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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go mad at this dad who is about to drop my daughter off - need quick responces

120 replies

batsaboutbats · 03/04/2012 14:24

My dd best friend at school has the 2 slackest parents NEVER see the mother not even sports day etc and the dad is ok.
Anyway I do alot of running around with best friend and really go out of my way taking her to activities etc (really for the girls sake not for the parents!)
Anyway I just found out a couple of days ago from dd that when the dad recently took both girls to the cinema he just left them - they are 7!!
I told my DH to deal with it (they are sort of friends/aqaintences)
Anyway both dads just dropped girls at brownies and dh spoke to the dad who said he waited outside and read his book but was there.
I am not sure this is true but even if it is I think really he should be in the actual cinema with them as you never know who's about?
AIBU??
now the dad is heading over with my dd from brownies so what shall I say to him?
Knew my bloody dh would cock it up!!

OP posts:
ABatInBunkFive · 03/04/2012 20:28

carabos I like your head Grin

ABatInBunkFive · 03/04/2012 20:33

Better to be quietly reading a book that nattering to your pal through it like some other always at all the events but uses it as a social occasion instead of watching their children mums

PuppyMonkey · 03/04/2012 20:34

So did op confront the dad or leave it? I wouldn't have been happy at him doing that without letting me know that's what he was planing to do.

Caribos, it must have been a very interesting book. Hmm

fedupofnamechanging · 03/04/2012 20:51

I'd be pissed off if another parent left my child unsupervised, in a public place and I would not trust them with my dc again.

OP, your dh has raised it with the other dad and he'd have to be a complete moron to not know that you were unhappy about it, so no need to bring it up again imo.

I would also judge parents who never made it to any school events. Fair enough, people work and can't make it to everything, but you can usually arrange things so one parent or a GP attends some events.

I loathe sports day - hours spent baking or freezing in order to watch my dc for about 2 minutes, but I still go because it's important to my dc to see me there.

scottishmummy · 03/04/2012 20:54

this isn't any parent it's 2 slackest parents
and well if op has such low opinion she shouldn't have left em with mr and mrs slack

hathorinareddress · 03/04/2012 20:56

Karma - you have no right to judge any parent who never gets to a school event.

In my situation I have no family support. None. I have a very very busy life and it is incredibly difficult - there was an event at the school tonight. I have my kids. Therefore, I cannot go. I asked my ex to go. He said he is busy.

What would you propose we do?

I suppose I have been judged now for not going and the dad is probably ok Hmm

Xmasbaby11 · 03/04/2012 20:56

He shouldn't have done that. I think it's irresponsible.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/04/2012 20:57

good point scottishmummy Grin

scottishmummy · 03/04/2012 20:59

have never been to sports day
I'm at work,that takes priority

AnaisB · 03/04/2012 21:02

I'd rather my dad had done that than sat next to me reading with a torch and pork pie.

snapsnap · 03/04/2012 21:04

I work and making it to some events is not such a big deal. In fact I would say that if you cant even make it to at least 1 event a year then you are being wilfully neglectful of your childs feelings.
I really cant imagine why anyone would feel good about that

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/04/2012 21:07

Scottishmummy, you are going to hell in a handcart

ABatInBunkFive · 03/04/2012 21:08

OFFS Really?

There are loads of reasons someone would never be at the school, none of which come close to wilfull neglect. Hmm

hathorinareddress · 03/04/2012 21:08

Why would you have to feel good about it?

Feelings on it are totally irrelevant - it doesn't make you a bad parent because you go to work and put keeping a roof over your kids heads/food on the table over and above running in the parents race.

Hmm

And as to being wilfully neglectful - I would say it's neglectful not to put food on the table.

And if that means I can't get to events then that's what it means.

My kids know and understand that. And why is it only the mother who is getting blamed for this? Plenty of fathers never ever turn up to anything for their kids yet it's always the mother who gets it in the neck for not going.

1950's much Hmm

ABatInBunkFive · 03/04/2012 21:10

OP hasn't even said if the dad goes to the events i'm pressuming if he didn't she'd have said, as she was so careful to highlight the mothers non appearance.

