with a spectacular peak between 15 and 17. She is nearly 21 now and mostly argues with her boyfriend instead now. I very very rarely argue with DD2 and DS as they have very different personalities.

I would term a fight as anything with raised voices, swearing at each other, disrespecting each other, banging doors or furniture or somehow trying to belittle or put down the other person.

It must be a load of rubbish - I've a 5 year old DS who is an only and we argue all the time, I dread him becoming a teenager!

The difference is that some people can disagree without shouting and others feel they are only getting their point across if they raise their voice.

I think it's weird that people expect all kids to be the same and so don't believe it when others say their dc are different. Some people just aren't shouty, some dc aren't shouty. Some dc are shouty because that's what they've learnt from their parents.

I have no idea if things will be different as my dh get older. My eldest is just 13 so there is a lot of time for things to change. Dc3 is just 2 and has the devil in her so I might be here in 10 years saying the comete opposite.

dd is 10 and we have never had a fight or an argument. if we disagree about something in our household we discuss it and come to a compromise that everyone is happy with. we are a team and work together to try to ensure we all have a happy life.

we have always had this approach and i can honestly count on one hand the number of times dd has thrown a tantrum in her life, and they were all before the age of 5ish (and all triggered because she was tired) and since then we just discuss anything that we disagree about.

I never argued with my mother either, and I was an only child of a single mother, so that supports the idea that it's more common with onlies. However, a lot is down to personality- I'm a very non-shouty bookworm and always have been, and hate hate hate any conflict.

In my teens, I'd say we'd have 'spats' maybe a few times a year, but generally about the stupid things (one year it was accidentally dribbling olive oil over the carpet from the bag of recycling I was taking out on Xmas morning !) which would result in half an hour of huffing and then apologies and more often than not cracking open the gin.
The fact I can remember specific ones probably best demonstrates how rare they were.

I have had one proper argument with each parent, when in my mid/late teens, and in both cases (this will sound weird, but both parents did later agree) it was me pulling them up on their behaviour.

am genuinely shocked at the number of you who've never argued with your parents or kids. Very very shocked. Clearly my parenting techniques are shit!

I think it depends on the personalities. Both the DDs and I are not argumentative, and they are both very easy going people. We simply don't row, we'll have differences of opinion, but we all tend to listen to each other and raised voices are rare.

My DD1 will be 13 next month and both she and I are sitting here wracking our brains trying to think if we've ever argued. Neither of us can think of even a single time. Frankly, I don't argue with my DD2 who is almost 10 either.

Please don't ask about DSs who are 15 and 16 though. Different personalities altogether.

Lottie I still think its about definition. I would class screaming and shouting a fight. I would call debating something an argument. I don't think arguments Re necessarily a bad thing. But I can see from this other people have other definitions

I took it to mean that they had never had any real hum dingers of rows with their DDs.

I can honestly say that I haven't with either of my DSes. DH has, but then he is incapable of having a discussion without raising his voice ifme, the DSes or another family member disagrees with him. Perhaps it is because he is in the Forces, I don't know.

My Sis and I had horrible shouting matches with my mother, but I can't remember my brother having the same, but then she did favour him.

I am glad that my DC and I are able to sort out our differences without screaming and shouting at each other.

Dd1(13) and I have genuinely never had an argument. She's really very easy going, there just hasn't ever been anything at all to argue about. Dd2 (3) on the other hand argues with me daily, several times. In fact, she wakes up arguing with me . I do think it's all about personalities and how two people fit.
I'm 38 and I've never argued with my mother. My Dsis however is much more confrontational and I recall many a shouty argument between her and DM over the years. They still argue in fact, and dsis is 42.

I never argued with my Mum until I was about sixteen, before that I went to boarding school!

I think my first argument with my mother was when I was 19. I was terrified of her. If she told me to put my hand in the fire I wouldn't have dared contradict her.

Which would you rather be OP, a terrifying dictator or a propper mum?