AIBU to not allow my DD in the taxi with this man?

[mickeyvsminnie]

My DD is 13. We live very rurally and the council provide a taxi for her and several other village children due to our distance from the school. I suppose it's the country equivalent of a school bus!

Anyway, she is in year 8 so has been going in the taxi for almost two years now. There is one driver - I shall call him 'Dave,' who does some of the journeys, along with Paul and Marie - the owners of the taxi company [ the council contract out the job ].... Dave does around 50% of the journeys.

My DD has mentioned several times to me in the past that he is a 'bit weird ' and she 'feels uncomfortable ' when in the taxi on her own with him [ this happens sometimes due to other drop off/illness of other kids etc] but I brushed it off until a few weeks ago.

She was off school for a day or two with a stomach bug. She returned to school and was alone in the taxi with Dave on her first day back. He asked her if she was feeling better, she replied ' yes thank you.' He then said ' was it your periods that you were off with? ' and she was obviously mortified. He then went on to talk about my DDs friend , referring to her as the 'under developed ' girl and ' I bet she hasn't started her periods yet .. ' My DD said he often talks about 'girl things' like this.

So, I call the council and tell them that i feel this is highly inappropriate for any man, let alone a taxi driver in his 50s with the job of driving young girls to and from school. They take it seriously, speak to Paul, the owner of the company and Dave is spoken to. 'Yes,' he says, he did indeed speak to DD about her periods but he thought this was entirely normal and he is puzzled as to why it is not appropriate. the council call me to advise they will look into further but they will remove Dave from the runs. I reiterate that I do NOT think he is a padophile - more that he is crass, highly inappropriate and stupid. I then think that this is the end of it.

Anyway, the council call me again today. They wish to reinstate Dave to driving the kids again. He will have 'additional training' and they will ensure that DD is not alone with him [ they cannot ensure this - what happens if a child is ill, for example? ' ]

I am unhappy with this. My DD would not want to be in a taxi with him - far to mortified and uncomfortable.

So- WWYD? AIBU to insist that he is NOT to drive the children to school, that this is a possible warning sign that should be heeded?

TIA!

Ribbet it surely makes sense because had there been a female escort in the car with the OP's daughter the driver would never have made such remarks. She would have felt far more comfortable on the school journeys.

Sorry Clawdy, I have just realised you mean in addition to the male. I thought you meant men weren't eligible for the role which seems discriminatory and akin to not wanting male teachers, nurses etc.

Well I've just checked various websites for LAs and I can't find any that admit to NOT using escorts (or 'passenger assistants') for children, as per the national guidance.

Alberto- why did she move schools? Absolutely nothing to domwithntaxi drivers : ) very dull, normal reasons

Thanks OP. Just wondered.

By the way, you sound as though you have a wonderful relationship with your daughter. Good luck with everything.

Do you mean Blindsmen's bluff Rach?

hi OP

i havent read every single response but i just wanted to reassure you after i saw your stance on the police thing - it is highly highly unlikely that your DD would be interviewed, but it would just give the police a heads up and get his name mentioned on a police system....if i were you, as well as all the other fantastic suggestions regards Ofsted and the council, i would just give the 101 number a call and ask to discuss it with a police officer for advice. It certainly isnt going to hurt, and because no offence has been committed its not going to lead to anything unpleasant for your DD, but i do feel giving his name to the police would not be a bad idea at all. It just gets his name mentioned and recorded - just in case there is a next time for some other youngster in his "care".

Had the council followed their safeguarding procedures they would have reported this to your local social services where the LADO (local authority designtaed officer for allegations against professionals) would have helped to coordinate an investigation. This investigation would involve a social worker and perhaps a Police officer depending on what would have been decided at a 'strategy meeting'.

Only AFTER this investigation would the LADO decide if this was a training need or something more serious.

However it looks like the council department you reported to have NOT followed their safeguarding procedures and are trying to fob you off. I would be telling them you want this to be investigated properly or you will contact social services yourself and report it that way.

I say this as a child protection professional who has worked on many AAP cases (allegations against a professional).

I am absolutely squirming thinking about how I would have felt as a y8 girl in this situation :(

I kind of understand your reticence re the police, but don't you think it is worth calling 101 and just sounding out your local police as to whether they think it is worth looking into? Or, asking the council to do it for you, which it looks like they should be anyway?

FWIW, my sister and I were interviewed by the police (I was about your daughter's age) when a local man started following us to and from school, in various states of undress. It wasn't in any way disturbing or traumatic, the police officer came to our house, had a cup of tea and just asked us what we saw and didn't see and that was it.

OP given that the council appear to be fobbing you off and not following proper safeguarding procedures, how certain are you that this Dave has not been implicated in any other incident that may have been brushed under the carpet?

Absolutely agree with what allthequeensmen said

Anyone remember this one?

Tis me, the OP.

