To think that telling someone when we are busy isnt 'dictating when they can come over'

[Voidka]

Its a MIL one - sorry.

We have a strained relationship but I never stop her seeing the DC's.

Last night she called to see if we would be in so she could come over to bring the children's Easter Eggs. I said that DS1 and DD have opticians appointments this morning, and then tomorrow we are going away for the weekend so we wont be back until Tuesday.

So I suggested this afternoon or this evening. She said she was busy this afternoon so it would have to be this evening.

She has now sent DH a text saying she doesnt appreciate being 'dictated' to about when she can come over to see her GC. I have told DH exactly what I said and (for once) he agrees with me, but has said that I should try and be more accommodating. I asked when he suggested I could have accommodated her as he wants to leave at 7am in the morning, to which he just shrugged.

WIBU?

yanbu, she sounds lke she is sulking

YANBU. You gave her 2 options. If you are leaving at 7am tomorrow what else can you do?

She is seeing her GC this evening.

Tell her she can come round tomorrow if she wants but you won't be there.

Surely the point of ringing to see if it is convenient to come over, is actually to see when it is convenient to come over?!?!

She asked when she could come over, you told her when you were free!

I think what she would like is if I said - 'We are here all the time, just waiting for you to want to drop in'

Obviously with 3 DC's who have appointments, clubs etc, and because we are a family who do stuff at the weekends/in the holidays we dont get to say that.

I'd be irritated at a MIL whining behind my back to DH. Luckily my MIL is so notoriously unreasonable that DH always find it easy to agree with me.

YANBU. I hate people dropping in unannounced. Get your DH to say it's not dictating, all you did was tell her your plans and when you'd be in. If he has a word she can hopefully stop blaming you and being a cow about it.

Grandparents don't get a God given right to see their GCs whenever they wish, they have to fit in with family life.

Yanbu,she's being a bit silly. You are both free in the evening, so what's the problem?

Have you got her an Easter Egg from the DC?

I should also say that the calling has only just started - she used to drop in and then be annoyed if no-one was in. I think she thought I was using my psychic powers to annoy her :o

No - she doesnt eat chocolate. The DC's (well DD really) have made her a card.

Well I hope she appreciates the card.

YANBU. She is very manipulative in texting your DH. That would drive me mad

She asked, you answered...where's the dictating?

It would be 'dictating' if you ordered her to come at a particular time whether she wanted to or not. Letting someone know when you'll be busy and when you're free is perfectly normal.

She's being ridiculous. And by texting your DH, she's having a flounce and trying to cause an argument. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

My mil thinks she shouldn't need an "appointment" yet she would dream of making a fuss when one of friends try to make arrangements on a specific day at a specific time.

It's rude IMO to just drop in unannounced. It show no regard for the other person's preferences.

I'd ignore your mil op. You gave her two choices. She is the one that is busy.

YANBU, If she'd phoned earlier in the week there would have been more options for her to choose from.

It sounds like she expects you to be available at a moment's notice.

DH has to man up.

Tell your DH that you have told her to come round tomorrow morning whenever she likes and that HE can be more accommodating.

She can't possibly expect you and the children to sit at home all day every day on the off-chance she might decide to call in. Does she think you should not take them to the optician (or the dentist or GP) when they need to go, in case it inconveniences her? You should never go on holiday or away for the weekend as a family?

She's being ridiculous and tbh it sounds like she's trying to stir up trouble here with the text to your DH.

When my kids were young my MIL popped round as and when. If we were out'... so be it. If we were in and busy I gave her a job to do. She sometimes took the kids out of the way for me whilst I got on. I really don't understand this having to make an appointment thing?

Having moved away some years ago I wish any of my family were dropping in again as and when, so be careful what you wish for.

Having 'control' with the grandkids can be a very powerful weapon, can't it? Especially if your relationship is strained.

Can you see this at all from her point of view and perhaps invite her to go along to the appointment with you next time? She might be really helpful.

Control? Bull. I think it's about respecting privacy whether there are gcs are not.

Oh yes, let your relatives so what they want because one day they'll dead or not nearby and they won't be able to walk all over you do what they want.

If she was that bothered she should have thought about it a bit sooner!!!

Personally I would have made arrangements for the DCs to see nanny over Easter weekend as it seems you have just made plans to go away without considering the family at all. However, it's up to both of you so no YANBU.

Also, she sounds like a baby going to your DH, if she had a problem then she could have spoken to you.

Invite her to the opticians appointment?

And I dont have control over the children. Had she rung on Monday it would have been easier to arrange a time for her to come over when we would be here.