Or is it rude to say this when you call someone on the phone?

[AwkwardMary]

I just picked up the landline when it rang and a female voice said "Hello is John there?"

"John" being my DH. I was slightly taken aback and nearly asked "who is calling please?" but thought I might look like a paranoid wife so I just handed the phone to DH and said "It's for you but I don't know who it is."

Turns out it's his manager from work, needing him to swap shifts on Monday.

Sureley as a manager she ought to know basic greetings? Such as "Hello this is Mrs Manager speaking...is it possible to speak to John please?"

Or am I overly "mannered" for today's people. She's in her early 40's..

I would have asked who is calling. People regularly call here for DH and I always ask. It isn't paranoid, it is allowing DH the option to say he didn't want to speak to whoever it was.

Isn't that how phone call works? Unless they wanted to speak to me I wouldn't expect anybody to tell me on replying to my 'hello' who they were and what they wanted. Not my business particularly.

Do you immediately tell a complete stranger who you don't want to speak to, who you are when you phone somebody? Put yourself in the woman's shoes and I think you will see YABU.

It's pretty standard to say

"Who may I say is calling" IMO.

As long as she was polite and said "Hello. Is John there please?" then I don't think she was being rude at all really. I think you are being U I am afraid. You should have just asked her who was calling.

I don't think this is as bad as the bloke who called to arrange a squash match with dh a while back. He clearly was in "office mode" as he barked "MrClam, please," as if I was his bloody secretary or something. This was my home, so I left a deliberate pause and said, "excuse me?" He did have the grace to re-group (although not apologise) and ask again properly.

I always say "who's calling please?"

If they say "it's a personal call" I know that's code for "I want to sell X something". I'm thinking of saying "X only takes "personal calls" from people X knows and who say who they are" next time :o

I don't think there was anything wrong in what she said but most people would probably have said "Is John there, it's Sam from work". I always say "May I ask who's speaking?" in any case because it is nicer for your DP or whoever when you hand over the phone and they know who they are talking to.

hello, I'm slowest wildebeast could I speak to someone without paranoia or overbearing wife syndrome please.

What's happened to MN today? The poor woman wasn't rude, you should have just asked who it was rather than being so outraged. What the chuff!

I always introduce myself to whoever answers the phone (be it work or personal or to do with arrangements for the dcs) - it's only good manners. If someone phones my home without those manners, then I ask them who they are before giving them any information.
My dcs answer the phone with "Hello, who's speaking please?" but you'd be mazed how few people are well mannered enough to answer them.

I came across the phrase 'professionally offended' on here a little while ago and I think it fits perfectly in this situation. FFS you must be really tiring to live with.

I love the professionally offended. I'm professionally gobsmacked most of the time. :)

If I phone the school I say this is xxxxxxx mum then the reason I am calling

Only read the OP but eh? My Dad was a Managing Director and people always did that when I answered the phone when living at home. I would then reply "can I ask who's calling please?" and then make sure I could tell Dad who it was as I passed it across.

You are overthinking, I would have said the same thing. It is your job to ask who is calling, she didn't need to announce who she was without being asked.

I obviously belong in the 1950's when manners meant somethingg

Although the link actually agrees with you lot I think!

I particularly like this "Avoid such old fashioned responses such as "hello" and "yes"."

What?? Should I say "What??" or "Hey!"

We've got two phone lines. One is mine and is work related although not exclusively. DP would always ask who was calling to check whether I was able to take the call. I tend to do similarly on the other phone in order not to lumber him with crap cold calls. Which still occur despite being on the Telephone Preference Service.

It's no big deal here though.

I think you're thinking too much into it, that is a perfectly reasonable way to ask for someone on the phone, so I think yabu sorry. Did you think it was the OW? I can't really see why you're annoyed sorry.

Maybe try "' 'Sup?"

When i phone people i always just answer with a hello, and then a how are you? Then go into a conversation, but then as a rule i only phone my friends and its normally a mobile number!

It annoys me more when my MIL ( who has known me for 20 yrs) ask to speak to her son that way. That is rude!

I'm finding it charmingly antiquated that people still ring shared landlines and have to ask "is x there?"

I thought it was all mobiles these days, and as everyone has caller display, having to announce yourself is also redundant?!

I don´t have a mobile-I have caller display-but the caller doesn´t know that I can see who they are!

Vast majority of the calls I make are to landline numbers cupofBrownJoy. I would only ring a mobile if there were some kind of emergency or very urgent situation or when my ds forgets to come home and we are wondering where he is several hours later.
I also get lots of phone calls from people who aren't in my "phone book" so caller display wouldn't tell me anything, even if I had it.