I thought the council had removed this man as he has not been in the taxi since easter. Today they have called me. He has been 'properly risk assessed' and given 'additional training' and is ' very sorry for any offence caused ' and they want to reinstate him. The man in charge of risk assessment says he is no danger.

I have said NO. The guy who rang me is all flummoxed and has gone away again to 'speak to someone '

What are my options here? Im being made to feel like im over reacting. I told them that this is a warning for the council, a red flag. I have never said i think he is some predatory paedophile but that he has behaved in an appropriate manner and he must not drive 13 year old girls around

I was a lurker and didn't think you were overreacting then, and don't think you are now.

The amount of times something awful happens and it's found that indicators were noticed and ignored before it happened, is unbelievable.

They shouldn't be able to force you to be OK with your DD going in the taxi with this man, if they have to provide her with transport then she definitely shouldn't feel intimidated, and because no taking back what he's said, that intimidation isn't going to be taken away by a random bloke in charge of 'risk assessment'. (what kind of training would you need for that role I wonder?)

I would just keep politely plugging away with the 'no' and let them come up with an alternative, if the people in the council you're talking to at the minute can't, go higher up?

Your DD will be OK though - she's got you

I missed this first time but this is shocking. If he had just stopped at saying was it your periods I would still be a bit but maybe think he was just a bit of an idiot to not think how uncomfortable that would make a young girl but to then go on to discuss how he considers your DD's friend to be underdeveloped and not to have started yet would make me think he considers your daughter "developed" which alludes to a highly questionable thought process about both your DD and her friend.

Do you know who at the council has been dealing with this? Is it possible to speak to someone higher up?

Hi again, sorry to hear this is still going on.

No idea where you might stand legally but my first question would be what qualifications did the guy doing the risk assessment have?

I mean a friend works in H&S she could do a risk safety on your house for example, fully trained to do that, but how do you do a risk assesssment on this guy?

At the least I would have thought it would have to be psychologist, wouldn't it.

Allthequeensmens has posted some good points above.

My first point would be to question thier proccesses

Read and posted on the thread under a different name - shocked to find this has not been resolved!

WHO did the risk assessment? Just a guy from the council? Have the police been informed? I am truly shocked that this man is going to be put in contact with young girls again. I would be saying NO NO NO.

This man behaved in a way that would alarm anyone with anything to do with child protection.

How you are reacting is not really the issue here.

The fact is you have a choice whether or not your daughter should get in this taxi or not. You have the right to say "No".

I think the line of questioning he took is totally & completely inappropriate.

How the council chooses to respond is up to them [I suppose]. However, you have a choice and you are free to express your concerns, and say No, and mean No.

I would say go "higher" up the chain of command. It is my belief you are entitled to a new taxi driver for your daughter.

Totally shocking and very worrying. Agree Scotch, I would be asking for higher council authority to get involved and chat to local police just to get his name across their bows.

I am remembering school care taker Ian Huntley. God forbid.

OK, so the risk assessment guy has just called me.

I was very calm - I said that I have never said he is a paedophile and I do not wish for him to lose his job. I reiterated that I understood that he was probably just deeply inappropriate but the fact remained that he should no longer be driving young children around

I am just gob smacked at what he then said...

He has said that he himself gave him the training and his gut instinct is that he is fine, its a misunderstanding. he said there is 'nothing to worry about'.. he said he took advice from SS and their child protection who advised him that it was not a child protection issues, merely a 'further training one ' and that they had ' no worries at all.' he said that they have re jigged schedules so that my dd would never be alone with him [ THEY CANNOT GUARANTEE THIS! What is a child is off sick? ]. He said he understood my point but ' we are getting nowhere here ' and then he rather huffily said he would ' just put it back to child protection to let them deal with it '

I dont really know what to say!

oh and he is actually in his early 70s this man. Not that it makes a difference i guess. I thought he was in his 50s.

OP I agree with catspee....you need to start asking THEM questions...as catspee said, who did the risk assesment and what are their qualifications in that field. I agree that this man should NOT be driving children.

Just read your update! you need to seek legal advice imo. Personally I think what he said was WEIRD and especially given his age! A man of that age KNOWS this is not appropriate! He is at the very best of low emotional maturity and possibly IQ...but that's STILL no excuse.

Can you tell the risk assesment guy that you are seeking legal advice and want assurance in writing tht this man will not be allowed to drive your DD...am tempted to say ANY children!

Oh and thebody is correct in that you ought to talk to the police...

Don't do anything more on the phone is my advice.

Do it all in writing, higher up the chain.

Don't do it on the phone and get emotionally involved with huffy idiots who tell you its all a misunderstanding (by whom exactly?) and all the bizarre nonsense about yr daughter "never being alone with him".

Find his superior, and I would suggest his superior's superior and send them both a letter outlining your concerns and the response so far.

Say what you want to happen. 1. An apology? 2. A new driver? Or whatever it is you want to happen.

Send it urgent, by recorded delivery. Await their response.

Forget about it, don't worry. My guess is that you will get a good outcome.

What about the taxi company? can you contact them?