to think it's impossible to have a twelve year old daughter with whom you've never had an argument?

[lottielou39]

A presenter on Loose Women today said that she'd never ever had an argument with her twelve year old daughter. Another presenter said the same thing about her 23 year old daughter. Admittedly their daughters are 'onlys' (and nowt wrong with that) so perhaps the presence of siblings is what makes kids argumentative? I just couldn't believe it. I was gobsmacked. Never argued? Never once, in 12/23 long years of having a daughter, that most argumentative of species?
I've got a 12 year old daughter (she has two siblings) and a week doesn't go by without a spat or two. On her own she's lovely though and very easy to manage. Obviously that's where I'm going wrong. An only child=no arguments.
Is it possible to have never had an argument with one of your kids?

I've never had a row with DD (12, 13 next week!)
I've raised my voice at her, yes. But she doesn't argue back (yet) does stomp to her room though
DD is really 'gentle' and hates confrontation.

DS (5) on the other hand, always tries to get the last word, and I argue with him plenty.

Meemoo i hope me and my DD are like you and your children when she grows up! I dont think that will happen though we are both quite firey, and shes only 3!

'I think people are confusing not arguing with not disagreeing. People can disagree about many things without shouting and screaming.'

Here Here!

Dd1 is nearly 7 and I would say we scream at each other every day :( our personalities just totally clash. She can be Fucking rude and I hate all the cheek and back chat. She expects the things her friends get but we can't afford everything she wants, and why should she get everything she wants anyway? It leads to lots of rows but hopefully it won't last forever :)
On the other hand, I would say Dp and I have only ever properly argued maybe 3 or 4times in 8 years. We just get on really well. Its not to say we don't disagree with each other or ever spark, at in fun ways, not where we would shout or have bad feelings.

My eldest is incredibly feisty and we do argue. But she's getting mush better at controlling her temper and we do manage to sort things now sometimes without resorting to raised voices. And I think the tactics I've learned with her will come more naturally with the younger kids.
I argued a lot with my mum at around that age - but I don't think my sister ever did. I now realise that my sister is a sulker though so perhaps that's why they didn't argue.

MadameMessy don't you feel sad that you are screaming at your daughter every day. Her being 'fucking cheeky', unfortunately is your and your partner's responsibility to help her to sort out.

I'm not having a go at you but if I were screaming at DS every day I would feel really sad and unhappy that he was so obviously unhappy..........there are other ways of sorting out differences, managing behaviour and enforcing boundaries. :(

It's a hugely unhealthy and disfunctional relationship if there is no arguing going on - and if the presenter who said this thinks its a good thing never to have an arguement with her 12 year old then imo this shows a real lack of comprehension of what it is to be a good parent.

I have a 12 year old only dd. We get on great and are very close but of course we have arguments sometimes.

DD's personality would have to change dramatically for her to start screaming and shouting about stuff. She disagrees, but at 10 her persoanility just means she's not a shouter/screamer. She only ever had one or two tantrums as a toddler than I can think of - can remember them as it was so out of character and unusual.

DH would never have had a big row with his parents either - he is more likely to have sulked. TBH, although I am little more fiery, I still am not a screamer or shouter either.

I agree that an argument is not the same as disagreement. And I do think much of it is down to personality.

Oh and Ds is 7 yrs old too and has some very complex and challenging behaviours which I definitely don't just accept.

Kids need to become their own person not a replica of a parent with the same ideas and views about everything - and a parent should actively encourage their child to find their own way in life and to be able to deal constructively with conflict.

'It's a hugely unhealthy and disfunctional relationship if there is no arguing going on ' Says who?

Back to the difference between differing opinions and arguing.

IMO and it is MO, It's a hugely unhealthy and disfunctional relationship if there is arguing going on between parent and child!

I don't think arguments need to involve shouting - mine don't. It's about having a strongly held pov that you have the confidence to argue.

'Kids need to become their own person not a replica of a parent with the same ideas and views about everything - and a parent should actively encourage their child to find their own way in life and to be able to deal constructively with conflict.'

Couldn't agree more but arguing ( in the sense of raised voices, shouting, and maybe even disrepecful comments) is not IMO a necessary part of this development.

I have an only DD (aged 3) and we argue nearly every day. Well she does - I just try to ignore her diva-esque outbursts and whining.

I only have sons and we have never had any screaming, tantuming, door banging or down right nasty type rows.
I have also been married over 20 years and can swear on my boys lifes that my husband has never raised his voice to me or swore at me. He has been known to go off muttering to himself and i can throw a bit of a sulk with a bit of banging around in the kitchen but thats it.

I grew up with parents who would regularly have screaming matches and throw stuff at each other and i swore i wanted my marriage to be different. I couldn't live with rows and regular arguements.

EssentialFattyAcid: I would call that a healthy discussion, not an argument.

In my view arguingwith your child certainly isn't necessarily about "raised voices, shouting, and maybe even disrepecful comments" so perhaps this is a question of definition

Well I know a mother and daughter who never argue, never disagree or raise their voices to each other. They are both very sweet and gentle and alike.
(It isn't me and mine! Not by a long way.)

X posted EFA. It is about definition. Discussion is good and should be engouraged.

Am off to look up the dictionary definition of argument just for clarity :)

Will be back tomo, off out now.....this is interesting :)

Arguing your point is appropriate behaviour in an academic or professional environment - it's also what often happens in my house

well, I was just utterly unconvinced and thought they were probably telling porkies about their daughters, but judging by the number of non arguing Mn'er kids, they might be telling the truth!

I suspect the OP is correct that there is generally more bickering/petty squabbles in houses where there are siblings than with an only child - after all for an only child there are only the parents available to bicker with - and if the adults choose not to engage there can be no bickering!

at KalSkirat's daughter with an Off switch. (I'm guessing a VOCA is a comms aid, Kal?)

Mine doesn't argue at all with me, she dissolves into a wobbly lip and lots of sorrys when I tell her off (gently). Kind of worries me actually, maybe I am very very scary