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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to go mad at this dad who is about to drop my daughter off - need quick responces

120 replies

batsaboutbats · 03/04/2012 14:24

My dd best friend at school has the 2 slackest parents NEVER see the mother not even sports day etc and the dad is ok.
Anyway I do alot of running around with best friend and really go out of my way taking her to activities etc (really for the girls sake not for the parents!)
Anyway I just found out a couple of days ago from dd that when the dad recently took both girls to the cinema he just left them - they are 7!!
I told my DH to deal with it (they are sort of friends/aqaintences)
Anyway both dads just dropped girls at brownies and dh spoke to the dad who said he waited outside and read his book but was there.
I am not sure this is true but even if it is I think really he should be in the actual cinema with them as you never know who's about?
AIBU??
now the dad is heading over with my dd from brownies so what shall I say to him?
Knew my bloody dh would cock it up!!

OP posts:

Original poster

batsaboutbats · 03/04/2012 14:45

nobody likes sports day etc but most people try to go sometimes to that stuff for the sake of their children. Equally no one enjoys childrens films but I do sit through them (thinking of the millions of things I need to do) as I really wouldn't leave children alone in a cinema or anywhere actually.
Maybe I am being over protective I genuinly thought it was normal to watch 7 year olds when out.
But now some of you have pointed out that iabu I will just check with other parents.
I don't know the mother she does work and another friend told me she openly says she didn't want the children so he (her dh) can deal with them so I always tend to make arrangements through him.

OP posts:

Original poster

batsaboutbats · 03/04/2012 14:52

apologies to all mums working or not who don't go to sports day!! I don't htink you are slack I also work and miss stuff everyone does!!

OP posts:

Stratters · 03/04/2012 14:55

Tbh I think if your child is confident it is good for them to do stuff on their own. The DDs would have felt babied if I had sat through a film with them at that age. Any younger and I'd have stayed. At that age, I'd have done what the father did, and sat outside with a book.

OriginalJamie · 03/04/2012 14:56

IME. leaving 2 girls of 7 in a cinema alone is not a very common thing to do. Even though, statistically speaking, very little harm could come of it, I'd be annoyed if someone did that without my consent

NoFoodwithaFace · 03/04/2012 14:57

I think it's really bad he left two 7 year olds in a cinema! what the hell! I would not be happy!

ABatInBunkFive · 03/04/2012 14:59

Saying you miss sports day isn't exactly shocking is it?

MickyDodger · 03/04/2012 15:00

He sat outside, so he didn't exactly abandon them to their fate, did he?

I think you are judgemental and biased and should have taken more responsibility for ensuring to make arrangements you were happy with. After all if the mother doesn't even go to sports day you really should have known better, shouldn't you?

Stratters · 03/04/2012 15:00

I'm no relaxed parent. I still turf out in the middle of the night to pick up an 18 yo DD who doesn't even live with me any more. I'd rather that, than risk her getting a dodgy cab, or a lift home with a friend who's a crap driver. I chose to live in a very rural area, and it's one of my responsibilities. And the roads round here are not good.

It's about weighing up odds, and teaching your child self confidence and independence.

Notnowcato · 03/04/2012 15:01

I thing it is very wrong to leave someone else's 7-year-old in a cinema unsupervised without checking with the parents first. You should always be ultra, ultra cautious with someone else's children. It's just common politeness.

Notnowcato · 03/04/2012 15:02

Er, that would be THINK ?

Salmotrutta · 03/04/2012 15:03

This is so interesting to me because it show just how much things have changed since my childhood.

When I was that age (actually a year younger - 1960s) we moved to a small town with a local cinema.
Every Saturday there was a kids matinee and the place was jammed with unsupervised kids of all ages - some of whom were in charge of younger siblings.

Not an adult in sight apart from the manager and usherettes (who sold those vile juices and lollies from a tray during the interval)

Weddellway · 03/04/2012 15:04

I would not leave 7 year olds alone..would they cope if there was a fire drill etc..I would imagine the cinema probably has a policy too?

EndoplasmicReticulum · 03/04/2012 15:05

I miss sports day. And assembly, and meetings about how to do maths, and requests to come and help with sewing, and family art days, and....and....

I'm a very slack parent.

