Or is it rude to say this when you call someone on the phone?

[AwkwardMary]

I just picked up the landline when it rang and a female voice said "Hello is John there?"

"John" being my DH. I was slightly taken aback and nearly asked "who is calling please?" but thought I might look like a paranoid wife so I just handed the phone to DH and said "It's for you but I don't know who it is."

Turns out it's his manager from work, needing him to swap shifts on Monday.

Sureley as a manager she ought to know basic greetings? Such as "Hello this is Mrs Manager speaking...is it possible to speak to John please?"

Or am I overly "mannered" for today's people. She's in her early 40's..

I think you are overthinking it, "hello is X there?" is a totally normal thing to say when you are calling. I can't imagine she put much thought into it, but if she did, perhaps the reasoning behind her not identifying herself as it's no-one's business but John's who she is, and then it's up to John whether he wants to identify the caller to whoever picked up the phone.

But no...it IS Johns business and since the landline is shared, he would want whoever is calling to be announced incase he doesn't want the call!

It's my home phone...therefore I should be told who'se calling it.

I prefer a full 'hello this is xxx, may I speak with' but it's not a biggie, is it?
What does bug me is when people say 'Is that Sue?' without identifying themselves, makes me feel defensive .

I think if she sounded polite I would be okay with that.
If it was abrupt I wouldn't be too impressed.

Well if you do that whole "tell them I'm not in" thing then I don't think you would be unreasonable to ask "Who is calling please?". I don't think what she did was abnormal or rude, people just have to be prepared for further questions if they start their calls in that way. How's the caller to know you aren't the cleaner or a burglar or something, who has no business knowing that john's manager is calling? The only time I really get phonecalls where people identify themselves immediately is when it's an irritating cold call!

I'm a bit bemused that you think asking who's calling is being paranoid. I always ask who it is if I don't automatically know. Thought that was fairly standard. How can you decide whether or not to take a call if you don't know who it is?

I would just say (Hello, please could I speak to Mr x), I don't normally announce who I am or anything.

Therefore YABU

I think YABU. You could have just asked who was calling before handing the phone to John.

Some people hate the phone (me included) and it can be a bit awkward, especially knowing what to say at the outset. Even though there are obvious 'standard' things to say, it can still be difficult. I sometimes hear myself say things and think to myself "what on earth are you saying?!"

But not really a big issue, surely?

I think it is perfectly normal to ring up and say 'hello can I speak to John please'.

I don't quite understand the problem. If you really wanted to know who it was then you should have asked, I would and have done this.

The shared landline thing is just utter rubbish.

AwkwardMary many of us are not psychic. If you would like to know who is on the other end of the phone, it's probably best to ask.

Oh I'd best never phone you up then. It's what I'd say. My partner used to work from home, with people calling all the time, and I don't think they told me who they were that I can recall. I always asked so I could tell him.

It could have easily gone:

Caller "Hello is John there?"
You "who's speaking?"
Caller "I'm X, from John's work"
You (if you know he doesn't want to take a work call) "I'm sorry he's out, shall I say you called?"

I don't announce who I am when I call people. I tend to ask for the person with whom I wish to speak and then tell that person who I am when I've established it's they who are on the line.

Of course, if the person answering asked who I was first, I would give my name.

OMG you do sound like hard work.

I always ring and say "Is so and so there please?"

Then it's down to them to ask who's calling or not.

I always ask who's calling if I don't recognise the voice because there are certain cold-callers that none of us would wish to speak to. Most people who call from these places do not identify themselves and DH isn't very good at getting them off the phone so i hadle it.

People have called and asked for DH without revealing who they are. I always ask who's calling before giving him the phone in case it's someone he doesn't want to speak to e.g. Cold callers/ Market research/ sales etc.

a 'please' at the end would have been nice. Other than that though, I don't think people need to introduce themselves on the phone. But it's completely fine for you to say 'Yes, who's calling please?'

Yabu if I'm making a work call I always say politely "hello is x there please" then tell them who I am if they ask.

I usually say "Hi this is Gis, can I speak to XXX please?" It's not a conscious thing I do, in fact I didn't really think about what I say until I read this thread.

If I answer DH's phone I'll usually ask because I'm a really nosey person he likes the option to refuse and make ME lie about it.

I am a HCP and would always ask "Please could I speak to X?" and wait until I knew I was speaking to X before saying "My name is Dr Maisie from the hospital/surgery". Otherwise us a potential breach of confidentiality to even reveal the hospital has called. I know it is different but just an instance of when it is in fact better not to reveal who you are on the phone.

Surely you could have said 'May I ask who is calling?"

She sounds polite enough.
If you wanted to know who it was that much you could have asked.

HCP?

YABU.

If you are nosy, ask who's calling. If John wants to know who it is in case he doesn't want to speak to them, ask who's calling. But it is not for you, so if John is not fussed about knowing before he picks up the phone, it is none of your business.

You are do not look paranoid if you ask who's calling. You do sound paranoid because you are wary of a female wanting to speak to your husband.

That doesn't sound rude to me in the slightest. YABU.