MrsSchadenfreude · 03/04/2012 21:12

I agree with LeBOF and am quite possibly the mother of your DD's friend by the sound of it. Why would I go to sports day? Confused I can't run and my hand wobbles when I hold the egg and spoon.

Perhaps you never see the mother because she's got a big fuck off $$$$ earning job that means she's tied to her desk until all hours. Not all of us sit on our arses watching Jeremy Kyle of a morning, you know.

Bitofastate · 03/04/2012 21:12

Wouldn't expect two 7 year olds to be left in cinema alone. Would be very Hmm in my circle of friends. Not for child abduction reasons but because they might get scared/want the loo/throw up etc etc.

I work so parents at dd's school never really see me, I don't do pick ups or drop offs. I usually attend her swimming galas and always attend plays etc. We're very lucky in that my parents are retired so if I can't go I ask them to.

fedupofnamechanging · 03/04/2012 21:13

hathorinareddress, I don't mean events where the children are not involved (like social, fund raising ones), but things like school plays, I would expect a parent to do everything in their power to be there. Of course it is not possible for working parents to attend everything, but it is the rare parent that truly cannot manage any events involving their dc.

I don't judge you for not attending an event this evening - you are looking after your dc. I am inclined to judge your exH though -if we are talking about an event involving one of the dc.

It is harder for people who have no family support or who are single parents - in truth I was thinking about the parents in the OP's case - there are two of them, so one should be able to make some sports days etc.

If you truly cannot make an event because of work/lack of child care then that is entirely different to just not making an effort, because you'd rather be somewhere else, because lets face it, most of us could do without sports day!

Also, I would never judge a mother and not the father.

MrsSchadenfreude · 03/04/2012 21:15

I think it you have a "job" it is relatively easy to get time off to go to school sports day, concerts etc. If you have a "career" it's much harder.

Bitofastate · 03/04/2012 21:15

Also isn't this 'willful neglect' unfair on parents who happen to be teachers? I thought teachers weren't allowed any time out during their working hours so if their child's play/sports day is in term time they won't be able to attend will they?

Anniegetyourgun · 03/04/2012 21:16

"how do you cope when your work day gets boring, dig out a book? Or would you make the effort to just put up with being bored for half an hour for your job's sake but not where your kids are concerned?"

Well, if I'm at work I'm generally expected to be working. It might be boring work but it's something to do. If there's nothing to do (and with my manager's agreement) hell yeah I'd dig out a book. Nativity plays, on the other hand, are mostly full of other people's children singing out of tune and forgetting where to stand, which is all very cute n such but not exactly riveting after, say, five minutes. I'm not one of life's busy bees but I still find staring at nothing much for long stretches of time is quite an advanced form of mental torture.

(I once had to pick my DCs up from a music concert when I had earache... torture was hardly the word. There were drums and everything, argh! And I came in too soon and the buggers wouldn't let me open the door to go and stand outside because it would disturb everyone. I was such a doormat in those days.)

maybenow · 03/04/2012 21:19

I think this is borderline to be honest. I mean, if he was really outside (foyer, not carpark miles away) and the girls knew how to find him and were ok with it then it's really borderline. I can imagine some girls would be ok with this and some not, and some parents, and some cinemas not others.

So personally, if i wasn't ok with it, then i wouldn't 'go mad' at all in any way, i'd just say 'about the cinema, i don't really feel she's old enough to be left inside without an adult so if you don't want to go in with them then we'll have to keep her away next time, i'm sure you understand Smile'.

dollywashers · 03/04/2012 21:20

YANBU. I would not be happy if my 6 or 8 year old were left in the cinema alone. He should have told you in advance if this was going to happen so you had a chance to say no. I wouldn't go made at him but would let him know I was not impressed and I certainly would't be leeaving my child in his care again.

scottishmummy · 03/04/2012 21:22

willful neglect is certainly not an otherwise attentive parent absent from sport day

willful neglect is inadequate diet,emotional cruelty,unsafe environment,the habitual and ongoing lack of care that endangers or poses risk

willful neglect is most inappropriate in this context

Anniegetyourgun · 03/04/2012 21:31

That's hyperbole as we know and love it, innit, scottishmummy.

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