"most people try to go to these things for the sake of their children"

Yup, that's why I'm not there. I care not for my children.

Sorry, but this makes me cross.

Salmotrutta · 03/04/2012 15:07

Oh -and I avoided taking my kids to the cinema (unless it was a rainy day during a UK holiday and the cinema was a definite last resort)

Can't abide kids films and I wasn't going to get into driving them 20 miles to see a film.

Happy to do trips to zoos, parks etc. but not cinema.

BellaVita · 03/04/2012 15:08

I didn't make the end of year show when DS2 left primary school - I had to work! Doesn't make me any less a person.

I would leave two seven year olds watching a film whilst I sat in the foyer too, although I would advise the other parent of my intention.

Salmotrutta · 03/04/2012 15:08

Oh yes - I often missed Sports Day too. Thank God.

takeonboard · 03/04/2012 15:09

Don't let your DD go with them again if you don't like how they parent, but you can't make them do it your way.

I don't go to sports day if the weather is bad - go ahead judge me, my DS is ok with it and thats all that matters

jellybeans · 03/04/2012 15:10

I know one mother who never attends school events and is a SAHM. She has MH issues and literally can't get out the house, not as simple as just not bothering in many cases!

Things like this have happened to be DC but I was just grateful they were brought back in one piece. I ould minimise when she goes again or make excuses. I have told parents before on play dates that they are not allowed to play out (when mine were very little and the parents on play date let their kids have free reign) and they seemed OK with it. I didn't care though what they thought though I went with my gut feeling..

BalloonSlayer · 03/04/2012 15:10

I wouldn't leave them at 7 years old.

The Dad said "he waited outside and read his book but was there." Hmm. Well you know your cinema. Our local one, you can only stay in the ticket hall place without a ticket. If you want to get through to the bit where they sell tea and coffee you need a ticket (this may apply only at busy times).

I would dearly love to take the DCs to a film, leave them in the auditorium and sit outside with a coffee and a book, but be able to be there if they came out looking for the loo and couldn't remember which cinema to go back into (as my 11 year old still might). But I cannot make this work with our local cinemas. So I have to endure the bloody films.

I'd say if you were intending to take two 7 year olds to the cinema and intending to leave them alone then it you should definitely check with the other parent to make sure they were OK with it, it's the sort of age where it is perfectly clear that not 100% of parents would be comfortable with it. That the other Dad did not do this suggests strongly to me that he knew what you would say and did not want to have to go in with them.

OriginalJamie · 03/04/2012 15:13

I agree with that (about the cinema) Balloon Slayer. I am encouraging my DCs to be more and more independent about going to the shops, playing out etc, but I do know many parents who don't allow their DCs to do the things I allow mine to do, so I would always check with them, IME, and my opinion 7 is a bit young for this, if you've not OK'd it with the other parent.

BalloonSlayer · 03/04/2012 15:13

From Cineworld's FAQs

Children under 8 years old cannot attend a screening unaccompanied (regardless of film certification). They should be accompanied by an adult aged18 years or older.

Children under 12 cannot attend a screening unaccompanied after 7pm (regardless of film certification).

cheesesarnie · 03/04/2012 15:14

id let it go but next time he needs to confirm that he'll be with them.
but if youre that against the parenting skills-why are you letting your dd go anywhere with them?you knew about the cinema and im guessing thats not the only thing thats given you your opinion on them so why let your dd go with them?to give you a break?

Original poster

batsaboutbats · 03/04/2012 15:15

thanks for all responces.
I honestly wasn't judging working mums or mums who miss sports days etc? why would I, I do the same (I just made my point badly).
We are all Mum's doing our best (and I know my best is pretty rubbish)
so really sorry if anyone took offence!!! was NOT intended.

OP posts:

hathorinareddress · 03/04/2012 15:15

Or, Balloon, that the other dad was perfectly happy with his decision and didn't think to check (my ex would have done something like this and really not seen the issue)

I am beyond angry at

"nobody likes sports day etc but most people try to go sometimes to that stuff for the sake of their children"

I could not get to sports day last year. I had no option.

It's for the sake of my children that I couldn't go. It's called keeping a roof over their heads.

hathorinareddress · 03/04/2012 15:16

x-posts.

Why say then " NEVER see the mother not even sports day etc" if you weren't judging the mother?

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