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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that telling someone when we are busy isnt 'dictating when they can come over'

86 replies

Voidka · 05/04/2012 09:06

Its a MIL one - sorry.

We have a strained relationship but I never stop her seeing the DC's.

Last night she called to see if we would be in so she could come over to bring the children's Easter Eggs. I said that DS1 and DD have opticians appointments this morning, and then tomorrow we are going away for the weekend so we wont be back until Tuesday.

So I suggested this afternoon or this evening. She said she was busy this afternoon so it would have to be this evening.

She has now sent DH a text saying she doesnt appreciate being 'dictated' to about when she can come over to see her GC. I have told DH exactly what I said and (for once) he agrees with me, but has said that I should try and be more accommodating. I asked when he suggested I could have accommodated her as he wants to leave at 7am in the morning, to which he just shrugged.

WIBU?

OP posts:
gafhyb · 05/04/2012 14:22

she's a piece of work. YANBU

ENormaSnob · 05/04/2012 14:41

Yanbu

I would be furious with mil and dh tbh.

girlywhirly · 05/04/2012 14:42

Voidka, YANBU.

MIL is envious that you are all going away for the week-end (without her) and will be enjoying yourselves (without her)!

If MIL drops around on the off chance, there may be no-one in, so it is entirely reasonable for you to say when you will be there as MIL phoned first to ask. She is making difficulties where none exist.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 05/04/2012 14:48

'Sounds like she's seen her arse' Grin

What a great phrase, Inertia! Is it equivalent to someone 'having the arse' or similar?

gafhyb · 05/04/2012 14:49

... or she's up her own arse?

Pandemoniaa · 05/04/2012 14:50

How ridiculous. Were you supposed to cancel all the perfectly reasonable commitments you and your dcs had? Your MIL was given two perfectly reasonable options and has chosen to have a ridiculous strop. It's the going behind your back to whinge at your DH that would particularly piss me off too!

I also don't see why anyone should feel they have to make arrangements for their children to see grandparents over Easter (and I say this as a grandmother!). Since when did Easter become such a precious event that comes with some sort of grandparently rights?

Pandemoniaa · 05/04/2012 14:51

PS. She clearly thinks she is body everyself.

gafhyb · 05/04/2012 14:52

Pandemoniaa - are you my mother? She's the only person I've ever heard use that phrase (5'3'', 70 years old?)

Pandemoniaa · 05/04/2012 14:54

I think I am not. But then I only have sons. (5'7" rather younger than 70!)

It was one of my grandmother's favoured expressions though!

HateBeingCantDoUpMyJeans · 05/04/2012 14:56

Is she annoyed because she's isn't going to see them on Easter Sunday?

MrsGypsy · 05/04/2012 14:57

YANBU. You gave her a choice of two time periods when you and the DC are in.

You have one other option before she comes tonight. Text MIL back and say:

"Sorry, forgot to mention that DH says you could also stop by any time between 6am and 7am tomorrow morning." :)

eppa · 05/04/2012 15:01

Your MIL is being ridiculous!
She wants to see the children and you have told her when you are free - there's nothing wrong with that. I mean if you wanted to meet a friend for coffee and they said they were only free on a certain day you wouldn't accuse them of restricing your access to them!
I sympathise as my MIL is like this - they wanted to basically "pop in" on us whenever was convenient for them and hated it that I wouldn't let them. I was always happy to let them see DC's but just at a time that suited us.
YANBU at all!

Chilenachica · 05/04/2012 15:06

I would tell her that you are sooooo sorry to have made her feel unwanted, it was a miss understanding as you thought DH wanted to leave at 7am and that of course she can come over tomorrow morning, her son doesn't mind delaying your departure so that see her DCs, naturally.

But then I'm in a fighting mood today and having to V careful in RL

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 05/04/2012 15:08

I think you are being totally unreasonable, and I think that since you clearly cannot be trusted to speak on the phone to her without dictating things to her you should not answer the phone to her at all. I should think your DH would be much much nicer to her so he should therefore do all communicating with her Wink Grin

I don't know, fancy telling someone when you were home or not so they didn't have a wasted journey, its like living I'm a dictatorship that..I don't know what the worlds coming to Sad

Grin
Inertia · 05/04/2012 15:29

LadyClarice, it means she's got into a strop, so probably similar to having the arse. I didn't realise it wasn't a universally known phrase - maybe it's a local dialect thing?

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 05/04/2012 15:43

Or maybe I'm just not very well informed. Smile

It might be a local thing. Whereabouts are you (if you can say without outing).

SuePurblybiltFromChocolate · 05/04/2012 15:47

Oh I think you have to bring up her texting your DH to whine about you.

And I second the idea of telling her to come in the morning so that your DH can be more accommodating.

clam · 05/04/2012 16:47

And make sure you get an answer from your dh as to why you're being painted as the bad guy here.

chitterchatter · 05/04/2012 16:51

YANBU. She sounds a bit pathetic really.

Original poster
Voidka · 05/04/2012 16:58

I always get painted as the bad person, mainly because its me that makes arrangements for the children. Whenever she cant see them its my fault. It was even my fault that she couldnt come to DS1's sports day last summer, because of course I made the school have it on a day when she had work commitments. DH did tell her to stop being such a fool though.

Is she annoyed because she's isn't going to see them on Easter Sunday? I dont think so - she is totally Atheist (another reason she doesnt like me very much) and is going out anyway.

OP posts:
Riversidegirl · 05/04/2012 19:14

Are you saying you follow a religion? Does your religion involve forgiving and understanding others?

Don't get me started on that...

Riversidegirl · 05/04/2012 19:15

Ready to turn my cheek.

Original poster
Voidka · 05/04/2012 20:36

I dont need to forgive her and I do understand her.
What an odd thing to say!

OP posts:
Figarello · 05/04/2012 21:02

Gosh Riverside, you are very determined to only see the MIL's side in all of this... Hmm

Original poster
Voidka · 05/04/2012 21:33

I believe that I did accommodate her, I told her when we would be here.

She turned up at 6pm and was gone by 6.15 - in a huff because she wanted to go to the supermarket. She could have spent time with the DC's, I asked her if she wanted to do DD's bath or stay for bed time story but she was still sulking so said no. Thats cutting off your nose to spite your face in my book.

OP posts: