To think a 2 year gap between DCs 1 and 2 isn't all that odd or insane?

[FutureNannyOgg]

I'm 20-something weeks pg with DS2, DS1 will be 2 a couple of weeks after my EDD.

My DM thinks I am nuts, and frequently refers to them as being "so close together" (my DB has DCs with 16 months between them which she moans about too, but she claims this is "almost as bad")

I also keep getting comments from people about how "soon" I am having DC2. Yesterday there were 2, including one woman in the street loudly exclaiming "Christ" then making a comment about me being pg, and another much less rude one having trouble with the idea that I was having 2 DCs 2 years apart.

I'm a teacher, I have taught lots of siblings that are 1 or 2 years apart, and a few families where 3 or more DCs have passed through my classes in the last 6 years. Is it really worth such a reaction? Am I actually crazy for deciding to have another?

I think a lot of people opt for bigger gaps these days and I reckon it is easier in the very early days. But as the mother of a (just) 6 and nearly 4 year old who spend hours playing together nicely most of the time and who largely enjoy the same sort of activities I think 2 year gaps are better in the long run.

Very common IME. In DS1's class there were 7 siblings starting school the same year as DS2 - 2 year gap (more or less!)

Eh?

My neice and nephew are almost exaclt 2 years apart give or take a week. My younger sister and brother are also exactly 2 years apart, their birthdays are 4 days apart. I thought a 2 year age gap was "normal".

Very strange thing for your mum to get a bee in her bonnet about.

How many years between you and your brother btw? Maybe your mum sees it as an insult you havn't donbe exactly the same as her?

I thought 2 years was supposed to be the "ideal" gap? Perhaps things have moved on, but when I had my first 26 years quite some time ago, 2 years was pretty much what people aimed for. I was regarded as an oddity when DS2 was born almost 7 years after DS1.

Well it's like any parenting decision - you'll always get negative reactions.
If you were going for a 3-4 year gap, you'd be told that it's the worst gap for sibling jealousy and how will you manage your older child starting pre-school/school with a baby as well. With a bigger age gap people will wonder how you will cope with 2 children at such different stages. With a very large age gap, people will assume the 2nd is "an accident".

A lot of it is just something to say rather than meaning very much. Plus if people (say) have large age gaps, they might find a smaller one hard to comprehend.

(my DC are 20 months apart, 1st year is nightmare, then much easier as both tend to have some interests/abilitites).

19 months between mine, and it is great, they play together loads, enjoy similar things, can play with each others friends. One year between them at school. It is not at all uncommon when we live.

My dc are also 20 months and can concur with redskyatnight - mine are 9 & 10 now and life is easy...

Um, sounds normal enough to me?

Wel if you are I am too. DS wil be 23 months when DD is born. I've always just thought of it as a nice age gap albeit with "two in nappies" horror at the first 6-12 months of having 2. I've had no negative comments about the gap with the only remotely negative comment being about my age which is clearly not applicable to you. Also two members of my ante-natal group from when I had DS are pregnant too and another 2 are TTC so this age gap seems fairly normal.

You're not at all crazy - ignore her.

Sounds like a completely average age gap to me!

2years is not close at all! I work at a preschool and frequently have siblings starting just before or after the older child moves onto school. My first 2 DS's have 2yrs 5 months between them, I then have a 14 year gap but that's a different story:)

I think whatever you've got is just fine.

We've been thinking about No.2 (DD is 3.7). Our thought was - bigger gap is better for us because then you don't have 2 going through university at the same time. Not sure it applies as much these days because kids seem to have exams every year but if you have a 2 school year gap you get A levels and GCSEs at the same time too.

I think it is more common than a larger age gap. I had 25mths between my first two.

I have an 18 month age gap between DS1 and DS2 and get comments from strangers too, mainly 'oh you're brave', 'you're a glutton for punishment' and 'you've got your work cut out for you!' Grrrr. They're 21m and almost 3m and yes it is hard but DS1 adores his little brother, brings him his dummy when he's crying and rubs his back going' aaahhh'

To be honest I'd say a 2 year age gap is quite common, most kids I went to school with had a sibling either 2 or 3 school years apart. Agree with vigglewiggle that it will be easier in the long run. Just smile and nod at judgey strangers who react because they have some notion of a 'perfect' age gap and its not the way they did it. I was scared about my boys age gap and I just get on with it now! You will be fine!

Most people I know have a 2 or 3 year age gap.

I think 3 years is probably more common these days for working women because of the funded childcare. I know having my two three years apart meant that I only ever had to pay for one child's nursery fees. It kept it more affordable for us.

Those who were SAHM or who had more children tended to have smaller age gaps, closer to two years.

But both are relatively common and I think perfectly normal. Both age differences have their advantages and disadvantages, although I've read some research that you're more likely to have sibling rivalry if your children have a gap Of between 18 months and 3 years. Apparently, it's best to go either side of this. But that's all I've read.

I know mums who have gaps ranging from 11 months to 11 years (two children in both circumstances) and even 5 year age gaps seem increasingly common.

But 2/3 years seem to be the norm.

26 months between my two here. I certainly don't think it's that odd. MIL had 4 children in 7 years! We've only had a comment once though, when we took the DC swimming and the reception staff were all faces at us having 2 under three.

My oldest 2 are 16 months apart, their next sibling is 7years younger than oldest and then last is 9 years younger. So last two close as well. So what!

11 months gap between my niece and nephew.

Oh good. My brother is 8 years older than me, but his dad left when he was 2, and she had me a year or so after marrying my dad. She does complain when I make a choice that is any different to hers though, she can get very stroppy about it. I still haven't told her DS was planned as he was born before we got married (but after booking the venue) so she is convinced he was a thoroughly inconvenient accident, I thought he was impeccably timed

I do have a friend who had twins when her DC1 was 20 months, and that is very tough on her, but that's not really a choice!

21 months between mine and they are great friends. Did not find it hard even in first year, beyond the fact that I suddenly had two children. I think that would have been hard whatever the gap.
You will be fine, hope all going well with the pg.

11 months, goodness!

I think two is normal. I'm 18 months different to my DSis, and people say that's quite close. Mind you, there were six (I think) pairs of sisters with one in my year and one in the year below at my school, so not that unusual!

letch I was told the opposite by a friend who is a child psychologist. She reassured told me that 18 months to 3 years is the best gap for avoiding sibling rivalry. They are much more likely to get on than if the gap was bigger, with much less resentment from the older child.

My DCs have a gap of 34 months and they adore each other. Am aware that can change. :) A friend who has a gap of 7 years is constantly refereeing between them, and it's still going on even though the eldest goes to Uni now!

I have 21 months between DS1 and 2. They are 5 and 3 now and get on brilliantly.

DD is due in June and I am a bit worried she'll feel left out eventually being the only girl and having 3.5 years between her and DS2.

Yeah my MIL thinks ours are extremely far to close together at just under 2 yrs between 1 and 2 then 2.5 between 2 and 3. I think it's because I didn't do the same as her so it must be wrong. I must know about 10 families with 3 kids closer together, but she thinks we must have a record for the smallest gap

I thought 2 yrs was normal. It was hard at first but so good now. I also didn't have too many years left to have 3 as a bit old!