To think that telling someone when we are busy isnt 'dictating when they can come over'

[Voidka]

Its a MIL one - sorry.

We have a strained relationship but I never stop her seeing the DC's.

Last night she called to see if we would be in so she could come over to bring the children's Easter Eggs. I said that DS1 and DD have opticians appointments this morning, and then tomorrow we are going away for the weekend so we wont be back until Tuesday.

So I suggested this afternoon or this evening. She said she was busy this afternoon so it would have to be this evening.

She has now sent DH a text saying she doesnt appreciate being 'dictated' to about when she can come over to see her GC. I have told DH exactly what I said and (for once) he agrees with me, but has said that I should try and be more accommodating. I asked when he suggested I could have accommodated her as he wants to leave at 7am in the morning, to which he just shrugged.

WIBU?

And my religious beliefs have nothing to do with how I feel about my MIL.

In fact I think I have put up with more shite than most people would.

My BIL and MIL tend to give me a vage two week window that they will be in the county - then expect me to book nothing during that time. This allows them to ring at last min (the day before mostly) and ensure we are free! However life doesn't work like that. Last time they were very miffed when I was busy. But seriously, I think it shows a lack of respect on her part. She wants everything to suit her - but you are a hectic family of four and she is one person. Your DH is not a small subordinate child any more and should be treated as an equal.

She asked if you were free and you told her when you were. Simple. Don't see why she's justified in sulking about that.
BUT, I do wonder about the history here - only because your dh " (for once) he agrees with me, but has said that I should try and be more accommodating."
Does this mean that he thinks that sometimes you aren't?

He probably does - but mainly because MIL is always telling him I am not.

The times she has been waiting for me when I get home she has moaned to DH. When she wanted to come over one afternoon and I said she could come but that DD's preschool hours had changed and so only I would be here she moaned to DH - you get the picture.

I know DH should back me up, but both he and his Mum have a rather strained but complicated relationship. He lots his Dad a few years ago and he has softened to her somewhat.

DH works very long ours and works away a lot so he couldnt tell MIL what our plans were.

Voidka, is it normal for your DH to update her on days away? Do you think she feels a bit put out because she wasn't told earlier?

That didnt come out like I meant it - I was trying to say that because he isnt here very often he doesnt know what we are doing on a daily basis, so if she asked him he couldnt say.

He knows about the weekend away. He must have mentioned it to her.

So really, it's only the trip to the optician that she didn't know about. You'd expect her to realise that with 3 DC you have a lot on your hands and she needs to plan in advance.

Anyway, all done now. Enjoy your weekend away. :)

FigarelloThu 05-Apr-12 21:02:37

'Gosh Riverside, you are very determined to only see the MIL's side in all of this...'

Yes. I have been playing devils advocate. As IMHO it's always easier to see situations from our own agenda. But I have to say that since MIL was offered options to engage with DGC; bathtime and bedtime story and didn't then again IMHO she IS a mardy cow, Voidka. [busmile]

Still don't understand appointments system though and don't think I ever will...

I don't think it is an 'appointments system' to let friends and family know when you'll be available/when it's convenient to have visitors

Might have missed this suggestion already, so apologies if I repeat what others have said. Could you tell dh that in future he is to talk to his mum, regarding arrangements for visiting the dc, but he has to consult the calender and see if they have events booked already. (Make sure you write on the calender everything that you, as a family, have going on and tell him these will not be rearranged for other people's convenience).

That way he gets to be the 'bad guy'.

Give your mum his mobile number, so she can badger him, even when he is away .

Alternatively, get caller ID and just don't answer the phone to her.

Can't believe there were suggestions on here to invite her to the opticians with you. Think some people are either utterly barking or total doormats in their efforts to be accommodating of other people's unreasonable demands on their time.

Give his mum, not yours.