To expect MIL to see her new grandson more than once every six weeks?

[Ashappyaslarry]

Ds is 4 months old. We are visiting MIL next week for Easter. Last time MIL visited was 6 weeks ago. And before that it was another 6 weeks since she'd seen him and in fact it was us that visited her. Before that it was 4 weeks since they visited, which was for Christmas. AIBU to expect her to want to see her grandson more frequently? They live 1 hr away.

it is disappointing particularly if its not what you're used to with your own parents. My Mum sees DS about 3 or 4 times a week. My Dad has never met him. DS is 6.

^ Years old not weeks or months.

6 years old not ^!

Oh and my Dad lives about 30 mins away, drives and is retired so no work.

Do I win some kind of pity prize?

I think you've got a good deal here. When my ds1 was born, my mil practically moved in - if she wasn't at work, she was in my house and it drove me crazy!

Better to have a mil who has her own life, than one who wants to live yours!

YABU and very precious. Get over yourself.

Oh, and you say "They live 1 hr away" ? So is it just MIL or PIL too?

YABU 2 hours driving + the time of the visit is a good half day gone! I think generally GPs are more interested in their DDs children than their DSs - not always but generally speaking.
Tou have to appreciate that although you are besotted and he's the centre of your world,others won't feel the same!

If they are busy then I think every 6 weeks is perfectly ok. If it bothers you so much you could suggest you go to them more often to save them the journey time. My own DM didn't see mine much when they were tiny babies but is now the best granny ever. She isn't local though and so only sees them every couple of months. You can be an AMAZING grandparent but alslo live your own life and not be on the doorstep every five minutes. We are all different. Try to remember your world is quite rightly centered on your gorgeous new baby, but not everyone else's is!

they change so much in those first few months.

Do they? Babies can be incredibly boring and/or annoying. They don't really seem to do much except sleep, cry and poo, and I can't see why that warrants a two hour round trip every week. It's every six weeks she's visiting for heaven's sakes, not every six months.

My (now ex) FIL didn't meet DD until a year after she was born, and he lived 5 minutes away! He has never ever made any effort to see DC's, my ex always takes them to him. Some people are heartless just not interested, their loss.

I take dd to see my dad once a week as he has mobility issues but he does still come to see us when he can. FIL to be comes once a week (hours round trip) MIL to be sees dd when we take her round. She lives ten minutes away and isnt working at the minute. It used to bother me but now I agree with other posters-her loss ! Dd is five by the way.

Hi OP,

I am sorry you feel like this.. this is identical to my situation though my in laws live 25 mins away...My parents were overjoyed when DD was born and dropped by every day (apologising as they arrived - saying only 5 mins promise -- of course we made them very welcome and encouraged them to stay as long as they liked !)

DH went to his parents when she was 6 months to ask them to show more of an interest ....but nothing- we would happily go there ...in fact they only once visited us - my Dh was very hurt at their lack of interest -- they don't go anywhere or do anything .. they walk to the local shops in the morning..buy something for their tea and then go home to sit in their house until bedtime .. sleep and repeat ..!

Now DD is 7 and last week Dh said to me he has had enough and will now stop trying... he takes her after school once a week ...and some weeks they call to put him off ..invites them to her little concerts, dances shows etc.. they say no thanks ..last weekend they declined to come to a school show of hers as they have a cup of tea in the house at 11 am....
That was the final straw for him.... he instead took my mother and bought her lunch in their place ! TBH I couldn't care less if I see them or not as they are not interested in DD DH or in fact any human contact but I do feel sorry for Dh as he tries so hard to be good to his parents and gets nothing in return.
(Once went 7 years in a row where DH did not get a birthday card from them)

So sorry, in all that rambling, I think the key is accepting that each family is different and you regretably cannot force some families to be closer or bond more .. your family if they are closer is perhaps where you should concentrate your emotions or enemies...
As previous posters have said it is their loss...

Have to stress that Il's are not bad people they just do not like to spend time with their family !!

Enjoy your DS ........

sorry don't know how I got the strikeout on !

Maybe your MIL will become more involved as the baby becomes older, she may not want to impose. Why dont you pop round hers for a visit too?

sorry again .. not enemies ENERGIES - going back to bed to start again

everlong I love that you have a great relationship with your dc/dgc but why do you think that other people's arrangements are not valid, "they are missing out", wrong etc?

i personally (however much i love to have my own) do not like other people's babies. i love kids from when they are 4-6, but under a year - no thank you. if OP did not have a relationship with her dil and she (like me) doesn't like babies, why to give her hard time? she may still prove to be a fab granny in years to come, the love and support may come not in term of visits to dgc when he is a baby though...

my granddad also did not like babies, but for one reason or another went to live with them when i was 6 until i was 14, best time of my life and i was wrapped in love that will stay in my heart forever.

Yabu. 6 weeks might seem like a long time to you, especially if you are on mat leave. However once your dc gets older and at school, it will be plenty with having parties, activities and general day to day things going on. I think its about right tbh

It's the hand you are dealt really. My MIL saw my son for the first time when he was 3 months old. She might not have seen him even then but WE drove the 4 hour round trip with the baby. She doesn't work and FIL retired. Son's maternal grandparents dead. Left with cardboard cut-outs on paternal side.

If it's evident they don't want to be involved despite your efforts, let it be and let them make the moves if they want. You can't force them. I create a fantasy version of events for my son. I talk up how much his grandparents love him. It's sterile, but good for his self-esteem. When he was very young, we met his school receptionist in town and said hello. When we got home he told his father we had met Grandma.

I have known mothers and fathers who are of the mind that babies are boring. They are much happier parents once past the baby stage. And some are brilliant in helping their children through teen years.